Its a grave question (!)

[LDC134]

I recently traced my biological father, who has sadly died but through this I have made contact with my half sister and we have become very close. On the first anniversary, we are going to the grave together but what should I take ? I didn't know him so I don't want anything over the top, plus since he was a man, flowers don't seem particularly suitable. I wondered about something permanent for the grave (I think my half sister would be fine about this, they have a couple of bits already there) but I don't want anything overly sentimental and definitely not religious. Any ideas ?

[karenmac60]

What about a framed pic of yourself - since you never met he never got to see you...

[boxtops]

You don't have to take anything, just yourselves, and be there with him.

[ummmm]

I would stick to flowers. Most of the headstones have an actually space for them. As you get to know more about him you can make it a bit more personal next year.

[welshlibranr]

I would take flowers, doesn't matter that he is male, flowers on a grave are always good!.....you didn't know him so you can't really make it personal yet!.......

[albaqwerty]

Do you know if he had any hobbies? Fishing/motorbikes or any interests? Take a little but not too expensive miniature of that.

[society]

Who say flowers are not suitable? Of course they are, and most appropriate for the occasion too.

[mazie]

Most men I know love to see flowers around the house. Men appreciate flowers as much as women. Or plant a nice low growing plant, a viola that will come back every year

[arwyn]

Plant a plant or bush on the grave.

[arwyn]

sorry mazie i repeated you

[dotty.]

Not all churchyatds/cemetaries allow alot of stuff on top of graves but you could go to a garden centre and buy an outdoor tealight holder to sit on the base of the headstone. Or if you think something more substantial would be suitable buy one of those thin iron tall tealight holders that look like an antique lantern that just sticks into the ground.

[ummmm]

Agree with Dotty...they look really nice.

[LDC134]

Lovely idea Dotty, thank you - and thank you all, your comments are much appreciated and it seems I was wrong with my 'no flowers' idea !

[joannie10]

it is certainly not wrong to go along taking nothing - you visiting the grave is the important part for your half sister I am sure. If you are going to take flowers - will you go along to remove them once they have died? Just a thought - I enjoy walks at my local cemetery and find all the dead flowers quite sad. Maybe you could take a little pot of heather or something along - something long lasting?

[LDC134]

Good point Joannie, I will look for something in a pot I think, but my half sister goes regularly and would clear away any dead flowers, I agree - they look so sad.