Have you ever had a foreign body in your orifice....

[Bbbananas]

.. that really shouldn't ever have got in there?
(And no I don't mean a German or an Aborigine).

We have a patient who "fell" on a hoover nozzle. Not to mention gerbils (isn't that were the Pet Shop Boys got their name?)

Less sexual, my son once got a dried pea stuck up his nose and I accidentally got an earwig in my mouth... that was gross.

[NoMercy]

My mother has a sewing needle in her ankle and it's been their since she was a child. Her twin sister has an identical one in her knee - again, it's been their since they were little.

[Bbbananas]

Was your grannie a bit lax as to where she put her needles? Someone should have bought her a pincushion....

[tiggerblue10]

I've heard that some people have had acupuncuture needles stuck in them.

[sara3]

when my daughter was about 6 she stuck a large seed up her nose at school. we had to go to the hospital, who couldn't find it but told me to keep an eye on her as it could be making its way to her lungs!

3 days later she sneezed, and the seed reappeared in a glob of snot.

nice.

[andy-hughes]

Can't say i have ever experiened a foreign body in any orrifice - maybe i have led a sheltered life!

A & E staff are regularly troubled by young men who were 'hoovering in the nude and fell on the nozzle ...' together with other sundry weak excuses for solo erotic experimentation.

As far as the pet Shop Boys are concerned - their story is that they knew a couple of friendsd who owned a pet shop, and were known collectively as the pet shop boys. The apocryphcal story has grown up in the media since their rise to fame - and belongs in the same place as the Richard Gere story - in the fevered imagniation of tabloid journalists on a slow news day.

Next week - Bob Holness, and that sax solo on 'Baker Street' ...

[Bbbananas]

Andy, you have just shattered an illusion (though not an illusion I often conjured up to be honest!).

I knew a woman (a pub landlady) with a pool ball stuck once... the word got out, and the shame of it all made her leave the area.

[NoMercy]

Yes, Salla, she was a sod for leaving her sewing needles lying around.

[tiggerblue10]

Cna't remember which programme it was but it was one of those late-night C4 ones from the 90's, where a women would shoot out ping-pong balls from her lady bits.

[tiggerblue10]

*can't

[Bbbananas]

They are famous for that in Thailand and the Philippines I think. I ought to try that myself tonight..... must find the ping pong balls and give them a good wash !!!

[pa___ul3]

When I was little I put some wallpaper up my nose, my mum didn't realise until it started to really smell!

My mate's a radiographer in a hospital and he's told me some stories including electric plugs and one fella with a butternut squash shoved up his bum.. the whole things!

[Bbbananas]

Jeez - that must be one big assh0le.....

[jackthehat]

Goatse ?

[Sqad]

Was called to Casualty to see a youth with a spring up his bottom....when I looked, it was the spring of a chest expander. When I asked how he got it there, he answered " I was want to sit upon it"
The question was, how far inside did it go? X-Ray showed it to be well inside the rectum and the hook, was attached to the lining if the rectum. It was removed under anaesthetic but next day he developed abdominal pain and his abdomen had to be opened which showed he had developed peritonitis. He had to have a Colostomy for 3 months and was very ill.

His parents were away for the weekend and..............in went the chest expander.

[pink-kittens]

a whole butternut squash! Good God, I've just peeled one of those and it was a huge bugger

[jackthehat]

Several years ago, The Lancet carried an article about the range of 'items' recovered and the excuses for them being there;
A retired Brigadier was mortified at having a large brass shell-casing extracted (a soothing remedy for his piles, apparently),
A young man came up with 'I was in the shower when the doorbell rang; I popped a towel around my waste to open up the front door.....which blew shut and locked behind me when I stepped out. It was then that I remembered that the pantry window was open; and as I climbed through this small apperture I slipped.......that and the fact I was only wearing a small hand-towel contrived to cause this large bottle of Heinz Tomato Sauce to insert itself.........

Those are he two 'stand-out' items for me...

[jackthehat]

*waist.......naturally........although given the nature of my post..........?

[Dee Sa]

when my youngest son was little he came home from school with the rubber from the end of a pencil stuck in his ear, I stupidly said how did you do that -- he showed me by sticking a pencil in the other ear ! we went to casualty to have both erasers removed !

[Jemisa]

My friend Jacky when a teenager (16-17) was always having ear troubles, was always at the docs and in the end the doc sent her to the hospital to see an ENT specialist.
After close examination and a probe he pulled an object from her ear, covered in wax, it turned out to be a glass bead.and they reckoned it had been there since she was a toddler.
She was fine after that.

jem

[LoftyLottie]

I got a teacup stuck up my nose when I was too and had to have it removed by a doctor!!