not moving in together after 2 yrs...is it a bad thing?

[Jenarry]

a friend of mine has been in a steady relationship with her bf for over two years. they are both in their 30's and seem quite happy together but they haven't made the move to living together yet and still have both their homes and spend time together (and apart) in both homes.
this came up in conversation with another friend today who thought this was really strange that they hadn't made the choice to live together yet.
I disagreed as i can understand that people quite like having their own space and time apart.
our conversation turned into quite a debate and we finally had to agree to disagree. was i way out with my thoughts on time out from each other? i think this can be a good thing in a relationship..
my friend thought it was all a bad sign that they hadn't made that move in yet together and they need time apart..and ultimately their relationship is leading nowhere.and if you're not happy in the others company 7 days a week somethings wrong..

[craft1948]

I think if it suits both of them then it's fine. Helena Bonham Carter lives next-door to her husband.

[Count-A-Strong]

As thirtysomethings they probably know what they want and find others little foibles something they can live without hence agreeing to have thief personal space. At the end of the day it's got bugger allmtomdonwith you or anyone else.

[albaqwerty]

If they are happy then butt out and your friend too

[karenmac60]

I can see a lot of benefits from living apart. You get to have time on your own, you can still maintain some of the mystery of a relationship (you'll always be more attractive to someone if they haven't seen you cut your toenails etc), you are less likely to have petty squabbles about housework or feel resentment about someone not pulling their weight. I can only see it possibly becoming a problem if they chose to keep that up and have a family. Once there are kids involved, then all living together would be less problematic, but in the meantime what works for them is what they should be doing.

[Jenarry]

yes i know count-a-strong that's true. my other friend was voicing quite strong opinions on their situation though and i tried to reason with them but had to give up in the end. i personally think that if it's working for them it's good and i can understand people needing their own space.

[islasmum]

My OH and I live happily together, but the one thing that has kept our relationship alive and well is........................two toilets!!!

[Bbbananas]

I have been with my BF 5 years next spring. We live 45 miles apart in our own houses and we are both very happy with this. We see each other (most) weekends & for holidays. It's great - the best of both worlds.

We are both in our late 40's - I have been married twice & until my daughter left home 18 months ago I had never lived fully alone. I love it. He has never married or had children, but has lived all over the world, travelled, been independent. Has only lived briefly with 2 women.

We both like our independence & our own space. I like time to myself, as does he. I have loads of friends (he doesn't!!) & am never lonely, but I do like being alone.

Some of our friends & family think it's strange - I know my mum would love me to shack up with him, but dad understands why we're hesitant. why should we because it's 'expected'? Maybe, just maybe one day we might - if we move away together & live near the sea (a dream of both of ours), but for now our arrangement works.

[carmalee]

if it ain't broke don't fix it. their relationship suits them

[Bbbananas]

Carmalee has just said in 11 words what it took me to say in around 200....

;-)

[Old_Geezer]

Geeze ! I've not moved in after about a quarter of a century. How is it a bad sign? Sign of what? So something's wrong? I suspect most relationships have issues of some sort. I think some relationships work better and last longer when those involved have their own space; especially if they are used to it. I just wish those relationships were viewed by society and authorities as having the same value and antitled to the same breaks as those who choose to live in the same place and save themselves money.

[Brinjal]

I have a friends who have been a couple for over thirty years and still have their own homes and have never lived together and have a wonderful relationship. The man has never been married. The woman was married and has, now grown up, children. He has been very good with the kids help financially when yhey were younger but they both have never wanted to live together

[Jenarry]

thankyou for your answers. up to 30 yrs and never moved in together.
that sounds like a good plan for keeping a relationship a happy one..it sounds like my friend and her bf has got it sussed. :O)