lending money to friends

[flaming]

2 years ago I lent a considerable amount of money to friends, a couple with 3 children. One: son grown-up reputedly OK making his way in the world, engagaged, but I think the couple want him to think all is well.  The wife & daughter live in Ireland in a house now far too big for them - the husband works here and  can only afford a few trips there, as he is seriously overstretched.  After the move to the house, which the loan was towards, things went pear-shaped in that other son got into trouble & is detained at HM pleasure.  All the events of last 2 years have been devastating for all but they won't come to a conclusion as to what to do now. After I made a fuss recently the husband will pay me a sum per month equal to what I would get in interest (never mind all the past months without anything)  Says that has to do until this time next year.  I reckon the house is mortgaged up to the hilt; they've taken an interest only mortgage break.  I can see 'my' money has gone on legal fees etc.  re the second son.  My capital being returned is pretty well an insurmountable problem now, and perhaps they hope I'll die before they have to pay it.  Even if I don't hear from someone who has been in a similar predicament I can at least warn others who might be got round  by friends - DO NOT DO IT.  I was in a vulnerable state at the time & should have listened to the Solicitor who did the Promissary Note. I have no-one to talk to as I am quite alone. I hate being horrible to friends but I have bad feelings about it, that I am being taken for a mug.  If I started proceedings...would I have to go to Ireland.  And wouldn't I get landed with legal fees with still no money from them, if things are as bad as they say ?  I offered at Christmas last to take capital only in lumps but to no avail. 

[Didwot]

So sorry to learn of your woes. An offer of payment of a sum equivalent to the interest is better than nothing, but you are quite right. Lending money to friends is a mugs game. You would not have lent the money to me, and I am creditworthy, so why go out on a limb for friends. At the very least you should have asked for security, but as you point out, the houe is in Ireland, and probably mortgaged up to the hilt. On the positive side you must be a nice person, and a good friend to have.

[flaming]

Getting harder, Didwot, getting harder. It was because they weren't credit-worthy that I came into it, and I thought they were past problems but I find have got entangled with a regular Mr. Micawber. I think I will always come after whatever new prob./expense that occurs.  In my own defence for soppiness there had been divorce, major fire at house, tending mother's terminal illness. It seemed a good idea at the time! Thanks for the comforting words.

[Didwot]

I can see how the situation developed. Nonetheless you are the better/best person in the story.

[twiglet4frog]

It is hard with u not saying how much the debt they owe u is for, but maybe for your own health and sake of mind, take the interest only offer, and consider the main sum a write off, as it could be a long slog with very little gain from it if u persue it, as i said tho, it is hard not knowing how much u lent as to how much it stings to say goodbye to that loan, but i am sure that u could consider that loan as such a charitable offer to people in need that someone up there will be watching