I am SO Bl00dy Cross!

[kat2206]

MY son is 19 today( the one who, a few weeks back told us that he wanted to get his girlfriend pregnant). Well, I can't get hold of him today, at all, even to wish him a Happy Birthday. He went over to HERS yesterday, knowing full well that he was on shift that night (he works 40/50 hours a week, night shift).

I know he didn't go into work last night at all and, obviously, stayed with her. What makes me so cross thoughts that he hasn't paid any "rent" to us for 3 months now, spending all his money on her, drink etc...

I have my own career to think about, I help my OH on the farm and I just don't need this stress/hassle from him.

He keeps telling me he's 18/19 and can what he likes but not under my bl00dy roof he can't. Does he expect me/my OH to "keep" him if he loses his job as he has done this before, not turned up for a shift, as he will be very disappointed if he thinks we will.

I have spoken to my Mother about this, this morning and she has suggested that if he loses his job is to kick him out and let him stay with the girlfriend and her family as he's always there anyway.

Then he has the temerity to get verbally abusive toward me and my OH when we try and give him advice ( or, in his words, telling him what to do) which he then throws back at me, I can do what I like....well, son, yes you can just not in this house!

Sorry... Rant over!

[Mick-Talbot]

Bloody

[friedgreentomato]

I take it you don't like his girlfriend then!!

[DTCwordfan]

Understandable....

Time to get a godfather to take him to the pub and give him a lesson in life as to a wee chat about "pay your way" and respect between adults.

[kat2206]

AND.... To top,it all off, I had bought us all tickets to go and see Michael Macintyre on Tuesday evening, my son and I had a row yesterday afternoon but then came back to me later on advising that we all can be civil with each other, until after Tuesday... So basically saying that he will only be civil just so he gets his night out...

[ummmm]

If he stays at hers what is he doing wrong in your house?

He's an adult now. I really think you're limited on what rules you can lay down for an adult without them kicking up a fuss.

Demand he pays his rent and if he doesn't then chuck him out.

[sir.prize]

^^^Very succinct, Duck Head

[Georgiesmum]

Why have you let him go three months without paying you any rent? It doesnt make sense to me?

[kat2206]

Hi Friedgreentomato, I did like her but just lately she seems to "keep" him there, which I'm sure he doesn't protest too much about it but he has been missing his shifts at work.. So my opinion of her is reducing each day, if I'm honest.

[kat2206]

Hi Georgiesmum, the first month is when he first started work there so only came home with about £50, he did give us a tenner from it though, last month, nothing and again this month..

[emmie]

he should move out, give you some peace, and he to discover what the real world is like.

[kat2206]

Ummmm, it's not the case that he's doing anything wrong but if and when he does lose his job through not doing his shifts, he will expect to live here scot free, when she goes back to college etc then he won't be able to stay there all the time then as she won't be there, so in effect he'll lay in bed here all day, not helping out financially nor physically.

[ummmm]

How do you know he didn't go into work?

[sometimesit]

Treat him the same as you would treat any other 'Tenant" as he is abusing you. You need to take stock and realise that he will 'do' what he does (on past history'). If you stopped falling in with his 'created' problems and made him take responsibility for his own life. He is a young man who needs to learn life's hard knocks. He won't do that while you keep bailing him out. Don't give advice let him get on with it. The stress is just not worth it - family or not.
Keep him at a distance until he shows you some respect.

[emmie]

he is a grown up, start treating him like one, cut the apron strings, tell him to grow up, move out, it is not your role to provide him with everything, that happens when they are small, not now.

[DTCwordfan]

(i) godfather or relative to quietly read him the riot act

(ii) then present him with a contract for the rent, how much and when, what it covers in facilities. Outline his responsibilities and define what he is expected to do with a minimum of hours in the advent of unemployment. Get him to sign it, you too.

(iii) sort your mind out that he is an adult as I am sensing a little jealousy that he is devoting time to the gf, not keeping you fully in the loop and you may also be taking it out on her too. He is an adult and you have to accept that, he is no longer your baby boy. Last point, how do you know he will end up unemployed, that is a bit of an extreme position to take and if you are conveying that, you may be fuelling his "hostility" (the verbal abuse) and the lack of imparting information, even his want to have your birthday greetings.

I suspect that there are issues that you need to sort out, just as much as he does.

[NOX]

Kat, Ummm is right, he's an adult not a child, you are treating him like a little kid, you can't tell adults what to do all you can ask is that he pays rent which he's not doing. This leaves you with a choice, put up with it or ask him to leave, you're not happy so ask him to leave. it To be honest it sounds as though you have some issues with his girl friend, but he's never going to go back to being a little boy, he's moving naturally away from you which is part of his normal path in life, so you'd do well to address any issues you do have with her because if it's not he it will be some other girl and in a battle like that the gf will always win, it's just the natural way of life.

[cazzz1975]

I agree with ummm 100%, he is entitled to make his own choices (good or bad) and learn from them himself. If he doesn't pay rent then he should expect to be evicted.

[Smowball]

Compared to my son, he sounds an angel - seriously.

[nannybooby]

go round to her house with a suitcase of his clothes tell them all that as he likes it there better and hasnt contributed rent for 3 months ,is in danger of loosing his job as he stays there instead of working ,he had best move in. Make sure you say it in front of the girlfriend and her parents and before Tuesday.Bet his attitude will be adjusted in no time.

[Smowball]

Excellent answer nannybooby!