Sunday Express Skeleton 24Th November...
Crosswords0 min ago
Oops
A man was coming out of a new barber shop which he decided to try out.
He met his friend and his friend asked him if the barber did a good job.
He replied, “the haircut looks fine but I didn’t like the four-letter words he used when cutting my hair.”
“What did he say?” his friend asked? “Oops!” the man replied.
I hired a new maid last year but she wasn’t doing a great job.
I called her into the study and told that I was sorry but I was going to have to let her go.
I tipped her an extra £20 and thanked her for her services.
As she was leaving she threw a £5 note to our dog, Lucy.
I asked her, “What was that for?” She replied, “Can’t forget my helper! Lucy has a great tongue, and always helped me do the dishes!”
A doctor for older people thought he had heard it all until, one day an older man walked in and told him he had big problems.
So the doctor told him not to worry about a thing, he said let me guess, “You’re having problems peeing in the morning?”
“No,” he replied. ” I do it like clockwork, every morning at nine o’clock.”
“OK, so it must be you’re having trouble with the bowel movements?” He questioned. ” No,” he said.”
I do it every morning at nine thirty like clockwork.”
The doctor said, “alright, you stumped me, what is the problem?”
The man says, “the problem is I sleep till ten o’clock.”
Two men at a racetrack were discussing their luck.
“An amazing thing happened to me last time I was here,” said the first man.
“It was the 4th day of the month, and it was the day of my son’s 4th birthday.
The address of our house is 44, and I arrived at the track at 4:44 p.m.”
“I bet you put money on the 4th horse on the card,” said the second man.
“Yes, I did,” said the first man. “And it won?” “No, it came in 4th!”
A couple were checking in for their international flight, when the husband turned to his wife and said, “darn, I should have packed the piano!”
She turned to him and replied, "are you crazy?" What’s that supposed to mean?”
He replies sheepishly, “I left the passports on top of the piano!”
A man really wanted to own a boat, even though his wife forbade him.
The man bought one anyway. When he went came home his wife was really mad.
He told her she could name the boat, so she named it “FOR SALE”.
He met his friend and his friend asked him if the barber did a good job.
He replied, “the haircut looks fine but I didn’t like the four-letter words he used when cutting my hair.”
“What did he say?” his friend asked? “Oops!” the man replied.
I hired a new maid last year but she wasn’t doing a great job.
I called her into the study and told that I was sorry but I was going to have to let her go.
I tipped her an extra £20 and thanked her for her services.
As she was leaving she threw a £5 note to our dog, Lucy.
I asked her, “What was that for?” She replied, “Can’t forget my helper! Lucy has a great tongue, and always helped me do the dishes!”
A doctor for older people thought he had heard it all until, one day an older man walked in and told him he had big problems.
So the doctor told him not to worry about a thing, he said let me guess, “You’re having problems peeing in the morning?”
“No,” he replied. ” I do it like clockwork, every morning at nine o’clock.”
“OK, so it must be you’re having trouble with the bowel movements?” He questioned. ” No,” he said.”
I do it every morning at nine thirty like clockwork.”
The doctor said, “alright, you stumped me, what is the problem?”
The man says, “the problem is I sleep till ten o’clock.”
Two men at a racetrack were discussing their luck.
“An amazing thing happened to me last time I was here,” said the first man.
“It was the 4th day of the month, and it was the day of my son’s 4th birthday.
The address of our house is 44, and I arrived at the track at 4:44 p.m.”
“I bet you put money on the 4th horse on the card,” said the second man.
“Yes, I did,” said the first man. “And it won?” “No, it came in 4th!”
A couple were checking in for their international flight, when the husband turned to his wife and said, “darn, I should have packed the piano!”
She turned to him and replied, "are you crazy?" What’s that supposed to mean?”
He replies sheepishly, “I left the passports on top of the piano!”
A man really wanted to own a boat, even though his wife forbade him.
The man bought one anyway. When he went came home his wife was really mad.
He told her she could name the boat, so she named it “FOR SALE”.
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