News9 mins ago
A Church
A church was preparing for Christmas services.
The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entry and had a parishioner call the sign company.
The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entry.
The sign came back a few days later.
"Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide."
While a man was attending a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening.
The man wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and he looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, he was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage.
Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
A preacher was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine.
As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him.
The youngster did not say a word, so the preacher kept working.
He was sure the lad would soon leave but he didn't.
Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the preacher finally said, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on carpentry work?"
"Nope. I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer."
There was once a newly ordained priest who joined the staff of a large, well-to-do parish. His boss, the senior priest, had been there for many years and was steeped in wisdom.
The young priest was very full of himself, having taken a number of prizes for preaching in seminary. He was particularly proud of his efforts in the pulpit.
Indeed, he said to his boss one day, "Father, there is not a subject in the world that I could not, at the drop of a hat, find a Biblical text for and then be able to preach a sermon."
The senior priest decided to put his young charge to the test.
"Well, my boy," he said, "don't you be preparing any sermon for mass next Sunday. Instead, when you get into the pulpit you will find a sealed envelope which I will have put there. Inside the envelope there will be a single sheet of paper on which I will have written a one word topic. I defy you to find any kind of text that will fit."
The young priest looked forward to the test with relish.
The day came. He ascended the stairs into the pulpit.
His boss was squirming with anticipation.
The young man opened the envelope, glanced at the sheet of paper on which was written the one word, "CONSTIPATION", and proclaimed: "And Moses took the two tablets and went off down the mountain."
The pastor decided he wanted a banner made for the entry and had a parishioner call the sign company.
The parishioner told the man on the phone the message he wanted and the dimensions needed for the entry.
The sign came back a few days later.
"Unto Mary Jesus was born, six feet long and two feet wide."
While a man was attending a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening.
The man wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and he looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, he was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage.
Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
A preacher was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine.
As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him.
The youngster did not say a word, so the preacher kept working.
He was sure the lad would soon leave but he didn't.
Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the preacher finally said, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on carpentry work?"
"Nope. I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer."
There was once a newly ordained priest who joined the staff of a large, well-to-do parish. His boss, the senior priest, had been there for many years and was steeped in wisdom.
The young priest was very full of himself, having taken a number of prizes for preaching in seminary. He was particularly proud of his efforts in the pulpit.
Indeed, he said to his boss one day, "Father, there is not a subject in the world that I could not, at the drop of a hat, find a Biblical text for and then be able to preach a sermon."
The senior priest decided to put his young charge to the test.
"Well, my boy," he said, "don't you be preparing any sermon for mass next Sunday. Instead, when you get into the pulpit you will find a sealed envelope which I will have put there. Inside the envelope there will be a single sheet of paper on which I will have written a one word topic. I defy you to find any kind of text that will fit."
The young priest looked forward to the test with relish.
The day came. He ascended the stairs into the pulpit.
His boss was squirming with anticipation.
The young man opened the envelope, glanced at the sheet of paper on which was written the one word, "CONSTIPATION", and proclaimed: "And Moses took the two tablets and went off down the mountain."
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