Help With A 'toxic' Friend?

[AnneGould]

PLEASE READ PROPERLY OR YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM, MANY THANKS :)

Serious answers only please.

I have known my best friend for quite a few years and we are both in our 40s.

She has changed quite a lot since I first met her in lots of ways.

I have recently stopped drinking and she likes to drink a lot, so we don't go out at night much any more.

I have a few issues with her being the following:

1) If we eat out she has to complain about the food. We went to Betty's Tea Rooms recently and she complained because her scone was cold. For anyone not in the know, you do not serve scones hot or warm. She sent the scone back (much to the disbelief of the waitress). We met yesterday and we ate out (at a venue of HER choice). She complained to me about her chicken being too cold but this time did not send it back. She spoils every meal with her whining.

2) I like to go for a tea/coffee and a chat. She will drink her tea as fast as she can and say she doesn't want to sit around drinking tea all day and insist we rush off.

3) If we do go out at night she insists on taking me where SHE wants to go first and then if I am lucky I will get my choice.

We are going out on Saturday. Yesterday she told me she had arranged to go to her favourite pub (which is right at the bottom end of town away from the other bars). This was the first subject she broached with me and her speech sounded like she had rehearsed it!!! I WOULD cancel but I have bought a fancy dress costume now and so need to go out really.

She said that it was only fair that she got some of her own way! I couldn't quite believe my ears! I told her I wasn't going to argue with her and that I was willing to go to her favourite pub for one drink. If she had her way we would stay in there ALL night long or until she was ready to move on.

In the past I have had to barter with her so that we can go where I want to go. And I have lost count of the nights we have stayed in her favourite places for hours and hours and hours. I cannot believe she thinks it is ME who is selfish and wants all my own way.

The annoying thing is, when she is out without me she will text me and tell me she is in MY favourite pub having a fabulous time!

Over the years she has made some catty remarks about my weight and height saying that she is much taller than me (we are both the same height). Now she has gained weight and I am slimmer than her but I would not dream of saying anything about her weight. I think her ex said I was pretty and she is annoyed about that too.

We have little in common, we don't like the same music, she drinks lots of alcohol and I don't, we don't like the same food or clothes or TV programmes.

So here are my questions:

Do you think she is jealous of me?

I don't want confrontation so I am not going to tackle her about issues, but I don't look forward to seeing her any more so......should I phase her out of my life?

Any sincere help would be great. There are other issues too but we won't go into those as there is not time!

[Tilly2]

I'm not sure that 'friend' is the right noun to use.

[Blackiequine]

"Should I phase her out of my life" - definitely. I had a friend like this for over 30 years and I suddenly realised it was always me making contact (I was a bit slow). I made sure I left the ball in her court to ring me the following night (to tell me all about her new first grandchild) and I never heard from her again. She was always falling out with people and I always supported her, everything was what she wanted, conversations etc. I realised afterwards how high maintenance she was and it was a relief to escape the dramas. There's no one you can't live without. Move on and don't look back.

[Mamyalynne]

Seems to me your friendship has run it's course, you both need to move on. Neither of you can be getting much pleasure from this forced jollity.

[society]

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question1287424.html

[Ann]

True friends are not like this.

[sherrardk]

Doesn't sound like either of you is a good friend to the other. You haven't managed to say anything positive about her (but you have about yourself). Maybe it is best for both of you to end your friendship.

[Celtigra3]

Life is too short to spend with people who do nothing but run you down and make you stressed.

[society]

I think it's time for you to make a new best friend. Your friend sounds selfish and inconsiderate.

[losgigs]

As you say near the end of your question, you have little in common with each other. You may have been 'best friends' once, but not any more. Spend less time with her and more with other friends who give you more pleasure - isn't that what friendship is all about?

[Zacs-Master]

I think you would both be better people without each other.

[starone]

"should I phase her out of my life?" YES!

[chrissa1]

Not sure why you have posted this twice but, as everyone else has stated, Get rid. She is no friend anymore.

[joggerjayne]

Sometimes you have to stick by your pals, even if they are going through a weird phase.

Be a rock solid friend.

Some time, she might wake up, and realise she has been really difficult.

But also, she will suddenly realise that you have been the best friend a girl could ever wish for.

[boxtops]

I've answered on your duplicate thread - it's time for you to move on. Widen your circle of friends, and phase her out.