Moving Away With Children... Advice Please

[sheribee]

Hi everyone. I split from my husband of 11 yrs (together 17) last year, he mentally abused me for years, and our children, due to mental illness.
He has sought help since our separation, and is dong very well now, and making amends.
I am from the south and we now live in the Midlands.
I would like to move back as I have a partner who lives there and we want to be together, I also have family and friends there.
Here I have nobody, no support except from my Ex partner, whom of course I cannot rely upon to help me with sunless its the children, even then he cant help all the time.
We have a 2 yr old, 11 yr old and 14 yr old together.
My ex of course doesn't want me to move because of the children, he wants to be able to see them as much as possible, at the moment that's several times a week.
I am torn because I believe children need both parents and that I don't have the right to take his children away, but this is at the cost of my happiness.
Our eldest wants to move, hate living here, our middle child would be happy either way so long as she saw her dad, and little one cant tell me of course.
I told him I would bring the kids up every other weekend to see him and in the holidays. He doesn't work, hasnt for 7 yrs due to his illness so couldn't afford travel to see the children.
I ask for no money as he hasn't any, I struggle every day to live and provide for the children.
I just want them to be happy, but I too need to be happy, am I being selfish?? Help because I can see my side but struggle because I know he wants to be with his children too.
Im 33 he is 40. Ive said he can have the house I am in now, its a joint tenancy council house. I would be willing to do what I could so he had good contact with the children, but he doesn't want us to move.
I know his mum will pay to take me to court to stop me as well.
Thanks in advance

[sandyRoe]

Apart from anything else, I can't see how his mum could get the courts to stop you moving to where you wanted to be.

[sheribee]

She would pay his legal fees, so it would be him taking me to court to stop me moving but her paying.

[ummmm]

You can move anywhere...the courts won't stop you as long as you're not planning on leaving the country.

I don't believe you're being selfish. We live in a world where you can email, text, skype. A relationship doesn't have to break down because you don't see someone daily/weekly.

My daughters father lives in Ireland and has done since she was under 2 and they are incredibly close.

[black_cat51]

if the mum wants to waste her money - let her. From what you have said before she won't want to help your children see their dad more often anyway.
How often does the dad see them now, as opposed to how often you are proposing he sees them?

[atalanta]

You certainly do have the right to take the children anywhere else in the UK if you want, and if you feel that is the best thing all round.
Any solicitor consulted by the grandmother would laugh in her face at the idea of forcing you to live where she wants you to live.
It is utter nonsense. A wholly empty, spiteful and stupid threat which she has no chance of carrying out.

[sheribee]

Our 14 year old daughter hates living here, away from her old life she had down south as we moved away almost 2 ys ago. She is depressed and self harming. Lots of people have said I should stay so the children can see thier dad and have a relationship with him, But our daughter says she wants to move and that her dad is being selfish making us stay and she hates him, doesnt want to see him anymore.
I believe children need both parents and to move away to me is selfish on my part for wanting to be happy, by taking the kids away from him.
As he cant have the kids at hhis mums house where he lives now I allow him to come here and see them, i go out, or stay out of the way.
You get one life, I feel im sacrificing my happiness, but isnt that what a parent does? Sacrifice what i want and need, so the kids can see their dad?
Though i think that he would get more quality tme with them if we moved and he had them in holidays and every other weekend. rather than now, 2 hours 2 afternoons a week and one day at the weekend. thats what... 14 hours a week. weekends hed have them from say 7pm friday till about 5pm sunday, every other weekend. waking hours would be say about 26 hours over the weekend, so not much difference really. sorry im rambling.

[ummmm]

Do what is best for you and the children. It's not selfish to want to be happy. If you're happy, the kids will be happy and their father will hopefully make more of an effort when he does see them to make their time together enjoyable.