Just Talkin

[TWR]

about a friend that my wife had when we met many years ago, they were very close & my wife does miss her, it's 7 years this month since Kath passed, there's no Grave / Plaque, Kath did not like Fuss she just wanted her ashes to be shead in a Very Large Private school near to where we live, I said there is nothing to stop us going there I could leave my wife for a few mins to say her words, my wife say's that's silly, I think different, what do you think.

[chelle7272]

I don't think it's silly, but I talk to those I have lost wherever I am, no need to go anywhere special. It works for some people though, I know.

[Barmaid]

Well if your wife thinks it is silly, there is probably little point in going.

I managed to traced Mr BM's dad's grave recently. Took him there and left him to have a little chat (I did pick him up again though).

Was there something that your wife and Kath liked to do together? Or a favourite place they used to lunch or something? Why not go there instead?

[wolf63]

My brother and I 'dumped' my dad's ashes in Loch Earn. It is a beautiful spot and much better than being buried in his garden (this used to amuse him).

Go and remember your wife's friend - just take it as it goes. Everyone is different. I have never been back to my mum's grave as I don't see the point but friends visit parents/spouses weekly.

[Barmaid]

lol at "dumping" your dad in Loch Earn, Wolf.

One day I'll tell the story of my MIL and her ashes. That was hilarious.

[TWR]

Nowhere special regards a cafe etc BM, where they used to go for snack etc we usually visit them places regular.

[anneasquith]

Nice gesture twr, but I can see OH point of view,

[ummmm]

You don't need a set place to go to reflect.

[Sqad]

I agree with your wife.......her friend is dead....doesn't exist anymore, like you and all us ABers......dead.

Go and see the spot where her ashes were scattered.....say a few words?...what good would that do for your friend, they would only make you feel better......and if that is what you want....fine, but don't make some esoteric issue out of this.

We see too much of this on AB........in my opinion.

[bednobs]

"like you and all us ABers......dead."
yikes is this some kind of AB afterlife?
i see dead people ... all the time i'm on AB, but they don't know theyre dead"

[andy-hughes]

The golden rule here is for each individual to behave in a way that comforts them, and does not make them feel uncomfortable with others.

If your wife thinks it's a silly idea, then it is clearly something she is not comfortable doing, so that really answers your question.

[Sqad]

bednobs....LOL

[jno]

Up to your wife, surely?

And you can remember people as and where you please, too. But it sounds as if Kath got the arrangements she wanted, which you could try to respect (though you certainly don't have to, as the dead don't rule our actions).