Angry Letter!

[Barmaid]

I have had a 14 month battle with a utility company. Having thought it was sorted at the end of last month, they have now sent yet another letter which indicates it is most definitely not sorted and we are back to square one. I think it may well have pushed me over the edge.

I shall write them a strongly worded complaint, explaining in simple terms the facts. Again.

However, I am now tossing phrases around my head which I would like to (but wouldn't) use such as:-

You cannot manage stupid
Do you train people to be this incompetent or do you simply employ ex MPs?
Strategically shaven monkey
You sent four men to look in a hole in the ground; I spent several hours wondering when the Indians might turn up to look in the right hole in the ground.
You couldn't run a tap
The rudeness of your ground staff is eclipsed only by the incompetence of your office staff -(may use this one)

What are your dream insulting phrases for a stinging letter of complaint? Cheer me up, fgs. I'm about to lose another hour of my life writing a letter which will be disregarded/misunderstood/lost/pointless.

(And it is day 476 of keeping the cat in cos he has some fighting injuries and is on antibiotics. OK, so it is day 5, it just feels like day 476).

[bednobs]

i have neither the time or crayons to explain this further to you

[Barmaid]

I am loving that one, Bednobs.

[-SharonA-]

I normally threaten them with Watchdog. It usually does the trick.

[wolf63]

How is your little angel?
Still screaming to be let out of prison?

[tiggerblue10]

Usually along the lines of taking a head out of a certain orifice.

[Atheist]

Hurling insults and abuse is not the way to win this sort of fight. I here on AB have no idea who is the a**hole - you or them. You should in my view speak in a civil way and stick to the point. Would a judge weigh a case on who is the best insulter, or who makes the best case?

[wolf63]

Atheist
This is Chatterbank
Sense of humour is required.

[Ellipsis]

> What are your dream insulting phrases for a stinging letter of complaint? Cheer me up, fgs.

You seem to have totally missed the point, Atheist ...

This is Chatterbank, "the home of natter and nonsense" ...

[Atheist]

Sorry, everyone. I thought it was a serious question.

[Tuvok]

Would it be easier if I was to draw you pictures?

[Atheist]

Yes, please, Tuvok!

[Barmaid]

Tuvok, I am coming close to that, given the issue over the two holes in the ground.

Atheist - no worries - this is not a serious question. My letter will be polite, firm and factual. But there is a huge difference between what I would like to say and what I will actually say. I am exasperated beyond words.

Mr BM just asked what I was doing. I said "I am writing to Idiotic Utilities". He said "that's measured, I expected Idiotic ******* Utilities".

[Atheist]

Barmaid; having been the recipient of rude letters, I am a bit sensitive about this issue. It's fun for the senders, but takes up a lot of time for the poor sods who have to bite their lips and send sensible replies without being able to respond in kind. I hope you win your battle.

[Zacs-Master]

You’re making the basic mistake of assuming you’re dealing with people and not a system. Raging against the machine with witty insults will get you nowhere, temporarily satisfying as that may be.
Just stop paying and let it go to court. It will be laughed out.

[Zacs-Master]

As, of course, you’ll no doubt be aware.

[Hopkirk]

Atheist if hurling insults is not the way to proceed, please explain the bearpit of The House of Commons at PMQs.

[DTCwordfan]

just a threat to take the case, factually sequenced, no emotion to Ofgem. We're about to do the same to a lawyer, our supposed lawyer, over now a six week delay to respond to a letter of ours. In his case, a letter to his senior partner will be sent to point out that we will sue them if we don't get the monies from the last tenant because of their procrastination - and also a letter to be sent to the Law Society.

[fcc]

Atheist,get off your high horse.

[Barmaid]

It's OK, I was just having a bit of a laugh and a rant.

DTC - if you are complaining to a solicitor there are specific hoops to go through. They should have let you know what their Complaints Procedure is, or it should be on their website. You need to write to the Complaints Handling Partner and give them (I think) 8 weeks to respond. If they do not respond or their response is unsatisfactory, then you go to the Legal Ombudsman. (At least I think this sounds like a LO type complaint).

[Barmaid]

PS - DTC, if you are claiming negligence (sounds it), you need to read up a bit on this. There are all sorts of rules that kick in with the Law Society and LO where negligence is concerned. The LO also has about an 18 month backlog. I'd be inclined to keep your powder dry and go down the Court route.