A Man In My Life

[Heretoaskandansw]

I'm a 22-year-old woman. On 29th of September I came to Italy to pursue my dream. Since my Italian still needs improvement I chose a major in Italian history to first level up my Italian a little bit and then switch to acting which is my ultimate goal and dream career. This major is lectured in a city named Padova which is too cold and mundane for my taste and my plan is to enter an acting school in Rome as soon as I can get a job, save some money and get my residence permit. All these require me to wait for at least 6 months. I've been here in Padova for a month and a week now and I see my classmates hanging out with new friends or starting a relationship while I'm always lonely and no one seems to notice me. Many of them struggle to speak English or Italian while I'm pretty good at learning languages. Anyways, a month ago I met a guy from my country on the train. Before we talked I kept looking at him and smiling because I found him attractive. We became friends for a while and I realised he's lonely and desperate to meet a girl. And I think that's why he was so happy a girl was finally looking at him. I went to his house where he lives with his flatmate. We got drunk 2 times. The first time we slept on the same bed and nothing happened but he said he hopes something happens next time and he was rather unhappy I didn't give in. The second time I lost counts of drinks and I don't know how I ended up in his arms. But I enjoyed whatever happened between us. In the morning I regretted everything and went on a 3 day trip to Southern Italy where I flirted with a few guys whom I never saw again and when I told him about those guys in a text he didn't reply as if he were jealous. When I came back I remembered I'd ordered to receive my published novel in his flat because I was living in a hostel back then. He usually doesn't text me or when he does it's very brief and he won't reply if my texts are too long for him to read. I texted him to see if he's received my book. He said it'd arrived 2 days before and I was upset he didn't tell me about it sooner. I went to his flat and he invited me for tea. We didn't say anything about that night. It was too late for me to catch the train so I told him I'd sleep on the floor, but he cuddled me and we slept next to each other. He gives me mixed signals. He encourages me once and criticises me more than twice and destroys my self-confidence. I'm not sure I love him, but I feel extremely lonely and I need a man in my life. I have a motherly affection for everyone and I pity him for being so desperate for finding a girl. I always think that if I allow him to use me he'll feel happier, but that's not a healthy attitude. He likes my selfies on social media, but never even looks at my artworks. He even purchased my book to impress me but he's never even tried to read it and when I told him the plot he said it was boring and unrealistic, even though I've received a positive review on Amazon. Anyways, sorry for this long text. I had to describe my situation. What would you do if you were in my shoes? I feel so lonely and wonder when I'll find a friend and a partner. We even agreed on becoming friends with benefits, but I get butterflies each time I hear his voice and that's not good. I feel like a stupid teenager.

[Peter Pedant]

can someone abrdge this?
does she love him or not?
or is that the question

[Heretoaskandansw]

Peter/ If I knew, I'd tell you

[Ringlet]

You are over thinking the situation and making your relationship too intense. You're only 22. Try to keep things a bit more casual and as time passes you will find the answers to your questions on your own. If you continues the same level of intensity you will smother your relationship. Take a step back emotionally and just try to enjoy each others company for a while.