My Late Partners Ashes

[NoseyNose]

I want to ask you great guys at AB,who were so so supportive in my relatively recent bereavement.Where should I scatter my late partners ashes,that I have just received from Pure Cremation.

I know that I can scatter them in our largish garden,(or bury the urn) but I think it was anywhere that is a public place it might require permission.

We do have a river near us,which means his ashes would go down to the sea,  6 miles away,but I don't know if this would be allowed either?

Any (sensible) suggestions would be very helpful.

Doing this will help me to achieve some sort of closure.

Thank You,Gordon.

[scorpiojo]

Some advice here, Gordon

 

https://www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare/advice/scattering-ashes

[MargoTester]

I bought a lovely terracotta pot and a hardy evergreen privet tree shaped into a ball and put my beloved Mum's ashes in there, then if we move she can come with us. 
 

[Ken4155]

NN. when i go, my ashes are to be scattered at the top of Pendle Hill. The hill overlooks Burnley and is visible from almost everywhere in town, so that rather than have to visit a grave, my children and grandchildren need only pop their heads out of the door and look to the hill.

I'd scatter your partner's ashes anywhere that means something special to you and somewhere you may pass almost daily. As for whether something is 'allowed' or not, do it when no-ones looking. Best of luck.

[Vagus]

We have scattered the ashes of four family members in three different public locations and have never asked permission. Three were in a country park at two locations, and one was in the river.

If you do it sensitively and at a time when no one is around then I'd just do it, who's going to know?

[bobbie22]

Hello,   If you are undecided what to do with your partner's ashes, why don't you keep them safe for a while until you make up your mind, and I am sure the thought will come to you in time.   Good luck to you.

[Khandro]

With the vicar's permission, we didn't scatter, we buried them in a hole dug in the churchyard of our Cotswold village & I later added a small marble stone with simply her name & dates.

She was not from that village (Winstone), but from the north of England though she frequently went to the church at occasions, so she knew the place well. It is a beautiful, peaceful  spot & we & family members call & leave flowers.

 

[Pooka1950]

I haven't been able to part with my late husband's ashes, they sit on my dressing table. In due course mine and his will be scattered together. I don't care where but he wanted us to be together for ever. 

[ladybirder]

Could you put them in his favourite place?

[dustypuss]

I once saw some persons ashes thrown into the firebox of  a steam train as it set off down the line. They must have been a steam enthusiast.  

[rowanwitch]

Redman's are still in the bottom of my wardrobe next to my wellies.... Provisional plan is for them to be combined with mine then taken out to sea.  Or maybe just chucked off the Mersey ferry....

[jourdain2]

Is there a place that holds special memories for you?  Or somewhere that your partner really loved? What were his passions in life?  Golf? Fishing? Music? Theatre?  (Open air performances in the case of the latter two).

My husband scattered his late wife's ashes in some woods that were part of their favourite walk in Wales when they lived there. 

Hope this gives you some ideas.  I think no-one objects to ashes-scattering if it is done quietly.

My cat (not the same as a partner, but we loved her) adored to lie sunbathing under our rosemary bush in France, so we bought a rosemary plant and planted it over her ashes. 🙂 

[Khandro]

Scattering can have its problems; on a lighter note, Mel Brooks said he tried to scatter his mother's ashes off Brooklyn Bridge, but the wind blew them back at him all over his raincoat, which he had to send then to the cleaners, so his dear mum ended up in the Nu-Clean dry cleaners ! 

[Cloverjo]

This is difficult. My beloved grandparents' ashes were scattered at the crematorium. I don't think about them at all when I drive past. (Is that bad?)

My mum's ashes are still in my dad's house, next to the telly. My dad wants his and my mum's ashes mixed together and made into a brick. 

 

 

[andres]

My husbands ashes are in a vase on a small table in the living room. Comforting in a way to just look over and see it. When I die  our ashes will be mixed ,placed  in a casket and then put into the family grave. 

[andres]

Gordon,  I wouldn't rush to do anything . Maybe your partner had a favourite place ?Take your time .

[jno]

Keith Richards claimed he'd inadvetently opened the wrong pot and smoked his father's ashes. Yeah, right. You'll probably need permission if you want to scatter them on the turf at Wembley, but for most places no.

As to where, that's up to you. Was there any place that was special to him, or to the two of you together? When I go I'll suggest (but certainly not demand) that they be placed with those of my parents, but they are perhaps too far away for this to happen. It'll be up to jno jnr and who knows, maybe he'll want me to be buried rather than cremated. All this is entirely up to the survivors; the dead won't know or mind.

Good luck.

[Khandro]

What surprises me about this thread* (not really, it's AB) is the lack of any religious dimension & sensibility as to how to deal to  with the remains of loved ones. Since time immemorial no civilization would plonk their remains 'at the bottom of the wardrobe'. 

O tempora, O mores !  

[david small]

My father's ashes were scattered to the winds off the top of Ventnor's cliffs.

My sister's around a rose bush.

 

[retrocop]

I accompanied my wife and two B.I.Ls with their wives to scatter the M.I.Ls ashes into the sea at Portobello Beach in Scotland.We had a tape cassete playing bagpipe music and M.I.Ls children scooped a spade of ashes out the urn and threw it in the oggin. I was invited to do like wise but felt reluctant and just suggested I took the photos of this solemn rite.They insisted I chucked her ashes in the sea. As I reluctantly scooped a load of soot out the urn a nosey female dog walker approached . As she walked by she just had to have a gawp and got a faceful of MIL's remains as the wind veered as I launched Izzy's remains in the oggin. 

 

[Hopkirk]

Cloverjo's response is similar to my family's regarding my father's ashes. 

The crematorium gave us the option that they could be sprinkled in their rose garden which we could visit when we wished. We went for that option and none of us have ever felt the need to go there.