Being Protected From The Real World.

[NoseyNose]

Until I was 24,when my Mother died,she "protected" me from the real World.Then I was in limbo till I was 27,when I met my recently(Nov 2023) deceased partner,who"protected" me for a further 49 years.

I now realise(at 76) that this is really the worst thing that they could have done?

This has not prepared me to face the "real" world.

I am getting used to situations, that I have never had to face before.

It is is not very easy,but I am working on it,with the help of(new) friends,and all the great guys here on The AnswerBank.

Thank You,I couldn't have done it without all of you.

 

 

 

 

[Countrylover]

We are the same age Gordon.  I'll be 77 in April.  Ì really admire you for all you are doing now.  I was brought up yo be very independent and made sure I did the same for my son.  Now I'm very dependent on my husband because of ill health and mobility issues so I'm having to come to terms with that as I miss being so independent and having to rely on others. 

Life can be hard!  Keep up the good work.  I really enjoy your posts.  You have a good sense of humour. Xx

Did you manage to release your soup? 

Lottie x

[barry1010]

You are so right but your situation is not unusual.

We made sure that all our children could look after themselves before they left home - cook full meals, housework, laundry, very basic DIY.

We made sure they understood the value of money and budgeting.

I will never forget an elderly gent I saw holding a shopping basket in the Co-Op in the early 70s.  He was in a state of total confusion and distress.  His wife had recently died and he had never been in a supermarket before, had no idea what to buy.  I was nearly in tears myself. 

That's the way it was for many families back then. Defined roles rigidly stuck to.  

I am not criticising your relationship, it worked for both of you and now you are coping as best as you can.  

 

[Old_Geezer]

The site is here to help. Treat this life stage as a learning experience. You should become more confident and knowledgeable as you progress. Good luck.

[NoseyNose]

Countrylover

No lottie,soup is still imprisoned! LOL

[Countrylover]

I have to say you are a very welcome new member of AB.  Intelligent   polite with a sense of humour.  I'm sure I'm  not the only one that thinks like me.  I'm glad you found us in your hours of need.  We are lucky to have you.  X

[Peter Pedant]

keep on keeping on

I have had to cope with the increased dependence that comes with cancer, and it is a pretty awful 'step down'. Make good use of your change of state

[Maydup]

You're doing really well and are an inspiration to us all.  you're situation is not unusual where one partner has relied on the other for certain aspects of their lives. I think I'm quite self sufficient but I know that if I was grieving the smallest thing to go wrong or to try to understand for the first time would seem like a mountain to climb. 
Keep positive, stick around here and remember the good times. 

[Maydup]

PS chuck the soup away and buy one of these for the job. It has an air vent. Useful for beans, peas, stew etc - available in any supermarket 

https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/sistema-microwave-soup-bowl-red-915ml

[jno]

ha, yes, my late OH had very firm views on gender roles, though they weren't always the usual ones (he: remembered wedding anniversaries; she: fixed the electrics) and I am now having to learn.

[pastafreak]

I remember wanting to go fishing with my dad and uncle...no, it wouldn't be right for a girl. Well, aside from the fact that I couldn't swim...why??

Meanwhile, mother was very overprotective...neither me, or much older brother and sister ever learned to swim,ride a bike, rollerskate(all the girls did in the 50s)or iceskate...oh, I didn't have a sled for when it snowed.

I made sure my daughter had fun and learned skills...including swimming and cycling. She and her partner go off snowboarding every year. I could never do that. Instead I developed panic attacks and agoraphobia. 

I'm your age like many others on here. Be very, very proud of your new accomplishments...and proud that you are open to learning. We ABers are very proud of you x

[ferlew]

I'm so glad you reached out to Answerbank Gordon. You have come so far in such a very short time.
I am 76 too, my sister is 74 and she was overprotected as she was a "poorly' child. It hasn't done her any favours.
I love that you aren't too proud to ask for advice.
Keep on doing what you're doing :)

[rowanwitch]

Most of the scary stuff is in our own minds, just remember Most people are decent and kind.  Take it slowly, don't expect too much too soon but I think you will be fine

[andres]

I am glad that you are making such good progress and you are much more positive now 

Do you see anything of your partner's brother now. Does he visit?

 

 

[NoseyNose]

Thank You for asking andres,

Yes,I like to think that I am more positive now,than in late November when my partner died suddenly.

No I don't actually see much of my late partners brother, but we are on very good terms.We commuicate daily via email.He is administering the estate,as he counts as next of kin.I have known him now for 49 years,he was a much loved brother to my partner, he is 2 years older than him.

I live in East Sussex,and he lives Yorkshire,near Leeds,so it's not possible for us to meet up much.He has been good at sorting out all the paperwork, considering that he will probably not get much out of the estate.

He has already said,that ALL of my late partners assests will come to me.

I would like to reward him,but I don't think he will take anything for all his efforts.

 

[Tuvok]

Are there any belongings that you think he might like?

Does he have any children/grandchildren - if he won't take anything, he might take on their behalf.

[Maydup]

The most appropriate thing might be to recognise your Brother in Law in your own will .

[NoseyNose]

Tuvok,

Next time he comes here,I will ask him if there is anything he might like,as a keepsake.

Of course he won't actually know just what is mine,and what is his Brother's.

However,I can offer him a choice,can't I.

Maydup

That's a good idea,I shall have to include him when I do make a will,which I hope may be soon.

I have friends,but no dependants,or relatives.

 

[Canary42]

I endorse those who have designated you as a welcome addition to the Answerbank "family".

Most (all!) of us have grey areas of knowledge/experience and a query followed by a good-humoured response here can be very useful.

[andres]

NN--- Just a thought ,supposing that he dies before you ? Better idea would be to let him choose something now .

[NoseyNose]

andres

A good idea,but as he lives 242 miles from me,it might be quite a while before he comes down here again,just for a few items? I will bear it in mind however..