I am sorry to bother you all but i am so not going anywhere.

[steve208]

Ok well i just really feel that nothing is moving along very much in life whilst those around me or people i know are busy and moving forward i am stuck. Also i can be so depressed for say a week or two and time goes by. I seem to have this thing or problem that one small thing can happen to make me feel bad and it will be a downward spiral.

For example i will get upset at been a year at home since leaving uni and moving back in. I dont have the money coming in to allow me to move out and cant a seem to get a job to get me on the ladder.

So i mean no money so stuck at home so feel down so stay here and feel worse and even when i do good things like go swimming 3 times a week it never lasts.

when something gets me more depressed than normal i will then go on a not eat or eat v little phase and this can last a week or so. i know it makes me more depressed if i dont eat much but i feel i have to punish myself.

[~posy~]

i told you steve!! i'm not afraid to come round there and kick you up the ass!!!

get your lists made and stick to them! the more you do it, the more you will get done and the more achievement you will feel. then you will get out of this cycle. the only one that can stop it mate is you!!

xXxXx

[steve208]

hi posy im sorry i know i need a kick but all i can think is i should not and feel guilty.

have some time off work this week so will try to do some job applications and also have some time to relax and reflect then try to come at things with renewed vigour. i have to find the desire to be vigerous with life though

[~posy~]

you will not TRY to do some job applications!! you will put it on your to do list and get them done!!
don't say you will TRY to do anything because then you know already that you are not putting everything into it, and therefore giving you more reason to feel down about it and then not do it and then feel guilty coz you haven't done it!!
babe you have to get your lists done and do what is on them, even if you really don't want to do it. just force yourself to do it, the achievement you get for it will make you continue to do things and eventually help you break your cycle. please mate trust me on this one xXx

[Dizzieblonde]

You'll get there in the end Ste, but you really do need to kick yourself in the bum..

I originally dropped-out of University at 18 as my debt was getting too high, and returned home with my tail between my legs. After sitting around for around a month moping and feeling sorry for myself, I applied for a job, got it, and spent the next three years paying off my debt and making some savings until I went back to Uni again at 21 and finally graduated.

Set yourself an aim - your own rented flat, a car, or Uni again - and just go for it. Take any crappy job you can to start with (there's plenty out there! lol), just to get you going and disciplined, then work from there :)

[bobtheturkey]

you need a kick up the hole

regards bob

[steve208]

Thanks but ive never been very good with lists whichever way around i try.

either a to do list is huge so i dont get things done

or i try a done list keeping the to do list in my head and writing the done stuff down so as to show myself what can be done but also this does not result in progress.

unfortunatley i am a person who always sees the bigger picture and everythings affects everything else whether positive or negative.

I am in debt so cant move.

I have a poorly paid low skill job and cant seem to get on.

i am lonely alienated and lost in terms of emotional conections whether it is friends or work people i just feel i dont connect with anyone atm.

my brain is dormant atm and i know i can do more so much more but can find neither the confidence nor the ability to carry this through.

i really want to give up with life sometimes but know there are people who would not want me to do it and do want me around despite what i may want or think.

[scatty mare]

Why do you feel you have to 'punishing yourself'? People with low self-esteem often feel that they don't deserve to be happy and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't have a magic answer, but you really need to stop being so self-critical and realise that you're no worse or better than anyone else. Try not to over-analyse everything or let negative thoughts take over. Do you have anyone close you can talk things over with?

[steve208]

regardign jobs i will try harder just dont think i am the product that fits with what an office wants. i am trying to get more experience and i hope if i put the effort in some doors will open in time. i know i can be good in an office but just dont have the confidence and experience to state it boldly.

[scatty mare]

I think I meant 'punish yourself'!

[lastchance]

steve posy is right, but have you been to the doctor about this you sound very depressed and may need medication to give you that kick up the ass. Also get outside, do more exercise it will make you feel so much better even just a brisk walk. with Autumn / Winter comming up it can be to easy to stay away from the world and make yourself more ill. Take care X

[bobtheturkey]

stop encouraging the lazy tosspot, personally if i were in charge of the country i would give unemployed people 3 weeks to find a job or they would be shot, problem solved

[steve208]

hi scatty i dont have anyone close to talk things over with and if i do make friends at any point i certianly would not go deep into how i feel. if i talk things over with ppl then i feel guilty like i am putting upon them as i can do it a lot as i am very rarely happy. i do get to chat to a counsllor once a week which i think helps.

[scatty mare]

Aww, you're all heart, bob.

[joby1]

Well that's alot more than ********* else gets. Count yerself lucky...counsellor indeed!!

[steve208]

bob - i do have a job but it is not exactly paying well or appropriate to my qualifications, it is just to pay the bills and barely does that.

Lastchance - i have been to the doctor a lot and have come off of prozac as i felt there was no disernable difference between taking it or not taking it. I have had problems since about the age of 15 but never sought help until i got to uni when things got v bad. i was on various anti-depressants throughtout uni and right up until april this year when i decided to come off them.

[joby1]

* any b*gger*

[rugeleyboy]

here here bob!! i would also get the dolies to pick litter off the street!!

anyway!! steve208....if you dont mind me asking ..how old are you??

you seem to be going through the " poor little me " phase!

if you want something in life,you have to go and get it!! when i was young, i hadnt got a clue what to do,and i thought the world was spinning on without me!! all of a sudden it happens!! i dont know what? but it will!

i was 26 when i found my "thing"??

[Dizzieblonde]

No messing with the Turkey then! Soooo strict... ;)

You could try your G.P. to see if he/she suggests you're depressed - there's a difference between being clinically depressed and just the usual lethargic, sense of being lost, that most people experience from time to time. Eitherway, even with the best anti-depressants money can buy, you still need to find something or someone to kick you into touch, and just work up from there.

You say your current job is a bit crappy, so how about working on that? By next week, have yourself a spanking new C.V. written, and try to have applied for at least one job - doesn't matter what it is really, it'd be good experience. How's that sound for a reasonable start Steve? :)

[lastchance]

Another thing don't worry so much about work, just do whatever job well, and always with a smile, people soon notice this and you will be rewarded in the future with many a promotion leading to your dream job.

[~posy~]

steve - the more you say can't the more you believe it! you have to do something to get out of this cycle otherwise it will just get worse. c'mon babe, you have to get going. i really hate the thought of you being so down xXx