Struggling :(

[elwoodspice]

This probably comes across as really lame but I guess you'll soon tell me.

People see me as a confident, capable person with get up and go but the reallity is quite different. I'm 42, 5'10", 18 & a bit stone and getting bigger. I have very low self esteem and no motivation at all. I spend most of my time fretting about not doing enough with my life whilst doing nothing with my life. I can't seem to snap out of this endless spiral of eating, feeling tired and generally being a lazy so & so.

I have my own business that has lots of potential but is currently struggling to make ends meet and I know I could make it really successful but I just can't snap out of this state of mind.

I wake every morning with the best of intentions but by mid morning it's all gone to pot. I get down and the whole cycle starts again. I started this year promising myself it would be so different and here we are in September and everything is just the same. Life is passing me by and I'm spending a large chunk of it worrying about be a lazy fat git whilst I'm being a lazy fat git!!

Thing is, if someone had said this to me in the past I would have had no sympathy and told them to just snap out of it. I don't know what to do really. Any advice would be appreciated. Go easy if you're going to have a dig.

[radiogaga]

i think you lack motivation, this tied in with your low self esteem is the problem
the very thought of doing something can sometimes get me down! but persevere and do it, you feel soooo much better
team up with someone even if its a club, fishing or walking.
if you want to challenge your weight and eating go to weight watchers.
start with your soul and everything else will follow suit.
learn to love yourself, you are unique learn to live with your failings, no one's perfect.
make your self do activity, even if its only a bloody walk
we ALL have days where we wished we'd stayed in bed, Only you can change this situation, with help and support from clubs, friends. aim to do something which will make you think you have acheived something, it may be work related or social, just a wee thing.every day. aim for that.

[weeal]

aw brilliant answer radiogaga, ditto what you said.

Even if you start with one wee thing that you know you like/or are good at it is a start and build from there. Youre not alone, there are many many people out here in the same boat as you are but youve got the ball rolling by 'knowing' that you need to get on the up again and you will! Do you have someone close who can help?

[bensmum]

I aslo agree with radiogaga.
I wouldn't say snap out of it because I'm sure you would if you could and it's never that easy.
You could look for courses in your area on confidence building or Emotional Freedom Technique. These help with body image, self-esteem, shyness, overcoming tendencies to overeat etc.
You might also like to try joining a walking group - they not only help with exercise but often become social groups as well.
Good luck

[shk]

Sorry to hear you feel like this, it's easy for people to tell you to snap out of it. If you had a broken leg, people would not expect you to run a marathon but just because it is a frame of mine, they do not understand.

As everyone else has said, take baby steps. It's widely known that healthy eating and exercising helps greatly with self esteem and mood issues but try doing it when you feel like $h!t!

Try and get some joy back in life even if it's looking at a tree (don't laugh!), concentrate of what you enjoy and stop thinking about what you should be doing.

Sometimes a shift in perspective is all that's needed. You've got a business with potential - kick some a$$ then!

Good luck x

[annie0000]

I can really see where you are coming from, but you need to think about the positives.

You have set up and are keeping afloat your own business, do you have any idea how many people wish they had the guts to do that?

It is never too late to make a fresh start - don't leave it 'til the new year.

Here is a link to a programme that I have used in the past - I think that you can do the basics for free:

http://www.bestyearyet.com/Personal/BYYOWelcom e.cfm

It is really worth doing. It forces you to think about what is good about your life and you make an action plan in bite size chunks to get you to where you want to be. It would be great if you could team up with someone else to do it as well and then you can keep each other on track. Do you have a friend or family member that would also like to achieve something more - even if it is simply managing to keep on top of their housework!

[annie0000]

p.s. I am not getting sponsored by the people who designed this programme, I just genuinely believe it helps.

[elwoodspice]

I didn't expect so many genuine responses so quickly. Thanks folks.

I've recovered my confidence after being badly beaten up by six blokes as a lad, I've retrained after 18 months of unemployment to spend ten successful years ending in a managerial position of a blue chip company, I've reconstructed my life after having my house reposessed in the nighties and virtual bankrupcy, I've created a business from scratch with no finance in an unfamilier industry, I now own a house again on which I've built an extension and conservatory on my own.

I sometimes feel like I've moved mountains in my life and yet this beats me day in and day out at the moment.

You know SHK, there's not a lot of joy at the moment you may be onto something there. Maybe I need to start there?

I'll take a look at that link annie.

Thanks!

[annie0000]

See - I knew that you had plenty of things to be proud of. You need to think about what would be achievable for you in the next year.

Would you like to take up a new interest?
Would you like to get fitter?
Would you like to make a new friend?

I think you need to set yourself some goals that will be achievable in a year, but break it down into small chunks.

i.e. by the end of the month I will:
Enquire about night classes in XXX
Go for a 30 minute walk twice a week
Ask an aquaintance if they fancy going for a pint one night.

Let us know how you get on.

[wolf63]

You sound depressed and this can be an evil illness. It robs you of your motivation and your ability to change your life and thought patterns.

My psychiatrist told me to try high strength Omega 3 - it is expensive but I feel the difference.

http://www.healthyandessential.co.uk/shop/prod uct_info.php?cPath=30&products_id=47

Also consider St Johns Wort if you are not taking any prescribed antidepressants. Holland and Barrett or Boots will have this.

With the help of these products it will help you to make the changes in your life suggested by the other people who have replied to your post.

You have many successes in your life. I am sure that you have the strength to get through this problem.

Susan

[elwoodspice]

Thanks for taking the time to respond annie & susan et all. I was diagnosed with depression when I lost my house back in the nineties (not nighties :) ). Again, prior to that I would have little sympathy for anyone who had told me they were suffering from depression. I had no idea how debilitating it could be. I remember the feeling of almost being trapped inside myself and being unable to get out. I would have days where I felt fine inside but could not let it out.

I ripped the garden apart today. It's needed doing for a while and I feel really good tonight. As for the minerals Susan, do they really work? I'm a little cynical by nature so have always doubted them believing them to mainly have a placebo effect. But you suggest they have really done the trick for you.

[annie0000]

Good for you elwood - fresh air and exercise never did anybody any harm ;O).

Hopefully you have broken the cycle and can start to move on - remember that whenever you need a bit of a push on, there are people around to support you.

Keep us updated - you may even inspire me to tidy up the study instead of sitting on the PC!

[annie0000]

p.s. decide now what you are going to do tomorrow and amke it happen.

[wolf63]

Yes - these two do work. There have been loads of clinical trials on both and my doctor recommends both.

Like every drug they might not work in the same way on everybody.

Try sites like http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ (you might have to subscribe). This is a well run and informative site.

Good luck

[briar-rose]

depression isn't funny at all, and it can hit people of all ages. I hope you soon feel better in yourself, but it might be wise to ask your doctor for some anti-depressants just to tide you over the worst of it.