Choice - Girlfriend over kids??

[station4]

I have been separated from my husband sonce April2007 we are now both seeing other people. We agreed through meadiation that he would have our two children 4 & 7 over night wed/thurs one week fri/sat the next. School holidays would be split except August when they would send a week in addition to the previously agreed days. Anyway to cut an extremly long story - He basically told me he only wanted to see them wed/thurs nights for the first 4 weeks July then not at all from 24th July to the 19th August then wed/thurs night until Sept then he goes on holiday for a week. So it will be 10 weekend and 3 1/2 weeks that he not see them and as he work full time when will he actually see them they will be cared for and fed by his mum. The reason he has given me is that he wants to spend alone time with his girlfriend and then that he can't afford to feed them, the reason he not want them during the weekends he told me cos he working have since found out it because he got weekends away and nights out planned!!! Any thing I can do about this????? I know I can't force him to have them but it should be an agreement between us they are OUR children after all (he is still living in our 3 bed marital home with girlfriend and her son refusing to move while i live in rented!!) Any advice or experience appreciated!

[voltr4m4x]

Unfortunately for you there is nothing you can do to make your husband see the children, but you can make him pay towards their maintenance. Regrettably, these type of cases are all too familiar in a modern society and it is a sad reflection of so many family breakdowns. I know you will ber blaming your husband for this situation, and I suspect he will be blaming you in equal measure. At the end of the day, however, it's the children who suffer. Why not ask them where they'd rather be... whether to spend time with you or with their father ? Their views are important. An agreement in these circumstances is but an "agreement" and nothing more. Apply for a court order requiring your husband to contribute financially to the childrens' welfare and make sure that he has to pay as much as is necessary.

[naflharrison]

do you have any solicitors involved as i think it is priority that there are access rules in place and financial rules. you r best best would be to hava a court order in place stating exactly when your husband is to have your children then if he doesnt take them or continues to give excuses he will be in breach of the order. i know its harsh but in the long run it will probably become neccessary. is there any reason that you could not continue to live in your home? really until you are actually getting divorced you should be in your own home with your children instead of upheaval of moving after a breakup. its really more stress for your children. if you couldnt afford to keep the house yourself that is fair enough but your husband should be providing a roof for his children as well as you.

[station4]

Unfortunately my mother in law lived in the house next door which is where he would have had to live. We are in process of divorce just about to apply for decree absolute when completed mountain of paperwork that my solicitor has givin me.

[karenmac60]

They are better off with you. MY ex wants more and more time with our daughter while paying less and less money, and she isn't particularly pleasant when she comes back. If he gradually drifted out of her life I'd be grateful, he's not a good influence and I don't like his girlfriend who seems to have decided she's my daughters mum - buying her her first bra for example. I find it very disruptive to my daughter and would be happy if I thought he was gone and she was staying with me from now on. I know it would hurt her and be hard, but I think she'd turn out a much better person without him in her life.

[Ice.Maiden]

I feel SO sorry for your children, station. Not only have their parents split up, but they also have new partners to contend with, and don't live in the house they were used to, any more. Now it seems that their father wants to push them away, in favour of his social life!
Your first priority should be to your kids. What made you leave the marital home in the first place? You must ensure that your husband pays towards the children, and then let access be decided by a court.

[station4]

Basically I left due to continual upset of all of us constant rows. My ex can become abusive (still) and violent smashing up things and racing off in the car for hours on end. Didn't want children brought up to class this as 'normal'! Have now had breakthough he called last night to say he want to discuss and try and resolve. Have explained that I want the best for the kids and that includes having a daddy that puts them first. Have agreed interim contact for school hols and then he assures me that we will resume our original agreement in September!! For sake of kids he has this chance!!!! Thanks for all your answers