Do you split families at Christmas?

[leecamowol]

I'm asking mainly to see how others deal with Christmas and the different families.

I’m 27 and until 2003 Christmas was spent at the parental home with both parents.

Then Christmas during 2003 - 2005 were spent Christmas Day switched each year from at my parents to the "in-laws". However as the parents-in-law were separated at some point during the afternoon/evening on the Christmas Day's at my parents we also had to travel (a couple of hours) to theirs. So I could understand my parents annoyance during this period as we never spent very long at theirs when it was their Christmas Day turn.

Then when I was single in 2006 I went back "home" for Christmas Day.

During 2007 I met my current partner and as he works at care home he has to work every other Christmas. His family goes out for Christmas meal on Christmas Day and Boxing Day but because of his work arrangements we decided to do the switching years idea again. So far it has gone like this:

2007: Partner working so Christmas Day was spent with the in-laws, boxing day with my parents
2008: Partner NOT working so Christmas Day spent at my parents (though in the evening with returned to the in-laws as it was my partner's baby brothers first Christmas), Boxing Day at In-laws

So this year (as I thought this switching was working well and was the fairest option):

2009: Partner working so Christmas Day with in-laws, Boxing Day with parents.

[leecamowol]

However I've just been informed that my parents no longer want us to go over as they have decided to go to my aunts on Boxing Day ... they said they will come and see me Christmas morning (while my partner is at work doing his shift) and then shoot off to my Aunts. But they had the audacity to say "next year you'll have to arrange it so you come to us for a Christmas for once” to which I responded "we did last year, we switch it every year to be fair as you know 'C' works every other Christmas" to which I got some half comment about it not feeling like that and I didn’t realise you were here last Christmas Day!

How do other people deal with this family issue at Christmas? It’s really stressful and annoys me every year – it crops up around Sept/Oct when we have to book our place at the meal and drags on until Christmas. We’ve offered for my parents to come over to the meal out but claim they can’t do that as they don’t do it for my brother (who they’re lucky if they see at Christmas as his wife is worse than partner 1 above, i.e. everything is with her family or not at all).

I really thought switching Christmas visits yearly especially as my partner has to work every other year was the easiest and fairest way?! Just for completeness my parents live 1 hour away, the “in-laws” 5 mins away and as I mentioned there is a new little one in the in-law family who is almost two but my parents seem more childish then him!!

Any advice?

[rinkins]

leecamowol - over the years I have realised that I have torn myself into pieces over the same issues, even when I am single. I don't know what to suggest I'm sorry, I think you are right on this occasion but I really sympathise. My parents are divorced. I have a brother who alternates like you with parents and in-laws and who cooks which year which day it gets so confusing. I am single at the moment so My Mum is expecting me to go to hers and also my brother will be round hers. Added problem, I live with people who are like parents to me. My paternal Nan will be alone so I was planning on having her over with us for Christmas. Mum still having a go. I was out of the country last year (which for me was a good result for once - no stress!) And my "other parents had my Nan - bearing in mind they are not even related, but my Nan can't go to Mum's because they don't get on. Now I learn that my Father will be coming to stay with my Nan for Christmas so I will have to entertain him too. It's a flippin nightmare and I dread the thought of Christmas every single year. This year would have worked out great if my brother was going to be at Mum's boxing day then it would have been easier to be diplomatic. But I daresay I will get emotional blackmail from my Mum because I ahven't been to hers for Christmas for 2 years. Even though I usually visit at some point! Maybe I should book a holiday again LOL

Good luck with it - sorry I have rambled but it has been quite nice for me to see I am not alone!

[brenda]

Happy Christmas everyone !!!!!!!

Don't these problems showyou what a load of old balonet it really is ???

[brenda]

Sorry --baloney.

[Sqad]

Brenda....balonet....baloney.....same thing as "b0llocks"

Agreed.

Just me and mrs sqad.

[Androcles]

For years after we were married we went to one set of parents for Christmas and the other for New year and then next year reversed it. They lived in opposite directions from where we lived and were about 300 miles apart.
Then one year, we said "How about you both come to us for Christmas?" "Oh no" they said "We always spend Christmas at home! its a tradition"

"OK" we said " It is in our family too from now on......"

[sammmo]

for the last 26 yrs we have had christmas at home ..my wife cooks for about 10 of us and she is tired of it so this year we are off to benidorm so everyone can fend for thereselves this year.. we are going all inclusive at a hotel that has everything indoor pool entertainment and lays on a very nice christmas dinner with a bottle of red white and champagne on each table.. we are both looking forewards to it..

[brenda]

Good for you both -- have a wonderful time.

[Booldawg]

Family wise Christmas always gets 'political'

[wiggal]

Hey,

First year I was with my OH we both spent Christmas apart and with our own parents, the next 2 years we spent with my family as my sister & sister in law come down to mum & stepdads, and so does my brother. The last 2 years we have spent with my boyfriends mum and family and seen my family on boxing day as my sister and sister in law havent come down as my sister in laws mum is very very ill so they stay with her and come down boxing morning!

This year I am very very happy, as my boyfriends mum has invited my mum and stepdad over to hers for Christmas day as my OHs sister is going to her in laws and my brother is going to my dads! So rather then mum and stepdad being on their own, we will all be together and both me and my fella get to be with our families for Christmas!! :-D Then on Boxing day, we will head to my mums and my sisters will come down and my brother and we will do Christmas day round 2!!

[China Doll]

To escape this sort of nonsense I'm going to Australia to spend christmas with my sister. :c)

If I was with someone I'd say sod the parents and spend christmas in bed. I just can't be bothered witht his sort of nonsense anymore.

[katieb73]

My hubby goes to his parents and I go to mine! Simple, we see each other the rest of the year!!!!

[karenmac60]

My problem is with my daughter. Her dad and I are divorced and I am remarried - he lives with someone. So on Xmas day my daughter(she's 13) has got to wake up at one parent's (we do year about), then she has to see that parent's parents, then that parent's partner's parents, then go to the other parent and do the whole 2 sets of parents again. She barely gets 2 minutes to relax, but all the grandparents kick up a fuss if they don't get to see her. Last year my in-laws invited us for dinner, expecting the 3 of us to spend the whole day with them. Given that they are not related to my daughter and don't speak to me or her the rest of the year I thought it was a bit of a cheek when they took a strop cos we said no!