We Don't Just Get Fan Mail...

[AB Editor]

Dear All,

While we are, of course, inundated with piles and piles of fan mail every morning we sometimes find something a little more special.

We think that sometimes we must not make the service clear. We sometimes receive emails asking us questions. These are, for the most part, hilarious. And yes, while we are very clever, we often don't know the answer to these questions.

We thought it would be cruel to have these important questions sitting in our inbox without them having the chance of being answered. To this end I present you a few of our favourite questions. If you know the answer, please reply in the formal fashion. (Names have been changed)

#1
Hi,
I pickled some onions last year and on opening a jar recently I found a large brown blob of jelly-like substance. I've been pickling my own onions for a long time but have never encountered anything like this before. I was wondering if you could possibly tell me what this substance is, as I've eaten one of the onions and am now quite worried.
Thank you,
Regards,
Dr. Shallot Church

#2
ur chicken is Sugar in new zealand and i think it is bulshit to hav an add that says it is the best chicken in new zealand something shud be done about it i cn gt a better tasting piece if chicken from a bakery

(no sign off name, but I imagine they are called Rev. Sanders - the less famous and most bitter of the "Kentucky Brothers")

#3
ur potato & onion salad was totally raw, spoilt my sons wedding reception. my opinion just mine the potatoes were raw, and medical advice is not to eat raw potatoes. the problem is worms in the bowl es. would like to know what you will do to prevent this in future. from a medical person ??????.

(Again this one has no sign off. Possibly related?)

Any answers would be appreciated.

Spare Ed

[ummmm]

Seriously...these were emailed to you? I might my thinking cap on...

Raw potatoes do not give you worms...(there's that one answered)

[mccfluff]

brwon blob of jelly like sunstance was discharge

sorry i'm going

[AB Editor]

Yep, we get emails just like this once or twice a week usually

All the best

Spare Ed

[ummmm]

Are these from regular users or people that have just joined?

[Bob69]

Jesus wept

[AB Editor]

I think a bit of both...who knows!

We also get asked for refunds a lot. I always find that odd.

Spare Ed

[ummmm]

So if I email you when I'm not signed in you won't know it's me?

Refunds...pmsl.

[pericat]

Classic !

[redman41]

To do is to be [Descartes]. To be is to do [Voltaire]. Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra].

[McMouse]

http://www.theanswerb...k/Question867166.html

[marval]

I didn't know AB did potato and onion salad.

[redman41]

I should have added copyright McMouse ! lol

[AB Editor]

I didn't know we did potato and onion salad either until today...

Upon further investigation it turns out that our tech team was running an illegal potato and onion salad ring out of the IT dungeon. The conditions down there are not "optimal" for potato and onion salad production and contravene at least 6759 European health and safety regulations.

The tech team have been issued with a verbal warning, and have since been forced to issue this statement:

"We apologise to all those who purchased our potato and onion salad. We did not intend to ruin any wedding receptions and we're paricularly apologetic to Mr and Mrs. Buttschneider from Bury St. Edmunds who ordered 10,000 litres of the stuff - I swear we'll give you the money back soon, after your bowels have fully recovered."

The AnswerBank would like to take this opportunity to distance itself from the illegal and careless use of it's brand name.

We do however produce a fine range of BBQ sauces and dips that will add a touch of class to any cook-out!

Please direct all sales enquiries to AB Mail.

Ed

[what..the?]

bbq sauce

emmmm...gets the guitar out...

"oh... it's a ab ab sauce, an ab ab sauce"... everybody

[yesterday]

Dear Ed

Ask lie-in-king, he's god and knows everything.