Obsessing over her previous partners

[Benjiman]

I have been with my girlfriend for a year now and we have the most perfect relationship ever (honestly - people comment constantly how amazing we are) but I really really want to know how many guys she has slept with/fooled around before me.

I think it's probably because I have only slept with one other girl and she knows this. There is no doubt in her mind that I have only slept with 2 people. Whereas I know she has slept with at least five but know idea how many more (is it a couple over 5, or a dozen or a couple of dozen)!

I've never let on to her that I think about this and never would.


Can anyone give me any tips on how to stop bloody obsessing over this as my behaviour is really bugging me?

Or would it be acceptable to just come out and ask her? (Girls out there I'd like to know what you think of that) And in the end do you think that would help me or upset me?

Thanks everyone

[sara3]

you could ask her but then you'll want to know who, where, how..

just leave it be, and be grateful for what you have.

[snags]

How do you think you'll feel if she tells you ' two dozen'? Why do you feel the need to know? What difference will it make? Is it going to change the way you feel about her?

[alexanderd]

Sorry Benjiman but what she did before she met you in that respect is none of your business

[cazzz1975]

do you think its insecurity on your part? or maybe you think she will compare you to them? you are better off putting it to the back of your mind as it will ruin your relationship. If you ask you have to prepare for whatever answer she will give.

its better to let it go and accept she has had previous relationships.

[China Doll]

Do you want to know if their Joy-sticks are bigger as well?!

And if you think that's crude then in all honestly it's just the logical next step of questions you'll be asking yoruself once she's answered that. I fail to see how it will enrich your life in any way by knowing. Rather than obsessing about it, everytime you start thinking about it, perhaps change your thought plan to how lucky you are to have a lovely relationship.

[brenda]

Her life before you is none of your business, so butt out before you get hurt.

[Benjiman]

I know, I feel outraged with myself for ever thinking about it!

I feel a need to know because she knows everything about my past.

What difference could it make.... I suppose because I love her I want to know everything about her. Including her past desires and habits.

It wouldn't change the way I feel about her.

Please understand I really don't like these tendencies but can't shake them off.

Any help on how to put them out of my head?

[joeluke]

You wanna know how many she's slept with

Then you'll wanna know their names

Then you'll wanna know how old they were

Then you'll wanna know how well hung they were




I'd drop it right now and enjoy your relationship if I were you

[sara3]

yes, concentrate on all the good stuff and don't mess up what you have.

[Prudie]

It's like squeezing a spot or poking a toothache. Don't do it you''ll only hurt yoursef.

[4getmenot]

I've never asked my bloke how many he's slept with and he doesnt know how many I have. I kind of know some anyway as small town and all that, but really doesnt phase me, I'm even really close mates with some.

[Woody23]

If you're so screwed up about not knowing, then just ask her. Dealing with the answer will be easier.......

[Captin Kirk]

paraphrasing Four Weddings & A Funeral ...

as long as it's more than Princess Diana and less than Madonna you should have nothing to worry about ...

[karenmac60]

You are better being the last person she sleeps with than the first. She's not with any of them now, she's with you. And if you want to keep it that way then you'll need to get over this cos if you don't you'll eventually bring it up and you'll lose her - then someone else will get to be the last. Will that make you feel better?

[4getmenot]

but then next question will be 'who?'

[Prudie]

and then 'did you love them'

[boxtops]

Benjiman, you can't ever know "everything about her, including her past desires and habits" - what she liked and did in the past may not now be relevant, it's not important, and people change too. When I met my OH we were both mature people, he knows I was married before but neither of us have pried into past partners and what we got up to - it's not relevant to our current relationship. What we have now is the best - what went before is gone. Try to think of it that way - she's with you now, celebrate that instead of fretting about the past, draw a line under it and look forward.