Letter In The Telegraph Today.
News2 mins ago
Groan
It's Friday afternoon and the boss calls his salesman into the office and says that today they could close the big deal he's been working on. But it means the salesman must drive to Birmingham immediately.
Feeling lucky, the salesman immediately jumps in his car and sets of up the M1. He's making very good progress when, all of a sudden, his car breaks down. After having a look, he can see he will need assistance.
He tries the emergency phone - but it's broken. Then he attempts to flag down a passing motorist, but being Friday, they don't care and keep screaming past in their efforts to get home for the weekend.
So he sets of over the fields for help. After a while he comes across a high security double fence in the middle of know where, which he is forced to go around. There are 'Keep Out' and 'Government Property' signs everywhere and guard dogs between the fences.
Shortly he arrives at the entrance gate to the establishment. He asks the guard if he can use the phone. The guard explains that 'for security reasons, they have no phones on the site'. Undeterred, he explains the urgency of his business and asks if the guard might have a car - he would willingly pay to use it. But still the answer is 'No'.
'May be, a bike - so I could get to town' he asks. This too gets a negative reply.
The salesman is just about to give up in frustration, when the guard says there may be a solution inside the camp. Taking the salesman through to the main courtyard, he can't believe his eyes! There is an 8 foot tall chicken running round the courtyard. The guard explains that the chicken is a result of one of their devious experiments.
'Oh,’ says the salesman - 'can I ride the chicken to Birmingham'. 'No, no' says the guard. 'We've rigged up a chariot for the chicken to pull, and we've trained it to race. Why not see if you can drive the chariot to Birmingham'.
tbc
Feeling lucky, the salesman immediately jumps in his car and sets of up the M1. He's making very good progress when, all of a sudden, his car breaks down. After having a look, he can see he will need assistance.
He tries the emergency phone - but it's broken. Then he attempts to flag down a passing motorist, but being Friday, they don't care and keep screaming past in their efforts to get home for the weekend.
So he sets of over the fields for help. After a while he comes across a high security double fence in the middle of know where, which he is forced to go around. There are 'Keep Out' and 'Government Property' signs everywhere and guard dogs between the fences.
Shortly he arrives at the entrance gate to the establishment. He asks the guard if he can use the phone. The guard explains that 'for security reasons, they have no phones on the site'. Undeterred, he explains the urgency of his business and asks if the guard might have a car - he would willingly pay to use it. But still the answer is 'No'.
'May be, a bike - so I could get to town' he asks. This too gets a negative reply.
The salesman is just about to give up in frustration, when the guard says there may be a solution inside the camp. Taking the salesman through to the main courtyard, he can't believe his eyes! There is an 8 foot tall chicken running round the courtyard. The guard explains that the chicken is a result of one of their devious experiments.
'Oh,’ says the salesman - 'can I ride the chicken to Birmingham'. 'No, no' says the guard. 'We've rigged up a chariot for the chicken to pull, and we've trained it to race. Why not see if you can drive the chariot to Birmingham'.
tbc
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Thinking this to be ludicrous but realising how late the time is getting, the salesman accepts. 10 minutes later, after being shown how to control the chicken, he is back on the M1 heading north.
At first the chicken and chariot is trotting along the hard shoulder slowly. The salesman wants to go faster. He cracks the whip. The chicken immediately responds and sets of down the middle lane at about 50mph. 'Wow' thinks the salesman. I wonder how fast it will go.
He cracks the whip again, this time much harder. The chicken bolt into the outside lane, braking out of the harness and disappearing over the horizon at about 90mph. The chariot, now out of control crashes violently into the central reservation resulting in a major pile-up.
As he regains consciousness, the salesman, realising the disaster which he has caused sees a policeman leaning over him and asking 'So what’s your story then?’
He replies, 'Well officer... My big 'ens gone!'
At first the chicken and chariot is trotting along the hard shoulder slowly. The salesman wants to go faster. He cracks the whip. The chicken immediately responds and sets of down the middle lane at about 50mph. 'Wow' thinks the salesman. I wonder how fast it will go.
He cracks the whip again, this time much harder. The chicken bolt into the outside lane, braking out of the harness and disappearing over the horizon at about 90mph. The chariot, now out of control crashes violently into the central reservation resulting in a major pile-up.
As he regains consciousness, the salesman, realising the disaster which he has caused sees a policeman leaning over him and asking 'So what’s your story then?’
He replies, 'Well officer... My big 'ens gone!'
1 to 7 of 7
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