Post natal depression

[thikasabrik]

A couple I've known for years have a new baby AND an 11 month old baby. The mother has post natal depression and is on medication. I said I would help them in any way I could. I'm currently off work sick and rashly asked if it would help if I had the babies for a night so they could go out/away for a night. To my horror they have booked a weeks holiday abroad. I think it is a downright cheek but putting that aside, I really don't see how it will help her PND by being separated from her babies for 7 days. Any thoughts?

[woofgang]

Well this may be hard but I think if you actually said "for a night" then I think you should be firm and remind them of this. If you didn't actually say for a night then maybe its a simple misunderstanding. Do you feel capable of caring for these two tinies for a week? again cos if you don't then you must say so.

The other thing is and no offence is intended, but if there could be any doubt as to whether you are a "fit person" in the eyes of child protection law, then you and the parents could be innocently walking into a heap of trouble. The fit person thing could be about your age, experience in child care or whatever problem is keeping you off work, living accommodation or other factors.

Honestly I am not trying to offend, just warn you of a potential risk to yourself and your friends

[ursula62]

You MUST tell them you offered to look after the children for one night only, and that they will have to make arrangements elsewhere if they want to go away for a whole week.

If you are unwell yourself, or at least ill enough not to be working, are you really capable of minding two babies for a week? What if you are infectious? Looking after children is a hard work - some mums I know love going back to the office after a week off for half term - they say they are going back to work for a rest!

[acw]

I hate to say it, but if your boss catches wind of your new babysitting job (albeit unpaid) (s)he might tihnk twice about your sick pay.  I can't believe a mother would want to be away from her babies for any time at all, but then I don't understand PND having never been PN, anteN, or even N myself!  Stick to your guns though brik - they're being bloomin cheeky!

[FP]

Cracked ribs and looking after two babies that aren't even yours.  Definitely NO!!  Tell her about the misunderstanding straight away.  Did they non even consult you about the dates of the holiday.

With such friends, who needs enemies?

[FP]

* not even

[thikasabrik]

Thanks for your advice. I had a brainwave today and contacted both sets of grandparents. While casually chatting I happened to mention the subject in question. Both sides were gobsmacked as well as being miffed that they hadn't been asked. They will shortly be having a chat with their respective offspring and hopefully they will be stepping in to have the children. I will keep you posted.

[Gilli]

Hope it works out ..... for the babies' sake !!!

I can't imagine leaving a new baby for a day, let alone a week ! The poor mite will undoubtedly still be waking up frequently and/or very early and will obviously require a lot of bottle feeding. Personally, I wouldn't even leave an 11 month old for that length of time.

[smudge]

Some friend!

I wouldn't even look after her children for that long even if I didn't have cracked ribs & was in the very best of health - especially knowing she has a family that could!

I think you've made the right move by informing the baby & toddler's Grandparents of the situation.

Get well soon.

[silly moo]

Although I basially agree with most answers could I just out in a word for those with PND.
It is really nasty, it affects people differently, but one thing that some people suffer from is the inability to make rational decisions - especially concerning the welfare of both the baby and themselves.
If you have never had PND you cannot possibly understand it OR the effects.

Your friend needs as much support as possible from friends , family and professionals, which luckily she seems to be getting.

Hope she gets better and that your friendship does not suffer.

[Devon lass]

It seems to me that the parents lack communication skills - they didn't tell you or the grandparents.  Can the grandparents give enough support to ensure the babies needs are met.  It is very hard for a mother with post natal depression.  One line of support is Homestart who help young families in a stressful situation and will they will try and help the family with parenting skills..

[thikasabrik]

Thanks again for all your answers. My friends went away on Wednesday (18th May.) I had the babies last night and today. Grandma #1 is having them tonight and on Friday Grandparents#2 are moving into my friends house to have them for the remaining 5 nights.

In no way will this affect our friendship - I love the family dearly but I just hope they are doing the right thing.