question for the ladys??

[oxeyedaisy]

how many of you could live with someone .knowing they had commited a dreadfull crime including murder..and not tell the police? would you just push it to the back of your mind because you loved the person ? would you just think its one of those things its happened and lets get over it?? i personally would have to tell the police because i believe it could be me next to be murdered..and love would not come into it as any love i had for them would die..also trust would be an issue with me and i would not feel comfortable..i am not a goody goody i just could not shelter someone ..i also feel the same about wife beaters i wouldnt stand for that either they would only do it once and they would be out..what do others think??

[acw]

It would depend on my relationship with the person.  If I were dependent upon him for money and support (or drugs, not that I use, but this is hypothetical) then that would change things.  If he were a violent person and I felt genuinely afraid that he would not be sent to prison and would then come back and harm me or my loved ones, then I would think long and hard before going to the police.  Even more so if they had friends who could harm me whether my partner was in prison or not. 

 

Domestic abuse is a totally different issue, although i suppose closely linked.  The key difference is that in the cover-up you are not yet the victim.  In domestic abuse you are.  Again, if I were dependent on the man for money for my kids, I may be stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

 

I don't know how I'd react til it happened to me.  I said I'd never stand for cheating....

 

Interesting topic though! :-)

[netibiza]

I've often wondered about this.  Now if my partner killed someone who was evil - then maybe I could live with it.  If he killed or hurt an innocent person or child I don't think I could.  But who knows until it happens?

[acw]

I just thought.  Say someone raped your son or daughter and left them for dead.  But your child survived and had to live on with the horrendous memories and scars.  Say your partner than found the culprit and murdered him.  You might then feel that the "victim" deserved everything he got, so you'd keep quiet to try to prevent your family falling further apart. 

 

Horrible example I know, sorry, I'm just trying to illustrate that we can't generalise or predict about this sort of situation. 

[callisto]

what a fantastic question,but difficult to answer.....i mean if someone had touched my children then i couldnt imagine what my partner would do to the culprit if ever it happened but do two wrongs make it right..... do you stand by your man who believes in protecting his child from all evil...... what a question guess we should thankour lucky stars we hopefully never have tothink about it in real terms . its got me thinking though!

[FP]

I just can't imagine how  I would feel or react.  I think I would be totally shell-shocked.   I think it is easy to say, we would go to the police, etc.  But unless we are put in that position, we just don't know.

Again, wife beating (or husband beating) is too complicated an issue.  So many unlikely people remain with their abusers for a variety of reasons.

Hopefully, none of us will every be put to the test in either situation.

[oxeyedaisy]

fp i couldnt shelter anyone that commited a violent crime or murder as that would make me as guilty for protecting them..it is a difficult question and fortunately i hope i shall never be in that situation to make the decision..it must be really difficult living with someone you know has commited a murder as it would be stress with a capital S ..and you would watch them all the time you wouldnt be able to help your self..and what if you did hide the truth and didnt tell the police and they commited another murder or dreadfull crime? i agree with you it would be hard to tell the police and even if you had to hand your own child over to the police it would be unbearable..i myself would just be stressed and all over the place but i would do it..

[FP]

Yes, I don't think I could live with the fact that I was shielding someone from the police - I would be totally stresssed out.  But whether I could go to the police - I really don't know.   If it was the murder of a child or a brutal attack for no reason,  I would definitely have to report it, but if, say, it had happened in a fight or as a result of someone defending someone else, then it would be more difficult.

A really difficult question oxeyedaisy.

[Morrisonker]

If my boyfriend had murdered someone, I'd have to turn him in. I would very probably go to pieces trying to keep a secret like that and if he'd killed someone in cold blood he wouldn't be the person I fell in love with.  If there had been an event which resulted in him killing someone (car accident, mugging etc) and it was purely accidental I'd be there for him, support him because he was acting in self defense or it was not his fault. 

Very good question, good for you!  I'd also like to add that my friend's boyfriend is in the army, and has a desire to train as a sniper, with a view to becoming a hired assasin (hired by the government to do their dirty work) and he asked her if she would have any objections to living off the money that he would get by killing people, and she would be fine with that.  Personally I think he's seen too many 007 films.  I couldn't live with someone who singled out strangers to kill and took money for it. 

[smudge]

oxeydaisy - gosh the others are right, this is a very difficult question to answer.

If my husband confessed that he'd murdered someone in self defence, I'm sure I would suggest that he go to the police to 'explain' what had happened.

I'd like to think that if my husband confessed that he'd murdered a known child killer or rapist, I would find it very difficult to shop him to the police - although taking his guilt on board would stress me out so much, I'd probably beg him to hand himself over to them.

Now if he confessed that he'd actually murdered or raped an innocent child or woman, I just couldn't live with that & would despise him so much for what he had done. I'm sure I would give him the option of him handing himself in to the police, otherwise I'd do it for him.

I know of two women who were physically abused by their partners, but neither of them would shop them to the police - even though they were constantly covered in bruises or cuts. They always took them back on the promise that 'it wouldn't happen again' - but of course it did. This is a very arduous thing to get involved in.

I sincerely hope that none of us ever find ourselves in any of the above situations - so sleep tight.

[oxeyedaisy]

 i cant stop laughing at your answers you all sound stressed thinking about it..just imagine you was living with a well known doctor who is now deceased and he was murdering his patients so he could rob them and you knew...would you have helped him spend the money??allthough it would be difficult to turn a loved one in would you really wish to spend your life with someone that did something really bad..i would look guilty as i am very open and honest..i would be the one carrying the guilt..glad my husband is peacefull and passive..and i wont have to make the decision.we were in the forces once but mr daisy didnt go to war thank goodness ..but i know people that have killed in those circumstances its a bit different..to living with someone that may have murdered a child or another human for just a silly reason..or because the circumstances at the moment.. 

[Philtaz]

I've often wondered why Maxine Carr didn't run to the Police when it became apparent to her that Huntley had killed the girls.  Love of a person and shielding them doesn't come into it when you're talking about the luring/murder of two young girls.  I see it as a travesty that she wasn't given the same sentence as him, given that she lied for him knowing that the girls had been in the house(that's why she washed all the bedding).  Regardless of what he had told her, alarm bells would have been ringing in my head knowing that the last place they were known to be alive was in my bedroom.  Why didn't she think like that?

[callisto]

goodness me.....shes off again ..... oxeyedaisy you make me LOL ...:0

[Artful]

I couldn't, I'm sure I couldn't or perhaps it is that I hope I couldn't because as people have said, you never know until you are in a particular situation and if you are in that situation it's because you have found out - what a mind blower that would be. If I found out accidentally (i.e. no-one had told me) I have no idea of my actions but I would have to talk with somebody - friend (but selfish on my part in that case), the partner (could prove dangerous), a priest, a psychiatrist, a doctor; if it was he (partner) who told me I don't think I could forgive him for burdening with such a 'horror'. Sorry, but that's the best I can do by way of an answer.

[thikasabrik]

What a great question. I thought my opinion on this would be clear cut but other answers have given me food for thought and made me see things aren't always black & white. In most cases I would not be able to shelter my partner as I would not be able to live with my conscience. If someone had seriously harmed one of my kids and my partner then harmed the offender...I don't know. One comment I would like to make is on Maxine Carr. She must have known or had strong suspicions about the activities of Ian Huntley, which in my eyes makes her as guilty as him. For a few months last year she lived yards from me (don't worry AB Ed, I'm not going to say where). Her lifestyle sickens me and we the taxpayers are footing the bill to the tune of �1 million per year. Imagine taking your kids for their weekly swim only to find the pool is closed to the public just because Miss Carr fancied a swim. It happened to me. I don't have a violent bone in my body but I can understand why sometimes vigilantes act as they do. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

[FP]

Philtaz and thickasabrick - I share your views about Maxine Carr and feel she should have had a life sentence.  I disagree that she was as guilty as Ian Huntley as she didn't commit the crime, but by shielding him and helping clear up afterwards she was an accessory to murder.   She must have known it was him.    It makes me furious that she is out and about and we are all finacially contributing towards making her a new and pleasant life.

[flaming]

Yes, what a Q.   Peter Sutcliffe's wife was not involved as far as I remember, but she must have guessed that her husband was the Yorkshire Ripper, because of the number of times (even if she hadn't been suspicious at first).  The trouble is that none of us loving a bloke would want to believe it.  If the evidence was put under our noses, or enough 'circumstantial' built up... goodness it would nag away at the back of your mind if you didn't do something...  It would be impossible not to betray to him that you knew.  I like to think I would go straightaway to the Police.   Can anyone remember what the Mrs. Sutcliffe said?

 I'm divorced now and am amused by the little lies my ex told me, and tells me even now, on the odd occasion we speak on the phone....about nothing ...WHY?   I truly wouldn't have known about anything 'deeper'.  It took me a long time to realise that he wasn't always honest.  Are there compulsive liars - male and female of course?

[callisto]

fantastic answers .....some very well thought out ive enjoyed reading peoples opinion on this subject .

hi flaming... fab answer

[advicegirl]

Do you live with someone that has murderd before? because if you are I would get out of that house or better yet call the police my man. I don't care if you love that person. Boy you should know better than that. Hey shelter or not I wouldn't keep that person in the house. I would fell dead right now. CALL THE POLICE.

[Artful]

Good, sound advice advicegirl. I must admit I was wondering that myself, oxeyedaisy but as the thread evolved I then decided I was being silly. As for the Yorkshire Ripper's wife - the hypothesising is besides the point for ir is hypothetical and it concerns her and no-one else. As for Huntley's partner you all say she was/is innocent of the deed but knew, that, as a couple of people have said, I think makes her as guilty as him. Simply the way she spoke to TV crews at the time... She aided, she abetted.

Here I think oxeyedaisy is posting a "what if" situation.

[smudge]

I wouldn't have thought for one moment that oxeydaisy is harbouring anyone!

I'm sure Maxine Carr must have known what her boyfriend had done to those poor young girls in that bathroom, otherwise why did she volunteer to clean up after him. She should still be behind bars for harbouring him - not living the good life, albeit anon.

As for Peter Sucliffe - well as he was a lorry driver, I guarantee his wife was sitting at home innocently watching Corrie whilst he was out on the road committing his terrible crimes. I do not believe she had any inklings.

Unfortunately, there are lots of compulsive liars in this world - so who knows?