Have an elderly vulnerable neighbour who needs help but wouldn't ask

[Gyvybe]

Hi,

This is a delicate situation. We have an elderly neighbour whose wife sadly passed away a couple of years ago. He has five adult children but they hardly ever visit him, in fact, I haven't seen them in the last year. His health is deteriorating, he has liquid collecting in his lungs (not sure the exact diagnosis), but he can barely walk without running out of breath. He isn't taking care of his garden (hasn't mowed his lawn for 2 years now), but would not accept ANY help from neighbours including ourselves, and we offered many times to help with the house, garden or food shopping.

The only thing that was getting him out of the house was his motorbike - he used it go to food shopping etc. Because of his poor health he couldn't keep it safely stored and was leaving it in his front garden. All was good until last week the motorbike was stolen.

We had a knock on our door and the policeman told us what has happened. Now I know he's not the kind of person who would ask for help, and would probably decline it anyway, but we are wondering if there's anything we can do to help this poor old man. Do local councils have departments that deal with elderly people in similar position? Is there any help he can get, or perhaps some funding towards a new (or used) motorbike? I am not sure if his bike was insured for theft, but I suspect it wasn't.

It's a really sad situation, but we don't want to leave it like this and not do anything.

Any advice as to what to do would be highly appreciated.

Many thanks.

[woofgang]

well you can call social service but the first thing they will ask is if you have the person's permission to talk to them......

[naomi24]

You might try contacting Age UK and having a word with them. They have contact with all sorts of people and organisations who might be able to help.

[vakayu]

It is indeed a very upsetting siutation and you sound like a very caring and good neighbour but without his cooperation your hands are tied.Elderly people are so independent often refusing help as they see it as interference often to their own detriment.

[tamborine]

these people might put you in touch with your local mobility scooter hire, or phone your Red Cross. He's lucky to have you as his caring neighbor.

http://www.carerscent...2&subid=6&subsubid=13

[Nini74]

perhaps he feels embarassed to accept the help - doesn't want to feel like a charity case (not that i'm suggesting that that's how you're making him feel). Maybe you could ask him in for a drink over christmas, get to know him a bit better and then suggest that he come shopping with you when you go or that you'll be happy to pick up some stuff for him while he's out etc - small things you do and can do will mean he's more likely to ask for your help when he really needs it. alternatively, if his children visit him over christmas try to get to have a word with them if you can and explain your concerns to them. it may be that they don't realise what's going on. sad story. he's lucky to have you so willing and keen to help. xxx

[Gyvybe]

Thanks everyone for your feedback, all answers make a good point, hence no 'best answer'. Will take this on board and see what we can do. Thank you!

[droopydrawers]

Do you or any of the neighbours know where the family live? If so maybe someone could speak with them first.
As for help to buy a motorbike I am sure the answer would be no.

He would need to be classed as Disabled and be in receipt of Mobility Allowance to qualify for help to obtain a vehicle, that wouldn't include a motorbike!!

I do hope he accepts some help but no one has the right to force it upon him unfortunately

DD

[plautus]

Yes, classic situation. You are to be commended for offering help, yet I suspect that the offer will be declined. I am heading in that direction myself; I know that physical help will be most useful to me, yet arrogant pride makes me decline it.

[joko]

do you mean a proper motorbike or a mobility scooter?

no-one is going to pay for a new motorbike for him, but he may be able to get a scooter.

surely a motorbike would be insured anyway...

[ladybirder]

Aren't all motorbikes supposed to be insured to be on the road and wouldn't that insurance cover theft, as with a car?