What Do You Think Of My Short Story?

[tomke001]

Ok so I've wrote a short story and would like to know what you guys think.
I do struggle with literacy due to learning difficulties and use writing as practise and as a hobby. So yeah could you take a look please and tell me what you think.

http://www.quotev.com/story/4753201/Baby...

[factor-fiction]

I think there is an interesting tale her but whilst I sympathise with the literacy difficulties you have I think you need to use a spellchecker (it would have picked up INGERIES and TROUBBLE, for example) and get someone to make the main changes to words (TIME not DOWN), punctuation and grammar before you post more widely.
But based on the first few paragraphs it does sound okay when read aloud. I'll look more closely after the football.

[factor-fiction]

Haha- line one of mine: HERE not HER

[DTCwordfan]

Agree with factor, could you do that, please, and I will reread it.....? First cut view, a little more revealing of Sarah's thoughts and emotions may help boost it, a common fault of writers setting out on the long track of experience in this field, something that my own Ed got me to address.......

[tomke001]

I've made some changes to the first chapter but I I'm starting to think everything happening to quickly perhaps I should take some time and see where I can add as well. Thank you for having a look guys