Is It All A Bit Futile

[nailit]

its been just over a year since I went through what might be described as a bit of existential angst. Ending up in a psychiatric hospital after a year of hell with the justice and mental health system. (see previous posts).
However now, a year later, I find myself back where I started with the same old problems, exactly the same scenarios playing out, the same sh#t, different day stuff happening that put me in a psych ward (police cells, courts, accident unit etc) to start with. Once all my court/police/mental health stuff was done with I thought things might be different. I was wrong.
To those who arnt familiar with previous posts please ignore this....I dont need know alls commentating at this moment. To others who have been a massive help in the past, I appreciate ur comments.
Im just finding life a bit futile at the moment and really dont know if I want to carry on. I struggled this past year trying to live a life but inside im dying.

[Cloverjo]

I don't know what you're problems are, but I would urge you to keep going. Are you having help with your mental problems? If not, please ask for some. Do you have a job? Perhaps you could look for a part time job or do some voluntary work. Anything to keep you occupied.
I see in a previous post your mum was ill. She must need you. Please do whatever you can to keep going. One day things will seem ok again.

[Mamyalynne]

Have you now been left to cope with this alone? Has any support system you had disappeared? If so try to get back in contact with them, this feeling of futility needs addressing - it may just be too soon for you to handle single handedly especially if there are family issues too.

I hope one day very soon you find that yes, there is a point in going on.

[mazie]

I know it sounds daft...BUT, if I feel a bit down I sing, I can't sing as I'm tone deaf..but I still do it and they are usually daft songs... Like run rabbit run. Life is good but not worth getting angry about...Be strong nailit. xxxx

[kvalidir]

I remember you Nailit and your problems. Welcome back. I was Sharingan before, I had a little break from here.

Sorry to hear you're feeling overwhelmed and are questioning life but it is worth going on, this feeling won't be forever and although I'm sure you feel at the moment it's an uphill struggle it's understandable that you feel this way at the moment. It's early days yet to be managing everything yourself, so listen to Mamya and try to get some solid support in place to take the strain to give you a chance to choose different directions since the current ones aren't making you happy. I have a family member who suffers horribly with depression and he has coping strategies for when he feels like this and knows he needs to let people in and let them shoulder things sometimes for a while. Please try to do the same. Things are worth living for, just set your sights on the horizon and step by step try to move forward.

[nailit]

Cloverjo, work is a major issue at the mo. Trying to get some voluntary work but same excuse "Sorry, but youve got criminal convictions"
Same for part time work or full time work.
Mamya, yes, ive now been left to it apart from my probation officer who ive got for another 3 month now, but she seems at a bit of a loss. My last meeting was supposes to be with her and a mental health nurse but the nurse never showed up....not surprising given my previous experiances of the mental health team when ive needed them.

[pixie373]

Is your depression still being treated, nailit? It does sound a little like you've been left to cope without any support. I agree with mamya, going back to the GP and those who have helped you before, would be well worth doing. You've overcome it once- you can do so again....best wishes x

[Mamyalynne]

How is your relationship with your GP, perhaps they could get you some more help - far better now than spiral ever downwards again.

[nailit]

Thanks kvalidir...just a bit despondent at the mo I guess.

[pixie373]

Sorry, crossposted, but please go back to whichever GP got you on the right road before.

[nailit]

pixie and mamya, av been on meds for the last year (repeat prescription) sort of helped until recently. Havnt got a GP to speak off, in a practice where you see anyone.

[Mamyalynne]

Make enquiries, there will be at least one of the GP's who takes a keen interest in depressive disorders - it could prove a good thing in the long run.

[pixie373]

It may be that they need increasing slightly, if you are having a stressful time at the moment. I would still be getting an appointment with a doctor at the practice and talk it through with them first. This can be helped, don't suffer alone.

[ladyalex]

Just to say, keep on hanging in there, nailit. Things will get better for you.
You are getting good advice to go and see the GP as perhaps a change in medication, either a higher dose or a different antidepressant, would help.
If you get really down, remember the Samaritans are always there to listen.
And , of course, answerbankers will always respond.
Meanwhile, try to do things that used to make you feel good/better...even if you don't feel like it.
Chin up. :-))

[nailit]

Thanks guys for listening.

[wolf63]

nailit - I don't know the solution to your problem. But I can fully understand and empathise with you. I haven't worked fulltime for ten years due to bipolar disorder. I am lucky in that I have been working in a charity shop for the last eight years - one or two afternoons per week.

Yet sometimes I think that it would be really nice to go to bed and never wake up again. It is a bit like swimming in quicksand - and I can't swim.

Take care and keep plodding on.




☺☺☺☺☺☺

[nailit]

thank you wolf

[nailit]

Thanks for all of your replies last night guys, really appreciate it. Feel a bit better this morning. Just seems like at night problems become bigger than what they are for some reason. Thanks again for allowing me to let of steam without judgement.

[ladyalex]

Really really happy to have helped if only by a tiny bit.
Nights are often much worse than mornings....try to remember that next time and tell yourself that things may look brighter in the morning.

Hope you continue to feel better.
:-))

[EDDIE51]

Hi nalit, sorry to hear you 'down' again .
I am worried that the mental health team still seem to be useless. Your only option seems to be the probation officer, you have to try to get through to him/her that things are getting worse and you desperately need help. I am not saying it will be easy, as you must be aware there have been more cut backs in the NHS this year and unfortunately mental health is one area that has been cut more than most. It is Bi polar disorder you suffer from isn't it? I will do a bit of Googling and see if I can find any charities that may help.

[EDDIE51]

Take a look at this lot
http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/
They have support groups , a help line and an 'eforum' (what ever that is)
I haven't had time to read it all but it looks like there is a lot of support out there including being able to talk to fellow sufferers who have 'been there, got the T shirt' as it were.