Christmas Dilemma - Serious Answers Only

[Stephen_G]

please.

In the past 18 months or so I have lost both my Father (March 2013) and Mother (August 2014). I don't feel like celebrating the "Big day" (Although I don't want to blame what has happened - I have felt like this for years). I have had a request to go to my Sister's (In Somerset) but I've turned that down. Since then, I have had another three offers to visit other families (Two of those are from Relatives, and the other is from my best mate's Mother). I'm not the sort of person to want to let anyone down, but I can't help feeling like it is inevitable - someone is going to get upset.

I know I'd get a phone call on Christmas Day from my Sister, or I could use my Computer and speak to them all on Skype. I'm not involved in any sort of relationship and don't have any kids of my own. I really don't know what to do...

[chaptazbru2]

Would you rather stay at home alone or do you feel you should accept one of the invites?

[dannyk13]

Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

[sandyRoe]

If you don't feel like spending the day with family or friends you should be honest with them and tell them how you're feeling.
Do hospitals accept volunteers on Christmas Day? You'd be keeping yourself occupied and helping out at the same time.

[bhg481]

I suspect that people are being kind and giving you the opportunity to be not on your own at Christmas. No-one is going to be upset if you turn down their invitation - it's your welfare they've got at heart.

[AlwaysConfused]

Go to whoever is nearest to your house, at least you will have a valid reason for your choice 'i am going to ?'s house, as I can walk it and have a drink or two'. If you choose to stay at home, do not drink. It will put you on a downer.

[Baldric]

I would opt for best mates invitation, no memories to share there, and make sure I speak, however briefly, to family.

[ummmm]

People won't be upset if you can't make it. They are just trying to be nice. Do what 'you' want. x

[jourdain2]

Christmas's changed forever when Mum died. I advise you do do something completely different; someone gave me that advice and I followed it. Explain to your family how you feel, and give them a phone call so that they know you are thinking about them.

Sandy has a good idea - we went to a centre for lonely people at Christmas so that everyone met and had a bit of Christmas cheer and some company for a few hours. Most people brought things to eat and share. Just an idea, it worked for me.

[Stephen_G]

There is a memory Baldric, but it's a happy one, and funny as hell to me anyway.

To clarify one thing, I no longer drink (About 9 or 10 years on the wagon) and am definitely NOT having those sort of thoughts. I'm not in the mood. Like I said, I don't want to let anyone down, but I suppose if I want to stay here by myself then I have to...

[MargoTester]

Looking at it as a complete outsider (and if it was my son) I would be inclined to say spend the day with your best friend, as long as you know his Mum pretty well. It would be something completely different and you may find that you could well 'enjoy' the day more that you could with relatives. Just explain to them that you are grateful for their invites but feel this would be the best option for you this year.

[Mamyalynne]

It is far better to explain gently that you truly appreciate the invitations but hope they'll understand you would rather stay at home.

[-Talbot-]

If you have already told your sister you won't be accepting the invite, I would tell a little white lie and tell the others you 'might' accept the invite from her.

[DTCwordfan]

Of your list, the Best Mate's mum makes the most sense, though I agree with Balder's suggestion - extend that out a bit to include whatever you are comfortable with such as Samaritans or perhaps a soup kitchen - the cathedral down here is putting on one this year; they have to, given that the Bish co-chaired the recent commission on food.

Others - well contact the British Legion, Lions or Rotary as they often get up to something and, do you know, you might enjoy the giving of yourself to those in need. I used to take my kids down to work the kitchens in the US before we returned for pressie opening and a late afternoon dinner..and they enjoyed Christmas far more.

[Old_Geezer]

It is. of course, your own choice. But I'd question whether the feeling that you just want to be left alone is your best option. You could find yourself feeling sorry for yourself 24 hours a day (well, when awake anyway). It may help your mood if you did make the effort to socialise. Regardless that you can do it by proxy/PC/Net/Whatever.

Sometimes others can see things from a different perspective and actually be suggesting something you should seriously consider.

I suspect none will feel let down if you go to someone else but they would like to think there were reasons other than you simply preferred to be with someone else. You suggest your sister asked first. Maybe you could use the 'first come first served' reasoning to let others down gently and take up your sister's offer ?

But ultimately do what you think best. Just be aware one can get quite morose left to our own thoughts and the memory of fairly recent events.

[murraymints]

once when faced with Christmas alone I volunteered at local oap home to help serve up dinner, it was a smashing day in the end !

[bednobs]

they are probably all hoping you say no anyway.
I don't mean they don't want to see YOU, just extra people at xmas is a lot of hassle

[237SJ]

I`d just tell them that I don`t want to celebrate Christmas this year and will be quite happy to spend it on my own with the TV. You don`t have to please anyone but yourself.

[anneasquith]

oh bednobs.............. Stephen, do what you want, if I were you I'd go wherever there are children, have lunch, and leave when you want. no one will be offended.

[whirlyhurly]

Well, you are fortunate to have various options to choose from.