Stuck Between A Rock And A Very Hard Place

[dieseldick]

im seperated a year now, tough going, wifey with another guy etc. we have 1 daughter aged 6 years old who im very very close with. here is the sticking point, im unemployed at minute, offshore worked is finished, theres zilch offshore its over. only work i can get is in london with decent money maybe 23-26 an hour. if i stay here in belfast i can get work for £10 an hour thats it - £280 week or thereabouts , ive an apartment at 450 pcm to pay out of that too , so staying and working in belfast not an option. london is only place i can earn decent money for what im used to getting. but....i have to leave my child, she was crying today when i told her, its breaking my heart. as i say we are really close, i take her to school everyday , make her dinner, leave her home, she sleeps over , she allways wants to be with me and not her mum ( her mums from thailand ) she has 2 half brothers but they dont play with her, they dont talk to her, she confides in me that shes lonely staying in her mums , a 6 year old feeling lonely !!! its not right. she tells me she cried a lot and even now to think of me and her mum seperated, i feel for her, she has no aunts or granny or anything in her life apart from me and her mum..hence im stuck - should i stay here the rest of life in belfast or should i go away to work ? bearing in mind i,ll get back to belfast only about 3-4 weekends per year.
what would you do ? be selfish and go or stay .

[ummmm]

Only you can decide. Have you not got family she visits?

[Sqad]

Not much choice there mate.........you have to stay.

[Samuraisan]

I agree with Sqad. You would regret it forever if you leave her. They grow up
So fast, and she needs you, and you need her. Nobody going to their graves says they wish they had worked harder and spent less time with their family.

[ummmm]

My dad often worked away.

I had a close family though...

[Bathsheba]

Samuraisan speaks a lot of sense, diesel .

Baths
x x

[jackthehat]

I'd suggest that you take her with you but given the parlous state of your health it may not be wise....

[Samuraisan]

Thanks Baths !

[EcclesCake]

If you want to be with your daughter you will find a way.

Much like you find a way to take a month long holiday and buy 65" Sony TVs, you perhaps need to rethink your overall lifestyle and priorities.

[EDDIE51]

DD, if you stay in Belfast on £280 a week with rent of £450 a month you are going to qualify for housing / council tax benefit, working tax credit and family tax credit. All in all you will be no worse off than working in London but have a lot better quality of life. You could even reduce your working hours to 24 a week and still take home the same money, the tax credits go up as your income goes down.

[EDDIE51]

Here you go !
http://www.entitledto.co.uk/benefits-calculator/startcalc.aspx
Fill this in for your full time hours and for your income if you reduce to 24 working hours a week.You will be astounded at how much you are entitled to!

[dieseldick]

eccles , get a bloody life !!! what has a 65 " tv got to do with this ? or me going away for 3 weeks ? your still lingering around my threads like a bad smell, go away i dont need your advice, shove it up your sad and lonely behind. .

everyone else, thankyou im tsking your advice onboard. my daughter does not have anyone else only her mum and me, no aunts, uncles, granny or
anything. her aunt sees her a very odd time.

[dieseldick]

eddies thankyou, but i dont claim for my child, her mum claims for her. i would love to work and stay here but 280 week is nothing to live on and certainly nothing to have any standard of living ie holidays, nice car etc.

my hearts telling me i need to stay, maybe i will never forgive myself if i leave her alone, she is such a great child and i can see in her 6 years she has grown so much as in her way of thinking and her feelings , i never felt lonely when i was 6 year old. sometimes i cry at night thinking of her, she recently asked me " daddy what age will you be when im 20" i stupidly replied " i might not be living then " yea stupid, she had rears in her eyes because she knows my health isnt good and she knows if me or her mum ever pass she will be left alone in the world , she has told me this a few times before and i know it plays on her mind.

[Mamyalynne]

It's been said above but I also think your only choice is stay - you'll never get this time with her again. You'd be miserable away from her too, try to get your health issues sorted and do the best you can on a limited budget.

Take care.

[dieseldick]

thanks.

decision time.

[Bathsheba]

DD,...she's 6 years old and you've been talking to her about your death, For Funks Sake?

Baths
x x x

[Cloverjo]

You might not be too much better off in London. Have you taken rent into account? Just a room in a house costs £650 per month.
I think you need to stay in Belfast to be with your girl, unless you can get home more often, and the money really does make it worthwhile.

[jourdain2]

dieseldick, I'm guessing that your heart is telling you the answer from what you say. I can only echo samuraisan and others.

You mention 'nice car' and 'holidays', well, neither is absolutely essential. Just a car of some sort that gets you from a to b is what you need. As for holidays, I didn't have any for 5 years when my children were small, it was all I could do to put food on the table. My daughter once cried the same to me and I gave her the same advice that I'm giving you - holidays can be cheap and interesting and achieved with a very average car, days out, picnics etc..

Please don't think I'm lecturing or disparaging, I'm not, I'm suggesting ways around the dilemma you find yourself in; life may open up in a couple of years - your daughter doesn't get these 'growing-up' years again and she can't think like you. :) x

[EcclesCake]

DD, I can live with your dislike of me.

I just think that you may, perhaps, need to consider a different perspective on your lifestyle from time to time.

You frequently opine on how everything is going wrong for you, maybe an outside and, perhaps, more objective view is worth taking into consideration.

[Islay]

http://www.nijobfinder.co.uk/browse/belfast-jobs

Perhaps you are being too fussy with your jobs! 1920 jobs available at this site alone! Working in a hotel will get you 15000-25000.