What The Hell Is Wrong With Me...am I Bipolar Or Mental?

[Dreamsandlove]

I think something is seriously wrong with me. I am in desperate need of a personality and life transplant. I don't know what all of this is so I've no idea where to go for help, do I go to a doctor, a psychiatrist, a vet or just blow torch my face off.

I don't even know where to begin its hard to put all this into words.

I'm so bad with my self esteem and I have no self love. I don't know how or why. I've no idea how to get self esteem - much appreciate any tips, suggestions and advice because this is getting me down. I look in the mirror and see something I physically dislike. And I'm not sure if I'm even nice on the inside. I don't feel pretty, or fun or like I'm a nice person and I think this has a knock on affect with peers. Mainly because I have a very few set of friends. I'm so socially awkward I struggle on what to say and I think I'm very boring. I'm travelling at the moment and I've been here for 6 months and have only 2 friends. I'm either a horrible person or people just dislike me from first meeting since no one seems to take a liking to me.

I feel like I have anxiety in large groups and I often stay quiet for fear of getting laughed at or disliked. Unless I'm absolutely steaming I'm up dancing on the tables speaking to anyone and everyone.

When I get a boyfriend I become too attached too quickly and after weeks I'm planning our wedding. I take a break up very bad regardless if we've been dating one hour or one week. I usually accept any treatment from guys. I've even welcomed back cheaters previously. It's because I hate being alone. I need to feel loved. Whenever I do have a bf I make them my life. I shut off from everything and they become my happiness. It's like I can't function properly. Doesn't help that I have little friends so they become like my best friend....heaven forbid they want to do something without me.

I'm severely jealous and insecure. Many past relationships have ended due to my lack of trust. I MI5 their asses hotter than an FBI agent. I'm even as bad as getting upset if a partner looks at a girl or is friends with a girl. I have no trust in guys and if I have a partner I check up all the time. I make it difficult for them to be with me.

I can't handle bad situations very well. I get easily annoyed and instead of calmly thinking of a solution to resolve my problem I react on my anger and it only escalates issues. I can't seem to stop this. It's like this is innate.

Some days I wake up feeling really happy, but most days I feel low. Like nothing seems to make me happy.

A doctor would be the best place to start but as I am travelling Australia atm it's very pricey so I'd rather gather opinions on what this could be rather than wasting extra money in a doctor's appointment. I'm pretty tight with money at the moment. Doesn't help that I have been let go from my current job.

Guys any advice, tips, quotes, memes, books to read or ideas on what the hell this is please say. I'm literally at breaking point because I can't figure out if it's therapy I need, anger management, or if all this is something that can't be fixed. I'm trapped inside this live nightmare. I need and want to get to the bottom of this.

[naomi24]

//I can't figure out if it's therapy I need, anger management, or if all this is something that can't be fixed. //

You don't need to figure it out. Go to your doctor. He will decide the best course of action.

[Old_Geezer]

A lot to take in and I'm about to leave; but from a quick scan I see you are suffering from a lock of self confidence pride, and so if someone shows an interest it causes you to "grab on with both hands" It's that you need to tackle. Are there no self confidence courses you can attend ? Or maybe talk over your low mental self image with your GP to see if counselling is a possible treatment

[Old_Geezer]

...lack...
Like I blooming typed >:-(

[Mamyalynne]

You say you can't put it into words but you've done a fair job there - print out what you have typed and take it to the Doctor.

That way if you clam up they will have some idea of how to further refer you if necessary for some guidance.

[tandh]

[piggynose]

yuk