Am I Too Sensitive Or Just Wrong?

[Ellaalb]

I've a friend who is quite close me to me. She wanted to sign up for a course about 2 months back.

She asked for my opinion and mine probably wasn't what she wanted to hear. I wasn't too supportive because the reason she wanted to sign up for the course sounds wrong. And also because I had a some experience with part study part work. So I told her straight, "if you ask me, I'll say don't but its your decision not mine."

Anyway she got very defensive to the point that she used hard and forceful word to make me agree with her. So I just told her I just share with you my experience and is not forcing a decision on her. Its hers to make.

Ever since, whenever we have a conversation, she would try to find a point to boast about her classes. Like, "I don't know why but I keep thinking the course is super easy, like... You probably think I am boasting but I find it so easy I don't understand why people can fail."

I tried to change topic at first and she would usually stop boasting but evetually after a few times, it got a little annoying so I told her that they won't start off too difficult or no one would signup.

We didn't contact for a while (I was overseas for 1 week and I avoided a few calls from her with excuses). After 3 weeks or so, I decided to get back into contact with her, thinking she won't be that hard on trying to prove her point.

But no, after a long conversation, right about time to hang up, she suddenly said, "btw I passed the test." And I said, "ok." because I don't to start trying to prove herself again, I am not ready to handle that. Then she went on again, "I Passed. Although just level 1 but I passed." And I said again, "ok."

Then she went on to say, "you forgot that I am still studying the course right?" Then I said, "no"

Then she waited for a while and said, "i just want to let you know. Haha."

I said, "ok." And there was silence.

After which she just say she need to go and hang up.

The conversation got a little weird eversince the point she started with the random, "I passed."

But it could be me. What do you think?

[kvalidir]

I imagine she was looking for some support initially, you gave the impression either you didn't think she could do it or that you thought she shouldn't do it and it's irritated her. She's now decided to remind you that she has done what you felt she could / should not and you haven't been very graceful about that. If someone tells you they have passed something, the words you use are something along the lines of 'Oh well done you' or 'congratulations I'm glad you're doing well', not 'ok'. that sounds sour, disapproving and frankly a bit nasty. Are you sure you are actually her friend since when she didn't behave the way you thought she should you ignored her for a bit and can't show any joy at her success?

[Old_Geezer]

I think you should let her be and she should drop the attitude. If one asks for advice one should be prepared to receive it. Let her carry on for now and see if the pair of you can be adult enough to put it all in the past soon.

[woofgang]

I think it could be you......I think if you want to keep her friendship then its time to say how impressed you are by her achievement, and how wrong you feel you were when she asked your advice.....but if I were her I don't think I could ever be your friend again.

[Mamyalynne]

Much in line with the other replies really - what she'd love you to say is ' I was wrong telling you to avoid that course, you're doing really well - I'm thrilled for you'.

Whether you can bring yourself to say something similar is different of course.

[Patsy33]

Sounds like she's craving your approval. Give it her and say well done! She Probably suffers low self esteem. She'll think a lot of that then will let it go.

[choux]

I think you were quite correct to give your opinion. How you couch your opinion depends on diplomacy or otherwise, but from what you have said it doesn't sound as though you replied with any malicious intent. It would appear that this person's definition of 'friendship' is different from mine. It can be interesting how one particular situation can 'out' a friend with whom you were close. Could be a bit of a crossroad in this particular case.

[Kajoo]

I think both of you are immature in this case.

I think you do feel something is not right, that is why you are here.

Like many before had said, you aren't supportive enough. You mention the reason she wanted to join the course is wrong, did you try to tell her that? Did she get defensive because of that? Now the reason is unknown, nor the way the whole conversation steered, I can't say much.

I don't know why you are not answering her calls. You feel the need to cooldown? Or you are angry? You need to think about this.

She on the other hand shouldn't be bragging to prove a point, it is immature. In any case she asked for your advise and she got one but she wasn't mature enough to handle it and she wants you to feel sorry for it.

She should respect that others have their own opinions and think about why would she need to prove herself so much?

Its not a clear case of who is right and who is wrong. But both of you need to take a step back if you want the friendship to last or even continue.

If you don't mind me saying, learn to put things behind and it's still rude not to congratulate someone when they did well.

[johnk]

If I know my answer to a question won't be what the questioner wants I often say "Do you really want me to answer that?" or you could have just said go for it and let her find out for herself.

[NoMercy]

I sense rivalry - equally from both sides.

It doesn't sound like your friendship is based on mutual affection and respect.

[murraymints]

Sounds needy...I couldn't be bothered with such... would be a dismissive "that's nice" from me

[david small]

Genuine post?....I doubt it......new poster. I recognise the style of writing, seen it on ab several times. Always new poster with different name. Why do this???

[Deskdiary]

Blokes NEVER have this sort of perceived problem, because we are always open and honest with our mates. If we think a mate is acting like a knob, we tell them they are acting like a knob, and then draw a line under it.

Frankly, it all sounds a bit petty.

[murraymints]

Agree David...usually an angst teenager...lol

[Ellaalb]

Thanks for the advises, people. I would like to rethink things between me and her. I won't go on as I feel my question have caused unhappiness to some, feeling its fake.

I don't know why people hate fake some much here when they put in efforts to type a long story but I'm sorry for making you feel this way. I'm probably not clear enough how this site works.

Anyway, I've learn from the genuine and helpful replies. Thank you.