im confused bout all these emotions

[sarah*]

Hey

im 18, and i need help or any advice of what i can do,i work with a 19 yr old lad who i have known for a year and a bit now, we get along really really good and we can talk to each other even though we do have our ups and downs

we both flirt at work but no its all a laugh

he had a gf when we first met so we both stayed good mates but there were times when i felt we were getting to close so we backed off a little. i really really like him and now he has split up from his gf he told me he was confused and didnt no what he wanted and that was the reason he broke up with her.

i can not go out with him even if i wanted to because first of my religion,culture and parents.

i have told him that but i have no idea of how he feels for me or my situation. i really like him but i cant do anything bout it, i think he knows i like him but i dont no whether to let him go so he can find another girl that will be allowed to go out with him coz he does have other girls after him, i would just have to get over him if he did but i hope we can be mates

what im saying is that i cant let my feelings for him ruin our friendship

does anyone no what i can do

ive tried to ignore him and forget about him but that only lasted a day coz i couldnt go through with it and he was all worried that he did something wrong and apologised 2 me, i felt really horrible and i no he deserves a lot better

please reply im so confused x x x

[Linzi84]

Can you not have a boyfriend at all? Or are you saying you cannot have sex before marriage? I am only asking because if this guy really likes you he would respect your religion and not 'try anything on' if this is the case of course, so I don't see the harm in you having a boyfriend.

[sarah*]

i cant have a bf at all thats the biggest problem and im asian and he is white so there is a major culture clash, i just feel like im not being fair on him

i really dont no what to think any more

[Linzi84]

So at what age are you allowed to start dating? My friend is Asian and he is going out with a white girl. If you are 18 I would have thought you were old enough to make your own choices

[sarah*]

my parents are very strict and im not allowed to go out with any white people

they believe very strongly bout there culture and religion

wat do you think i should do

[Linzi84]

Well I would say you are 18, an adult, and completely entitled to make your own decisions. It is what you want that matters, not what anyone else wants. If you like this guy a lot then I wouldn't let your parents stand in the way of your happiness.

[sarah*]

yes but im really scared

i mean wat if he doesnt feel how i feel bout him, i would b breaking my parents heart only to have mine broken by him and you have to realise that he can have any girls he want so wat would happen if i did go out with him and he wanted more eg sex and i cant give that to him

he is gonna go to some one else and believe me there are plenty of girls that like him

i reckon i should just get over it but it really hurts when im with him

[Linzi84]

Well if you go out with him and he forces the issue of you having sex, then he obviously isn't worth it. If he likes you he will respect your religion. You can tell him how you feel and find out how he feels without even having to tell your parents first. Then if he does like you, you then need to decide whether or not to act up on it.

[sarah*]

thanks linzi u really make it sound so easy

wat do i do if he doent like me like that

[arty7774]

In English law you are now an adult, and entitled to run your own life. Your parents cannot command that you can't go out with a white boy. This is purely a matter of culture, which is one of the reasons for much of the civel disturbance within our country. We should forge together and bond a new culture.

So If you like this boy enough to want to go out with him do so.

[sarah*]

i dont have no problem going out with white lads the only thing is i dont no if i have got enough guts to go out with lads that are white because im scared of my parents and i dont want to lose there trust

linzi this is not about culture at the min its about how i feel and at the min i dont even no

but thanks for your answers anyway linzi i really appreciate it

[Linzi84]

Here is exactly what I would do.. tell this guy how you feel and ask him how he feels about you, if he likes you then give it a go with him. If he says he only likes you as a friend then at least you know where you stand, and you won't regret it for not giving it a shot.

As for you saying you are scared of your parents, it is up to you to stand up to them and explain that you are an adult now and are entitled to make your own decisions.

[WendyS]

I sense that you are possibly rather young for your age, having been protected in your culture by your parents, as many 18 year olds today are quite confident about knowing what they want. If you don't have the self confidence to stand your ground and debate your adult rights with your parents, there's is probably no point in you trying to move this particular friendship forward. Your parents, being older, I suspect probably move mostly in an Asian environment and perhaps don't quite understand how the world has moved on since they were your age. . It will not be easy to persuade them you are old enough and have the legal right to make your own choices but if you don't want to be continually bothered by this issue you need to have the courage to address it. Are there any social groups groups for young people near you who have members of both cultures and with whom you can enjoy platonic friendships until you are confident enough to assert your own rights? Have you tried introducing any white friends to your parents so that they can get to know them better which might help break down some of their prejudices?

[sarah*]

all my friends are white and my parents dont have a problem with me having white friends its just that they want me to have a traditional marriage with an asian guy and they dont want me getting attached or too close to any white guys but i guess thats a bit too late

thanks 4 ur replies x

[copippin]

Sarah, do your parents know you work with him? and do they object to that?