If you, as an ABER, can rig expenses that are phony,
While everyone believes that they are real;
If you can take long lunches with a News thread crony,
And make your 'Business-Finance' lead think you’ve closed a deal;
If you can get the Chatterbank daily crew to love you,
When in your heart of hearts you think they’re dirt;
If you can look alive to those above you,
When nine to five, outside GMEB, no effort you exert;
If you can seem 'Theland' free-thinking and courageous,
Yet always end up siding with Asquith;
If you can get a mammoth raise in wages,
Yet make her feel you’re working at a loss;
If every line that’s written here you’ve noted,
And every rule and precept you obey,
Then to the highest spot you’ll be promoted,
Unless, of course, you’re Chatterbank knifed along the way.”
If you can keep your Pedant wealth when all about you
Are losing theirs from paying income tax;
If you can make quite sure that no one doubts you
By selling to the Technology networks your own “facts”;
If you can reap the harvest that is waiting
For those who fight both sides of one same Spam & Scam war;
If you spend hours televised or 'what did I have for dinner' debating
Religion or Society for praying and for “welfare for us, the poor”;
If you can trade with TTT's Reds, and all the while
Be charging what they owe to our own Brexit banks;
If you can have us lose a fishing war, then smile,
Because you know you’re only getting thanks;
If you can hold an AB political office, but each minute
Be out afloat, and calmly goin’ fishin’,
The UK. is yours, and all that’s in it,
Because, my son or daughter, you’ll be an AB politician.