Cabin Fever

[Thisoldbird]

Lockdown 2020 wasn't all bad as the weather was pretty good.

My husband did get quite immobile..at 88 not unexpected especially as his general health is pretty poor.
By Jan 2021 he is housebound lost 3 stone in weight and needs assistance with every move.
3 hospital admissions when Drs say there is nothing more they can do for him.. ..

In all time I too have become a cabbage stuck at home to be a full time carer..

I am desperate to get out of these 4 walls but I gave up my car end of last ywhen I knew i had become anxious on the road.

So many agency carers in and out to help care for my husband but little or no help to enable me a little freedom..it seems my life has ended but for pottering about at home.

I'm no spring chicken at 83 with chronic arthritis. It's hard being a full time carer at this age.

Anyone thing of some answer how I might tackle this problem.

I know I must be one of many..

[woofgang]

who do you get the agency carers from? they should also be able to arrange for a companion sitter for your husband. You are entitled to a carer's assessment of your needs, not just your husband.

[bednobs]

what about a care home?

[Patsy33]

Sorry to hear this.
Maybe you could start by ringing your gp. They should be able to point you in right direction to find some help. Also, age UK are very helpful. Hope you eventually find some support.

[calmck]

Try Age Concern. Do you have family? Do you have a neighbourhood help programme in your area

[Buenchico]

I've been doing a bit of googling but I'm not sure that anything I've found will directly help you. However I'll offer you some links anyway, on a 'just in case they help' basis:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-breaks-and-respite-care/

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/helping-a-loved-one/respite-care/

https://www.which.co.uk/later-life-care/carers-and-caring/respite-care/financing-respite-care-abpc97y57f2y

http://www.careforcarers.org.uk/support-info/national/caring-organisations

[Khandro]

Could you be interested in chess? If both your minds are still active, you could play against one another & or buy a computerised chess set (40 quid) to play against individually.

Sqad may be amused by this: The father of a friend reached into his 90s. Once a week his doctor came round for a game or two of chess, both of them being very keen players, his doctor said, "I've got to keep you going as long as I can John, because I enjoy our games so much & I don't have anyone else to play with."

Though finally & inevitably it was 'mate' :0(

[burlyshirley]

I hope some of chico's links can help you. No family nearby ? Do you have good neighbours who may pop in from time to time ?

[Sqad]

RIDICULOUS REMOVAL OF MY POST.....UTTERLY RIDICULOUS

[DTCwordfan]

why don't you approach some of your local mental support groups - (even if you aren't a full on patient) but explain the situation and they may be able to kick your GP and the local Council/SS into action as to more support for you. After all, it's far, far cheaper for them to have you both at home than in a care-home!

[david small]

Sqad to some people telling it like it is seems brutal.
Personally I like hard inevitable facts. Others, not so much. Your posts removal was unnecessary to my mind.

[burlyshirley]

This lady wants help. I'm glad it was removed.

[ummmm]

Could he walk with a zimmer frame?

I have one that has a seat with storage underneath. I've only used it once when I first came out of hospital but the NHS won't take it back. I should offer it for free really to someone who might need it.

If he can manage a few steps with it, he can sit down and rest and gradually build it up.

[douglas9401]

I'm in no way being flippant, for a change they chorused, but it's dawning on me that I'm very much in the youth wing of Answerbank and should probably count my blessings.

I'm afraid I have nothing further to add except I hope things work out for you both.

[237SJ]

I don't know where you live but I have heard a couple of adverts on local radio for support groups - mainly for mental health and anxiety caused by the covid situation. I`m not surprised you feel anxiety. Many people do and this is just the tip of the iceberg. I hope you can find some help - maybe have a Google and see what help is around in your area.

[woofgang]

I saw Sqad's post. it wasn't "telling it like it is" It wasn't helpful. It was nasty and dismissive

[ummmm]

Did he say 'no big deal'?

[Thisoldbird]

thank you all...I had seen your post Squad and wasn't offended by it..thank you for your input.

Thanks for the links I will sturdy them more at the weekend.

I've forgotten what each posted by name so will try and answer all.

My husband does have a walking frame thank you. His leg muscles are so wasted away where his calves were is a wrinkled hollow..he gets around our small apartment as in from bed to sitting room and bathroom. He has catheter so once in bed it's now become pretty quiet at night.
We had carers sent in via Social Services..I don't know where they recruit half the staff but a 30 min to get him up washed and dressed was rushed into 15 mins. Flustering the poor man..some not even removing their jackets..same at bedtime..I stopped the night carers as they wanted to get him to bed before 8 pm. His poor body is so rigid once settled he cannot reposition himself all night..it meant he was wanting to be up before 6am..
We were assessed financially and found we would need to pay a substantial amount towards mostly inferior carers..its a very unfair system I discovered.
So I found 2 private carers for an AM visit who are both excellent. Really put in the work to care.

I'm still here on NY own the other 23.5 hours to deal with his personal needs many times a day, feeding getting him to bed at night..and looking after myself.
No good asking GP for help his answer is it's all part of the aging process..nothing can be done or passing it over to district nurses. They will phone to ask how the patient is but no help for me. Covid sent all these people into working from home behind a laptop and telephone.

Playing chess.. not either of our scene I'm afraid. My husband was a very busy man always making things in his little shed, would go off for walks, help me in the home.

I have considered a bit of respite care for couple of weeks but I'm not sure I could live with my conscience if I suggested he went into care.. over 60 yrs married, for better for worse..I'm just so very tired and exhausted.

Thank you all it's very helpful. I shall see what i can do after reading the links..

God bless

[Sqad]

Thank you for your reply.
Mrs sqad empathise with all you have said and particularly the feeling guilty. One has to have personal experience before one can really understand the situation.
I stand by every word of my removed post.

[calmck]

Could you arrange a once in a while overnight Carer so you can get a good night sleep and a late morning to mid afternoon one so you could get out for lunch and hairdresser. How do you shop? Where do you live?