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Denied A Share In A Mortgage, But Not Sure If I Have Any Rights? I Need Help Understanding This.
Buying a house together- although I'm not part of it.
If you see my previous posts I have a troubled past. I'm a single mum of 45 and full time nurse.
My mum and dad split when I was 20- not straightforward, mum asked for a little space (we now know she was going through a premature menopause, and admittedly she did temporarily 'change'- it was short lived, and when put on HRT she was my mum again), and by then a woman 10 yrs younger flattered my dad, sold our family home and moved 200 miles away. My mum was left in a little council flat and my dad took everything (my dad then remarried to this woman) who took an instant dislike to me and never let me be around my dad on my own.
My husband left me 4 weeks after my daughter was born (14yrs ago), and left me with nothing, then my best friend , who I had rented a home from for 5 years told me she was selling my home and to move out in 8 weeks (I'd never been in arrears , in fact the perfect tenant), and subsequently my daughter and I were homeless. My dad's wife refused to help me out (my dad was weak) and my daughter and I lived in a hostel before being placed in housing association accommodation months after. It was a degrading experience.
I had nothing, and I still don't, but had to borrow money from the bank 6 years ago to furnish my empty home (it came with nothing). I've worked so damn hard to get myself out of £10,000 of debt, I've worked myself to the bone to do this. My dad didn't help.
Then just before the pandemic, he died suddenly. I was by his side. His wife took full control, and just before Christmas 2021 my brothers and I found out that she had sold their home (my dad's wife had nothing when he met her) so their home was paid for with our family home's sale, and never told us of the sale, nor what she had done with my dad's belongings.
My dad's wife has denied my brothers and I anything of our dad's. I asked for a shirt- but nothing, and now I do not know where she is (no forwarding address)or if the mirror will he made with her is likely to be transferred in to her children/grandchildren's name.
I have struggled on many levels, but my daughter has been denied the right to know a grandfather, or to inherit a little of what was our family's money (dad's estate was worth >£800,000).
Fast forward in that I met a man, who wants a future with me, and I thought I'd done so well digging myself out of a financial and emotional hole. I paid all bills on time, and worked so hard not to fall in to my overdraft during these last 5 years.
He has equity of £350k I have nothing, and we were going to get a joint mortgage of £100k on top between us, to get a bigger property. However a soft credit search said no to me, so it's all on him. I can't tell you how embarrassed and low I've felt since I heard the news last night.
I can't help but feel no matter what I do, I'm never going to feel 'worth it'. I'm a nurse, worked through the pandemic, am a full time mum to an autistic daughter and I just feel so worthless and embarrassed. I don't understand why a bank wouldn't lend me anything?
I'm frightened of history repeating itself. My mum was left with nothing, and if my partner foots the surplus £100k on top for a mortgage just under his name, what rights do I have?
I'm no expert in law at all, in fact I've never owned a property. Like many, I have nothing, and I'm frightened that if something were to happen in my relationship, I'd lose everything, because nothing would be mine, and I'd have given up a roof over mine and my daughter's head, only to end up back in some hostel or such like.
At 45 yrs of age, a nurse, a mum, and a daughter to father who had everything (financially), I've been left with nothing. My dignity included.
Does anybody have any idea of what I should be asking of my partner, to insure I'm never on the streets again? I'm embarrassed to ask, because nothing is mine anyway. It seems damn right cheeky to ask.
Any advice would be gratefully received.
If you see my previous posts I have a troubled past. I'm a single mum of 45 and full time nurse.
My mum and dad split when I was 20- not straightforward, mum asked for a little space (we now know she was going through a premature menopause, and admittedly she did temporarily 'change'- it was short lived, and when put on HRT she was my mum again), and by then a woman 10 yrs younger flattered my dad, sold our family home and moved 200 miles away. My mum was left in a little council flat and my dad took everything (my dad then remarried to this woman) who took an instant dislike to me and never let me be around my dad on my own.
My husband left me 4 weeks after my daughter was born (14yrs ago), and left me with nothing, then my best friend , who I had rented a home from for 5 years told me she was selling my home and to move out in 8 weeks (I'd never been in arrears , in fact the perfect tenant), and subsequently my daughter and I were homeless. My dad's wife refused to help me out (my dad was weak) and my daughter and I lived in a hostel before being placed in housing association accommodation months after. It was a degrading experience.
I had nothing, and I still don't, but had to borrow money from the bank 6 years ago to furnish my empty home (it came with nothing). I've worked so damn hard to get myself out of £10,000 of debt, I've worked myself to the bone to do this. My dad didn't help.
Then just before the pandemic, he died suddenly. I was by his side. His wife took full control, and just before Christmas 2021 my brothers and I found out that she had sold their home (my dad's wife had nothing when he met her) so their home was paid for with our family home's sale, and never told us of the sale, nor what she had done with my dad's belongings.
My dad's wife has denied my brothers and I anything of our dad's. I asked for a shirt- but nothing, and now I do not know where she is (no forwarding address)or if the mirror will he made with her is likely to be transferred in to her children/grandchildren's name.
I have struggled on many levels, but my daughter has been denied the right to know a grandfather, or to inherit a little of what was our family's money (dad's estate was worth >£800,000).
Fast forward in that I met a man, who wants a future with me, and I thought I'd done so well digging myself out of a financial and emotional hole. I paid all bills on time, and worked so hard not to fall in to my overdraft during these last 5 years.
He has equity of £350k I have nothing, and we were going to get a joint mortgage of £100k on top between us, to get a bigger property. However a soft credit search said no to me, so it's all on him. I can't tell you how embarrassed and low I've felt since I heard the news last night.
I can't help but feel no matter what I do, I'm never going to feel 'worth it'. I'm a nurse, worked through the pandemic, am a full time mum to an autistic daughter and I just feel so worthless and embarrassed. I don't understand why a bank wouldn't lend me anything?
I'm frightened of history repeating itself. My mum was left with nothing, and if my partner foots the surplus £100k on top for a mortgage just under his name, what rights do I have?
I'm no expert in law at all, in fact I've never owned a property. Like many, I have nothing, and I'm frightened that if something were to happen in my relationship, I'd lose everything, because nothing would be mine, and I'd have given up a roof over mine and my daughter's head, only to end up back in some hostel or such like.
At 45 yrs of age, a nurse, a mum, and a daughter to father who had everything (financially), I've been left with nothing. My dignity included.
Does anybody have any idea of what I should be asking of my partner, to insure I'm never on the streets again? I'm embarrassed to ask, because nothing is mine anyway. It seems damn right cheeky to ask.
Any advice would be gratefully received.
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you have posted in law, and a lot of your story isnt really anything to do with your legal position. I'm not sure that your partner has any obligation to make sure you are not homeless if you split (why should he?).
I presume you are renting now, and you could go back to the same situation of renting should the worst happen?
I presume you are renting now, and you could go back to the same situation of renting should the worst happen?
Oh sorry. I don't know what heading it would come under then. I do apologise.
No, I couldn't automatically go back into renting as it costs a fortune to put down a deposit, let alone pay private rent. Hence, stay in my housing association accommodation, and leave the relationship.
I guess why I asked about law was, is there anything I can put in writing to say if the relationship breaks down, am I allowed enough to help me put a deposit down on a private rent (if I can get one in my area).
I'm not sure how law works, but neither am I greedy, more frightened of history repeating itself. That's all.
No, I couldn't automatically go back into renting as it costs a fortune to put down a deposit, let alone pay private rent. Hence, stay in my housing association accommodation, and leave the relationship.
I guess why I asked about law was, is there anything I can put in writing to say if the relationship breaks down, am I allowed enough to help me put a deposit down on a private rent (if I can get one in my area).
I'm not sure how law works, but neither am I greedy, more frightened of history repeating itself. That's all.
So this new man in your life has £350k equity in a property, and you want between you to add a £100k mortgage to this.
Let’s assume some time in the future that the mortgage is paid off (between you), what would your investment in the property be?
The answer to that question is £50k (half the £100k mortgage), so he would have contributed £400k and you £50k. Therefore all things being equal you would own 1/9th of the property.
If I were that new man in your life – I would certainly be willing to put in writing that 1/9th of the property’s value belonged to you (once the 100k mortgage was paid off); and a pro-rata share as the mortgage was being paid off.
Let’s assume some time in the future that the mortgage is paid off (between you), what would your investment in the property be?
The answer to that question is £50k (half the £100k mortgage), so he would have contributed £400k and you £50k. Therefore all things being equal you would own 1/9th of the property.
If I were that new man in your life – I would certainly be willing to put in writing that 1/9th of the property’s value belonged to you (once the 100k mortgage was paid off); and a pro-rata share as the mortgage was being paid off.
In reality you need to have an honest/frank discussion with your new man about your future with him and your financial situation (and your past).
Ignoring the £100k mortgage thing, if you and your daughter were to move in with him, I would not expect you to pay ‘rent’, unless there was a significant mortgage outstanding (and then you would earn a share as that was paid off).
But if it is agreed that you will pay no rent and only share living expenses – you could then put the money you would have paid in rent in a savings account, and if things go south you would have sufficient funds to move out and rent once more.
Ignoring the £100k mortgage thing, if you and your daughter were to move in with him, I would not expect you to pay ‘rent’, unless there was a significant mortgage outstanding (and then you would earn a share as that was paid off).
But if it is agreed that you will pay no rent and only share living expenses – you could then put the money you would have paid in rent in a savings account, and if things go south you would have sufficient funds to move out and rent once more.
No I understand, you're right, my mum being screwed over 25 yrs ago doesn't have any relevance, so I apologise. I guess I was, in a bad way, trying to emphasise how I'm so scared of finding myself in the same position as my mum, hence my very real fear of history repeating itself.
I don't see my relationship going south, but I've been burnt before, which is why I need to know what rights I have, if any, because whilst things could be rosy now, in 20 yrs will it be the same? My mum thought so, and it wasn't meant to be. So I see a pensioner, who brought up 3 children in a small flat, struggling to make ends meet, because she DIDN'T think of the 'what ifs',I WANT to think of the 'what ifs'.
I don't have a huge amount of confidence, neither am I assertive, so I don't want to sound cheeky by asking or assuming I'd be entitled to anything.
I'd be paying towards the mortgage(although it wouldn't be in my name) , but legally that wouldnt be worth anything if the relationship ended, or if something were to happen to me, and my daughter was left, possibly without a home.
I guess I need to know the questions to ask, or legally what I should ask to be written up. I never thought I'd be in a position to move, so i always thought I'd be renting a housing association home.
It sticks in my throat how my dad's wife ran away with everything - but I'll ask that question in another thread, as I don't believe this is the right place to ask that question.
I just wanted to say thank you for all those who have taken the time to help me by answering my question. Xx
I don't see my relationship going south, but I've been burnt before, which is why I need to know what rights I have, if any, because whilst things could be rosy now, in 20 yrs will it be the same? My mum thought so, and it wasn't meant to be. So I see a pensioner, who brought up 3 children in a small flat, struggling to make ends meet, because she DIDN'T think of the 'what ifs',I WANT to think of the 'what ifs'.
I don't have a huge amount of confidence, neither am I assertive, so I don't want to sound cheeky by asking or assuming I'd be entitled to anything.
I'd be paying towards the mortgage(although it wouldn't be in my name) , but legally that wouldnt be worth anything if the relationship ended, or if something were to happen to me, and my daughter was left, possibly without a home.
I guess I need to know the questions to ask, or legally what I should ask to be written up. I never thought I'd be in a position to move, so i always thought I'd be renting a housing association home.
It sticks in my throat how my dad's wife ran away with everything - but I'll ask that question in another thread, as I don't believe this is the right place to ask that question.
I just wanted to say thank you for all those who have taken the time to help me by answering my question. Xx
It's understandable you want to give background to your fears. I agree with the responses above that you really need to have an honest conversation with your current partner about your concerns and see if you can agree to put something in writing do that you won't be left wanting if things should go wrong between you in future.
Or if you are in a position in future, to be able to put savings aside.
Or if you are in a position in future, to be able to put savings aside.
redhelen, I'm not disagreeing with his choice re leaving things to his wife, what I am finding hard is that she wouldn't think to offer my brothers and I something to hold on to that was his. Such as a gift I bought him. Or war medals which meant nothing to her. Instead she's just disappeared.
Even the most fragmented of families tend to offer children of the deceased, something to remember their loved one by, or tell them where a gravestone is, especially if it's a parent that's passed.
If I had money, and married my partner, I would still want my daughter to have a little something when I passed, and I'm pretty sure my partner would offer something of mine to my daughter too. Equally if my partner died, I would offer his daughter the choice to come and choose something of her dad's, and I would make sure she was financially ok.
Maybe that's just me? I'm sure it's not. I think she's the in the minority . I could name a few things that she is, but I won't. I'm sure you can guess though x
Even the most fragmented of families tend to offer children of the deceased, something to remember their loved one by, or tell them where a gravestone is, especially if it's a parent that's passed.
If I had money, and married my partner, I would still want my daughter to have a little something when I passed, and I'm pretty sure my partner would offer something of mine to my daughter too. Equally if my partner died, I would offer his daughter the choice to come and choose something of her dad's, and I would make sure she was financially ok.
Maybe that's just me? I'm sure it's not. I think she's the in the minority . I could name a few things that she is, but I won't. I'm sure you can guess though x
you mightn't like this Anne - but for me whether I met a partner (a bit late in the day for me) but I sure would have rather be where you are at the moment and have my own money and not rely on others, not in a million years.
As for your little daughter - would she be entitled to some benefit DLA or such - that could may be help your dire situation. But good luck whatever you do. I'd rather be independent of your current partner.
As for your little daughter - would she be entitled to some benefit DLA or such - that could may be help your dire situation. But good luck whatever you do. I'd rather be independent of your current partner.
Thanks maydup! That would be either a disaster or the best birthday ever- Feb 14th is my birthday! He knows I would like to get married, but always says (being the logical man he is) "we need to get a home, then the rest will follow". So I'm a bit trapped. It's almost as if he's saying, as soon as we're in our home, you'll not really have much of a choice whether I don't want to get married OR he could be telling the truth. He wants a solid base before a ring goes on the finger. I can't win really.
Have you discussed your worries with him? They are valid and if you don't feel that you can talk to your partner and come to some sort of satisfactory and binding agreement then you really should not be thinking of giving up your home to live with him.
If he owns his current house outright he could put your name on the Title as a tenant in common with a specified share of, for example, 10%.
When he buys the next house your name could also be on the Title with a similar ownership share. (It would be far easier to do it this way than only on the new property).
That way if you do split up without being married he would have to buy your share of the property, giving you the means to rent a suitable property.
If you did marry the Title could be altered if that is what you would both want.
If he owns his current house outright he could put your name on the Title as a tenant in common with a specified share of, for example, 10%.
When he buys the next house your name could also be on the Title with a similar ownership share. (It would be far easier to do it this way than only on the new property).
That way if you do split up without being married he would have to buy your share of the property, giving you the means to rent a suitable property.
If you did marry the Title could be altered if that is what you would both want.
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