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Hi all, Am I being unresonable? my boyfriend has kids from his marriage. I too have kids. (his live with his ex wife, who he doesnt get on with) He wants to spend christmas with me and my kids. So he is included with us. But he is having one of his kids (he has 3) 2 of them wont see him, down for his own private christmas and us not included. From tomorow until late Christmas eve.
He wants to spend christmas and boxing day with us, then again go off and spend 3 days next week, just him and his son again. Am I being a bah humbug on this one?
No best answer has yet been selected by Minxie. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.depends a bit on how new a gf you are with repect, and how long your bf has been separated from his wife. How old is the child he is going offf with and do you and the child get on, also your kids? IMO in any break up the children are the most important people, maybe its what the lad needs.
Christmas is an emotive and difficult time. It sounds to me as though you haven't really discussed this or you are not satisfied with his reasons so....not bah humbug but maybe a little hurt and needy yourself?
I know you probably feel hurt about this, but if his son doesn't see his dad often, it's not unreasonable for them to want some private space together. It sounds as if he already has a difficult situation to cope with if two of them won't see him. so he needs to nurture what little relationship he does still retain.
Perhaps he hasn't explained his reasons and emotions clearly to you on this issue which might have helped you feel less used. Are you a single mum, or is there a father in the background in your family who is also trying to juggle relationships with his children?
Perhaps you should try and live with it on this occasion but if you're still together by Easter, maybe this is the time to try and play things a little differently and bring him and his son into your home for the celebrations.
Hi Minxie
As a parent and step-parent it can be a difficult time. although after four years together things should be improving on the family front. I take it you don't live together? Unfortunately this is one these 'arguements' that need to be had! If he is truly committed to you and your children he will make the effort to impress on his own kids how important his life and relationship is with you. Both sets of children can only benefit from a loving, solid environment. As always, we are all afraid of being hurt and let down, in many cases not for the first time. Merry christmas and good luck for next year.
I might add that maybe your boyfriend gives his son some extra attention and gifts for the season, and he doesn't want you or your children to see it or feel offended by it.
It also may be a tradition that bf isn't willing to give up. It doesn't really make merging of two families very easy though, and isn't that the final goal of being together? I think it should be. If he spends other times with him alone, Christmas is meant for family, I think.
How would he feel if you did the same? What if you decided not to let him be included in Christmas? Not that you should do it, but it would be an point to make so he could see it your way...