hey can you help im very low

[steve208]

hey there people....can anyone help?

i have been really low lately been depressed for a while but has got wrose recentley. After graduating last year i have had a few good times with doing some intern work in the field i want to get into (politics) but i have not got a full time position and am still stuck working at a shop full time. Have been there off and on since my A-levels and need to leave but cant do it. This week has been bad cos had phone calls which i missed from friends from uni asking if i was going to at my uni this weekend i had to work so could not go. im no good at talking on the phone so text one friend back and got no reply text another and missed another call as was asleep cos so tired from work.

im missing out so much and am stuck at home and in boring job with my brain not being used i dont have a life at the mo what can i do?

[lainiej]

Hi Steve. Your'e in a catch 22 situation where you can't probably afford to leave your dead end job but are becoming more and more down as a result.

You dont say how old you are but I assume you're in your early 20s. Do you live at home with your family ?

I think you need to make time for your friends who obviously care a lot about you and no doubt miss you a lot. Its very easy to become reclusive (I know cos I've done it - making excuses for not going out etc). Lots of people your age work full time and still have a social life. If your'e so tired it might be an idea to get your GP to check you over. If its true depression you can get help.

I hope this has helped Steve. I have a 22yr old nephew so I think I can relate to how youre feeling.

Try and think positive - your perfect job wont fall into your lap.

Take care and good luck Elaine x

[steve208]

thanks for your advice....yes i am 23. Well i have been depressed for a few years since the begining of uni really but root of it goes deeper than that. been on anti-depressants since 2002 and came off bout a month ago. had lots of counselling at uni and did start to help but then uni finished and i still need to pour out my emotions to someone now and then but cant at the mo tho have an appointment to see a counsellor at my docs in a coiple of weeks.

But i am not sure if i need this i go through times when i am positive and think i can do this myself but then time when am really v low.

I am not so sure about my "friends" i am not good at keeping in contact with them and dont feel that they are proper friends aftewr many things at uni but im not v good at trusting people after a lot of bullying when i was at school so have no friends at home as a result.

need to get out and join clubs etc that interest me locally but cant get the will to do it and am afraid that people see through me and see an uninteresting person with no social skills and no friends.

Maybe i could quit my job as tis retail and any politics job i want needs office experience but i get scared of going into agencies and work like that may only be temporary. also tis meeting new people and am so scared of that at the mo.

i want to get out and exercise as this can be good for moderate depression (tho sometimes i think tis serious as i think about how pointless my life is.) But i just cant get started on exercise as am too tired or too low.

thank for your help

[WendyS]

Sorry you're feeling down Steve and I can understand that you're missing the social life you had with friends at university. However, perhaps it will help a little to realise that this was probably a slightly unreal environment for a period of time, and now you're all dispersed into the reality of earning a living, things will inevitably be a little different for you all.

However, don't be downhearted. If your eventual aim is to go into politics, why not use some of your spare time to do some voluntary work. Your initial reaction will probably be "Yuk - no way!" But if you think about it, you will be doing something you perhaps haven't done before which will give you great insights as to the world as it really is, if you eventually make it on to the political scene. The public are always accusing politicians of being out of touch with reality, and if you could become a hospital visitor, make a weekly visit to an old people's home, work with the disabled, etc. you may kick-start a new sense of purpose in your own life until the right job comes along. (Or train to be a Samaritan - they are always short of volunteers). Your local library or Citizens Advice Bureau will probably have a list of voluntary organisations who need helpers. And have you joined your local political party? There may be a social life in the bud for you there too.

[steve208]

thanks wendy ...i realise life after uni is different and i am always doing voluntary work just not at the mo. it would not be so bad if i had a 9-5 office job cos then at least i would have weekends to see friends who are dotted around the country. I will try and get back into voluntary work with the same cancer charity i was with last year for a while.

[goindoolally]

I think you have to make the leap and quit that job as this will spur you on to go do the office experience you need, otherwise it sounds like you might be caught in this spiral of sadness forever. I recently left a job as it was really getting me down, hated getting up knowing I had to go there, when I was there was miserable as hell. I finally decided enough is enough and quit. I didn't have another job to go to but did find another soon enough and I actually like this one. Very best of luck to you. x

[lainiej]

We're a right pair us arent we Steve ?!

Thanks for your post on my question. Never forget that youre not alone - life is never as desperate as we sometimes think - and we are always here for you to talk to. Wendy and goindoolally's advice is spot on.

Make that leap of faith, Steve. Retail will get you nowhere - except more retail. I was doing a professional job I hated and didnt suit my personality (police) for 20 yrs when I decided enough was enough and was lucky to get out on a medical pension.

[steve208]

indeed we are a right pair...sorry i tend to blab on a bit tho. am going to think about quiting job but may just try to apply for lots of jobs in next month or so and if dont get anything then will hand notice in around july. i have to give a months notice so would finish around 10th august. dont want to quit before 10th july (we get paid on the 10th) as am due a bonus that may be up to �500 which i wont get if i leave before 10th july as its going to be paid to us on the 10th.

i will go to the agencies in town tommorow and look at what kind of work they have and if i am feeling brave i may go in! anyway the current situation is not too bad at the mo as i kinda work about 30 hours a week so i have time to learn to drive...and have just booked my test which is in six weeks.

Can i ask for further advice..?! yes im cheekey i know (oh btw will you go to the docs about your throat prob?)

Well july 22nd is the wedding of my second cousin...i want to use this as a target to aim for in many ways can you give any pointers as to how to do this as i dont seem to be able to get going on anything. By this date i just want to be a little better at some things like more talkative (if i do more will have more to talk about). But also if i am able to exercise then will get more positive from the endorphines and confidence will follow. Also want to try to look better get fit etc and eat well to try to get better complextion.

maybe i want to much sometimes and at other times dont want life tis v confusing and sorry to go on but have to let things out.

[GlitteryPink]

Hi Steve,

I am also 23 and graduated last year. The first thing i did was join loads of temping agencies which got me loads of different positions, some for just one day, others for a couple of months. This is ideal cos you don't have to make a secret about the fact you are still job hunting, you can have days off easily for interviews or just to spend a whole day applying for different jobs, or just if you fancy a day off! This really was the best way for me to earn money while not staying trapped in a job I hated (I also was in retail all through uni) Don't be afraid of temoing, people who work in agencies are out to help you - they get paid from placing you so will find you somewhere! Every single place I went to was fine, the work is always easy and if you don't like it you don't have to go back the next day. Through doing this I got my first proper office job which I have been in for about 4 months now. It isn't really working out for me tho so I think I'm going to go back to temping soon cos it gives you so much more freedom and experiences whilst still getting paid. Good luck - do it!!

[lainiej]

Steve... I think maybe Glitterypink is more qualified to advise you than I am, although it actually sounds as tho you have picked up just by chatting with us. The main thing I would advise you is to take each day at a time. (Old cliche!)

I am dieting and on the days when I slip off the wagon - esp if I've had a good drink as well - I count down the seconds to the end of the day and know that thats the end of that day and a new one has begun. Believe in yourself and try not to think that everyone is watching you and waiting for you to make a mistake - they're not cos they're all too busy being concerned about themselves.No one is better than you are, Steve.

Have fun, have a social life, enjoy your 20s cos all of a sudden you'll be old like the rest of us !!

Looking forward to reading your updates, hunny.

PS Yes will go to the docs take care Elaine x

[seekeerz]

Hi steve - it makes me feel sad to read posts like yours - people in their teens & twenties shouldn't be so unhappy with life,but in so many situations you find yourself in what seems to be a circle with no way out.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself - I know this isn't easy but no-one is 'not interesting' - you may be quiet and perhaps shy around new people but many others prefer to talk to someone - not be talked at by someone 'big noting' themselves & many do it cos they're terrified underneath that someone will find out what fakes they really are.
Others have given you good advice about your job etc but you say you are tired and can't exercise - do you live in a town - could you find time just to go for a short walk perhaps once or twice a week - are there people around you could simply say 'hello' to - I know this sounds simplistic but sometimes its just the smallest step that helps get you started.

And then theres always us-please talk to the ABers - they give good advice and we do care, so chin up and hang in there

:) :) :)