Am I being unreasonable?

[warpig1]

Ok story is that I am getting engaged shortly and my partner lives in Scotland so I will be selling my flat and moving over to be with him. He has a small house in scotland which I love and I look on it as ours although I realise that it is not mine but it will be the first place we have shared together. Anyway ,his sister is over this week and she can be quite a pushy, forcefull, donineering person and knowing what she is like I specifically requested that she should not be allowed to make any adjustments to the house ie painting and decorating. He texted me last night to say that they had been in B&Q to buy paint as she wanted to paint a room. My nose is severely put out of joint as I consider this as OUR house even though I reaise that it is his house.

Just for information, she does not know that we will be getting engaged soon, therefore doesn't know that she is stepping on my toes, and her taste in decor is impeccable, so surely I should be grateful? I know it is not her fault but I did tell him that I didn't want this scenario to happen. What should I do.. Am miffed on the one hand but feel guilty for being ungrateful...

Help please.

Thabnks
warpig1

[4getmenot]

Does his sister live there aswell. From what I can work she doesnt and she's just visiting, so why the hell is she decorating, whats it got to do with her. I Don�t think you�re being unreasonable at all. If he has asked her to help then fair enough, but to do it how she wants it a big no no and I would still be damm right peed off if he has asked her to help and not the woman whos moving in with him.

[warpig1]

Thats my point, she just tends to muscle in and does not think of other people. Fair enough she does not know that we will be getting engaged and maybe she thinks she is doing him a favour but the room does not need repainted it is newly decorated, and also she is just visiting. He had another house over here in belfast years ago and he went out one arternoon and she painted the hall yellow with that kind of rag effect, without his permission and also it looked sh1t. This is the very reason I asked that she not be allowed to interfer. Seems like I lost!

[Pippa68]

I agree. I can see that she is being helpful, and that he may need a females perspective on decoration ~ but that should be you.

I would be peed off as well! obviously your boyfriend has gone against your wishes which needs to be addressed, after all if you are moving up to be with him it is looked at as a long term arrangement and he needs to realise any decisions you make need to be jointly agreed upon. I can understand you may not want to rock the boat with his sister so....

Personally, I would let her do the room then after you move in paint it how you like ~ that is a subtle way of making your presence felt without causing too much of a stink ;o)

[spk]

Hi warpig,

Is she just trying to make it nice for you? I personally would be grateful it saves you doing it. Its only his sister not really somebody to be jealous of in my opinion x

[redcrx]

Id be annoyed too, with him. Surely he can stand up to his sister and if he didnt want it painting he shouldve stopped her?
I still cant understand why she wants to paint his house for him?

[warpig1]

spk, take your point she means no harm as she does not know, think my point is with him as was quite clear to him when I heard she was coming over. And yes Pippa did think of repainting the room when the time was right, I just am peed of for being put in this situation after I was quite clear, maybe its just him or maybe thats men, apologies to all men reading!

[warpig1]

Sorry redcrx should have clarified, it is just the type of person she is, if she came to your house she would do the same whether you wanted her to or not. Kinda of like a whirlwind through your house and life. I tend to avoid her if I can help it but she is his sister so there is no getting away from that. Also she is the only daughter among 5 brothers not sure if that is of any relevance but she has always ruled the roost over the boys.

[4getmenot]

She may be being helpful but a home should be your home and although she is only trying to help, I couldn�t be grateful if she rag rolled my home. Yuk :-) No wonder you�re getting nervous about her doing it this time round. I wopuld sit her down and just say look I know you�re only trying to help but I would like to make this a home for me and my future husband not a changing rooms project :-)

[4getmenot]

No way you�d get me and redcrx decorating our brothers house, he�d probably let us aswell, but god knows what we�d find :-)

[redcrx]

4gets right, in fact i wouldnt ever consider decorating hers either.
Just cos she is the only girl amongst 5 doesnt mean she has to decorate their homes? Its not even something a mother would do so its hardly that shes looking after them by doing it.
If your bf really didnt want her inteferring then im sure he'd have been able to say something. He obviously likes her to decorate his house.

[Carakeel]

Awww warpig, that isn't nice. Interfering relatives can be a right pain, especially if your fiance doesn't stand up to them on your behalf. I do think however, rather than alienating his sister, you should let this one go and if you don't like what she has done, change it when you get there. A quiet word with your fiance would be a good thing too. Once you have moved in, he needs to tell his sister in a nice way that her decorating skills were appreciated, but are no longer required! He needs to tell her that you two want to put your own mark on your first home together.
Personally, if I were engaged, I would not look upon my fiance's house as mine. He is the one who has paid the mortgage or paid for the property since it was bought and so it is in reality HIS house and I personally would not feel comfortable viewing it as mine. Perhaps after living in it together for quite a while ... but certainly not at this stage. But that's just me ... This has nothing to do with the decorating and his sister though. You are perfectly right not to be very happy about him not standing up to his sister after you had expressly asked him to. Make your point, but don't be too hard on him. I hope your move goes well and wish you both many years of good health, happiness and fun together. :o)

[warpig1]

4getmenot, will you and redcrx talk to her as she scares the cr@p outta me;-o)


cheers girls.

[dot.hawkes]

if she has bought the paint but not opened it to use it, tell your BF to hang on to the recipet and if u don't like it you can take it back to B&Q and swap it, tell him you will do the painting if needed and ask him to stop his sis from doing it til you get there.

[redcrx]

4getmenot will! Shes good a sorting people out! I just stand at the back and offer her encouragement. Go get em 4get!!!

[spk]

I do understand your point though warpig sounds like he could do with standing up to his sister alot more.

[4getmenot]

Yer I'll tell her, I'm very outspoken :-) where does she live?

[laurence2]

Totally agree with Pippa, once you move in, i would change the colour just out of spite, besides when we all move into a house, we 'ALL' like to put our ''own stamp on it''

She might think that shes helping? but i must say, your bf should of stood up to her, and told her, you have your own ideas about colours etc

Ps, paint it Dark purple, and get a crystal ball out, and invite her round for a reading

[warpig1]

Thank you all, am in a real quandry about that I appreciate your comments , don't want to be a b!tch but am confused.

[lindapinda]

Hi Warpig! So you're leaving us then!! Congrats on the upcoming engagement! It sounds as if your b/f is so used to his sister just taking over,that he maybe can't see her behaviour as being as intrusive as it certainly is. Don't get too annoyed at him,cos its not worthwhile you having a row over her,at this stage.Once you're in residence,and she knows that you're getting engaged,hopefully she'll back off! Good luck!

[warpig1]

lindapinda, not leaving you ever still here maybe just in Scotland!