Husband just left me!!

[CJ242]

He got laid off today, had a few drinks and decided I had been selfish, unsupportive and generally a bad wife. This is despite the fact that he hasn't made it home before 9.30 for the last month, his dinner has always been waiting for him and his shirts always washed.
I tried to get him to talk about it but was treated to an onslaught of personal (and very hurtful) comments I'm holding on to the angry feeling so I don't cry.

You don't need to reply, I just needed to tell someone!

[Everhelpful]

Sounds like your better off without him. Plenty more fish in the sea.

[sara3]

give him a chance to calm down, CJ. he's had a big upset but he shouldn't take it out on you like that.

if it helps you stay angry, he is an arse!

[tiggerblue10]

Sorry to hear that CJ. Sounds like he needs to calm down and think about what he has done to you recently. Thousands of people are being made redundant at the time and it must be causing a lot of problems in may homes up and down the country.

I do feel for you xxx

[CJ242]

Problem is, after 8 years I do really love him. He was a completely different person tonight. Vicious and nasty!!!

[Schutzengel]

I know what I would have done with his dinner if he chose to roll home at 9.30 every night. Sounds as if you were getting the brunt of his guilty conscience and his feeling sorry for himself. Cheer up love - you deserve much better than that.

[Lore]

Maybe he's feeling like he's failed you by losing his job.
Give it a bit of time, as sara says, stay angry - but at his behaviour, not directly at him.
It's awful to hear what you're going through but just give him a couple of days.
Make sure you have some friends/family to talk to until he comes to his senses and grovels for a year and a half!!!

[bensmum]

So sorry to hear that CJ. As others have said he's perhaps lashing out because of the problems he has been having. It's no excuse but often people lash out at those they' re closest to simply because they can. Give him time to settle down and see the error of his ways. Hope it works out for you
xxx

[CJ242]

Thank you so much everyone!!!

You're right, I am mad at his behaviour, not at him because he isn't usually like this. I completely understand why he is stressed but it was when I tried to get him to open up and talk to me about it that he turned into an a******e

[sara3]

men are generally crap at talking, especially about their feelings, and even more when his ego is dented.

you don't have to take that nonsense though, but let him get it out of his system. I foresee tears and apologies, then only you can decide how best to punish him ;o)

[CJ242]

Your answers prove that there are genuine people on this site! You have no idea how comforting your replys have been. Thank you again.

[MWB]

Say things to him like, "I could do with a hug, how about you?"

Or, "You must be feeling awful, want to tell me about it?"

[CJ242]

MWB Tried that! His response was, 'why is it all about you, you selfish b***h!!

[jack daniels]

Agree with everything thats already been said, unfortunately we always end up hurting those we love the most - give him a chance to apologize & come to his senses.
Not fair that he did take it out on you though

[MWB]

Ok. Well, time will out, CJ.

Like the others said, give him some time to vent. But every now & then, give him a smile.

[Sasha13]

I guarantee that he's just reacting from the news that he's had today.

The last thing you should do, in my opinion, is be clingy.

Give him lots of space. Go out and see your friends.

He'll come running back, I guarantee it. Then it's up to you if you let him back in.

[MWB]

Yeah. He's like a ship in a ferocious storm with no idea how to sail.
So he's running about, screaming like a child, lashing out, etc.
He really does want help, but feels so rejected & surplus to requirements right now.
But don't change your "supposed selfish" behaviour. Just keep doing what you do, give him space, but be there for him.
Time will tell.

[CJ242]

Advice is good MWB. But how do I smile at him when he isn't here??

[mrs.chappie]

Hey CJ, you say he's not been getting home until 9.30? Is this because he's been staying on at work? If so, he'll feel like he's been kicked in the goolies, after giving so much to his job and then to be treated like this.

Sounds like he has lashed out at you because you are the person closest to him. Hey lass, try not to take it too much to heart - I know it will be hard, but I'd say be gentle with him, don't lash out back, that's the worse thing you could do.

You sound like a strong couple, and as long as you are both working together to solve your problems, you will get through it.

[eltelioni]

I don't want to condone his behaviour to you, but being made redundant is a hugely negative thing for a man. He feels he has been told he is irrelevant, he feels he is no longer able to be independent, he can no longer support himself and his family, he is going to be dependent on charity, people will cease to respect him - including you. Believe me, it is an enormous blow, his ego is not dented, it is thoroughly squashed. Fuelled by alcohol he was angry with you. Give him some time.

[MWB]

Don't give him ultimatums, CJ. Let him vent for a while.

You say he's not there right now, but when he is try those things.

Then, when & if he cools down, broach the subject with him. Maybe he'll start talking first.