When will i start to get over this horrible break up.

[Jenarry]

I know i may as well ask how long is a piece of string...but here goes. my fiance and father to my 3 year old son left me at the end of may 'for space to think' . i found out a week later there was someone else and i was devastated. he denies it to this day it although i've worked out something has been going on with them since early on in the year...although he's still saying they're just friends! the evidence says otherwise. amongst other things he's taken her to a family wedding,and he's actually took on his own flat and i'm sure she's moved in with him.(all this i hear from friends which makes it even harder-i've told him for months that i would rather hear things direct from him rather than on the grapevine. but all he seems to do is lie to me and it drives me mad)he does come to see our son 3 times a week but the weekend visit is a struggle because he's always trying to get out of it. he's always liked his going out at weekends and obviously wants to be spending it with her. added to this he owes me a lot of money which he is paying me back at the moment but that is becoming a wrangle too as he wants to give me less and less. i feel very frustrated by all this and just when i start feeling a bit more positive and concentrating on me and my little boy then i have something else thrown at me. the wedding thing really bothered me and him getting his own flat even though he's up to his eyeballs in debt not just to me but other people too. it feels like he's ignoring the mess he's made and just carrying on with a nice new fresh start and relationship whilst i'm left dealing with the fall out.he's just turned 40 but is carrying on like a 20 year old.! when will this start getting easier? we have arrangements with money and our matthew but he's always trying to change them. i'm just getting worn out with the whole thing!

[sara3]

first, you do have to accept that there isn't a date when you'll officially wake up and feel okay about this. second, you have to accept that he's made his choices (however poor, badly thought out, inconsiderate, upsetting etc) and what he does now isn't strictly your business, unless it affects your son. he will get on with his life and possibly make his own mistakes.

make sure he keeps the arrangements with your son, and that he pays you back the money he owes. sadly, other than that...... you have to look forward, and start planning your new life for you and your child.

try to treat is as a new adventure. you never know what's around the corner. be strong for your son and show him what a good parent he has in you.

best of luck, and chin up girl x

[Nannyjill]

Any arrangments with your son and the maintenance need to be sorted out through a court if he won't play ball. If he's working I'm sure they can set up an attachment of earnings.

This is no example to be setting your son and it just sounds,to me, as though he hasn't grown up.
I can understand if a man changes his feelings towards a woman (I've been there ) but he should still take responsibilty for his child. Could part of this be if he messes you about he thinks you may tell him to forget it?Or perhaps that is what he is hoping?

You clearly must still have feelings for him,we can't stop loving someone because their feelings have changed and it cannot help you to move on but I'm not sure why you think he should tell you things about his personal life as you are no longer a couple.

Maybe while he is looking after your son you could go and do something for yourself - even if it's just a coffee with a friend or a walk.

[topten]

The only thing that I get from your breakup, is that you are looking for answers and where it went wrong not is age! Truth is not every man is verbal, sometimes a pesron does not have a reason for how it went wrong. Also don't put the blame just on yourself or just on him look for the common ground that you did and what he was showing to why it went wrong.

[lil123]

It's simple, you need to focus on what you want., not what you don't want!
Write down the end result you want and visualize you life as you want it. Do this every single day and imagine you are there and how great it feels !!
I fled domestic violence 3 years ago and lost everything I had.
I had to build my life up again from nothing and I have using these techniques.
I now have a great job that pays what I need to have nice lifestyle, a nice car and my next step is to buy my own house again.
My ex tries to cause me hassle still but because I have a good life now and a new partner, he doesn't have much significance in my life anymore.
Look on Sue Stone's web site that will help and buy the book if you can.
It really does work.
Use this opportunity you have been given to turn your life around !!!!!