To laugh or not to laugh

[marval]

Catalog - Kitty's scratching post.

Intense - Where campers sleep.

Reptiles - Kitchen flooring materials owned by a travelling salesman.

Attenuate - You had a very late breakfast this morning.


If a swan can have a swan song, does that mean a cygnet can have a signature tune?

What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo before he went to work?
"Bison".

If you smuggle automobiles into the country, are you trafficking?

If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?

Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?
They will be for people who love meat tender.

Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his flock through town, and got a traffic ticket for making a ewe turn?


My potato gun was confiscated by the United Nations.
They said I wasn't allowed to have weapons of mash destruction.

I burned my tongue eating the gourmet food. It was hot cuisine.

I had a very nervous guitar playing friend. He was always fretting about something.

A jellyfish walked into a hardware shop, and bought ten drills.

A hunter aimed and shot at an unsuspecting mallard. Fortunately, just as the bullet came near the bird, it ducked.

There's warnings of a new disease found in soft butter. Apparently it spreads very easily.

I got sent a package the other day, but when it arrived it was all damp.
I complained at the post office, and they said it must have had postage dew.

My dog Minton just ate two of my expensive shuttlecocks.
"I said Bad Minton."

My speech about the jet-stream wasn't well received. They said it was too long winded.

I saw a dermatologist about a nasty red patch on my skin. I asked it would get better, but he said he didn't want to make any rash promises.

A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List.

When I built the extension to my house, I used as little wood as possible, because I wanted to conserve-a-tree.

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lighted match.
They want to catch him before he strikes again.

A man walks into a hardware store and asks if they have a tool for breaking up some hard ground. The shop assistant points to a row of suitable tools along the wall and replies: "Certainly sir, take your pick."

By day, he was an ordinary farm hand, tending the flocks. But by night, he lived a double life as an infamous secret agent.
They called him “The Shepherd Spy.”

A television weatherman was involved in an accident, and broke both his arms and both legs.
He had to call in from hospital to explain about the four casts.

First cat: "How did you get on in the milk-drinking competition?"
Second cat: "I won by six laps."

[starone]

Great - loved all of them.

[JonnyBoy12]

Very very funny. Have you any more like this?