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Would You Accept It As An Apology?
8 Answers
My older brother currently lives with us, as does my niece, his 3yr old daughter.
My niece has lived here since she was 1, I’ve raised her most of her life; potty-trained her, taught her the ABC’s, among other things. I love my niece as if she were my own. I would never do anything to hurt her, nor would I ever reject her.
My brother moved in because he was in a tough situation with his finances. He said he’d be here a few weeks, while he got things sorted out. It’s been over 1 year since then & he’s still here. His lifestyle here is as follows, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t chip in for a bill, doesn’t make his food, doesn’t clean. But, he eats whatever is in the fridge, watches tv as long as he wants, sleeps with an electric air conditioner on all night, has long showers.
I believe we’ve been overly generous with him; I don’t believe he sees it though.
See late last night there was a very loud, one-sided argument happening. I was completely dumbfounded. Here’s what happened:
my niece asked me to draw for her to color & I did but not as fast as she wanted. she left my room “crying”(the kind of cry with no tears only sounds). my brother bolted out & started yelling at her WHY ARE YOU CRYING WHATS WRONG SHUT UP I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE THAT WHERE IS YOUR GRANDMA?!
he comes back to his room yelling at my mother WELL ITS YOUR DAUGHTER WHOS ACTING ALL STUPID LIKE SHE IS!
I hear footsteps, a knock on my door, my mother & niece come in. I tell my niece I finished drawing, she could take it & color it. my niece grabs my bag of coloring items & I say no, (there where permanent markers that smell terrible, chalks & oil pastels) she doesn’t let me explain there was another bag she could use, she just started “crying.” my door suddenly swings open almost hitting my mother, my brother steps in yelling profanities directed at me, begins to yank my niece out by her arm while yelling HURRY UP LETS GO YOU DONT HAVE TO BE BEGGING HER FOR ANYTHING! IM GOING TO CALL YOUR MOM SO SHE CAN COME GET YOU! SHES GOING TO TAKE YOU WITH HER BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT YOU HERE!GET IN COME ON GO! DONT YOU SEE THEY DON’T LOVE YOU! he slammed my door & slammed his door. he proceeded to get his bag, his laptop, pulled my niece out crying & left.
It’s currently 5pm here & I just received a txt from him saying some kind of apology. I’ll leave the text message for you all to read below.
—“My ***, sorry for yelling and say the words I did last night ok! I got upset by hearing my daughter cry so much! My fault! Love you and mom very much ok I shouldn’t be doing that, instead I should be helping! God bless and hope u can forgive me! Have a good day! Bye your Bro!”—
Would you accept that as an apology? Or would you disregard it? How would you react? How would you respond? Please help, I don’t like fights; worse with family. Thanks.
My niece has lived here since she was 1, I’ve raised her most of her life; potty-trained her, taught her the ABC’s, among other things. I love my niece as if she were my own. I would never do anything to hurt her, nor would I ever reject her.
My brother moved in because he was in a tough situation with his finances. He said he’d be here a few weeks, while he got things sorted out. It’s been over 1 year since then & he’s still here. His lifestyle here is as follows, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t chip in for a bill, doesn’t make his food, doesn’t clean. But, he eats whatever is in the fridge, watches tv as long as he wants, sleeps with an electric air conditioner on all night, has long showers.
I believe we’ve been overly generous with him; I don’t believe he sees it though.
See late last night there was a very loud, one-sided argument happening. I was completely dumbfounded. Here’s what happened:
my niece asked me to draw for her to color & I did but not as fast as she wanted. she left my room “crying”(the kind of cry with no tears only sounds). my brother bolted out & started yelling at her WHY ARE YOU CRYING WHATS WRONG SHUT UP I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE THAT WHERE IS YOUR GRANDMA?!
he comes back to his room yelling at my mother WELL ITS YOUR DAUGHTER WHOS ACTING ALL STUPID LIKE SHE IS!
I hear footsteps, a knock on my door, my mother & niece come in. I tell my niece I finished drawing, she could take it & color it. my niece grabs my bag of coloring items & I say no, (there where permanent markers that smell terrible, chalks & oil pastels) she doesn’t let me explain there was another bag she could use, she just started “crying.” my door suddenly swings open almost hitting my mother, my brother steps in yelling profanities directed at me, begins to yank my niece out by her arm while yelling HURRY UP LETS GO YOU DONT HAVE TO BE BEGGING HER FOR ANYTHING! IM GOING TO CALL YOUR MOM SO SHE CAN COME GET YOU! SHES GOING TO TAKE YOU WITH HER BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT YOU HERE!GET IN COME ON GO! DONT YOU SEE THEY DON’T LOVE YOU! he slammed my door & slammed his door. he proceeded to get his bag, his laptop, pulled my niece out crying & left.
It’s currently 5pm here & I just received a txt from him saying some kind of apology. I’ll leave the text message for you all to read below.
—“My ***, sorry for yelling and say the words I did last night ok! I got upset by hearing my daughter cry so much! My fault! Love you and mom very much ok I shouldn’t be doing that, instead I should be helping! God bless and hope u can forgive me! Have a good day! Bye your Bro!”—
Would you accept that as an apology? Or would you disregard it? How would you react? How would you respond? Please help, I don’t like fights; worse with family. Thanks.
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I suggest accepting the apology but, at the same time, trying to use the incident as a starting point for getting things sorted out between you.
e.g." Of course I accept your apology. You're my brother and I'll always love you. However perhaps now might be a good time to clear the air a bit, anyway? For example, I really feel that you ought to be contributing towards your keep. I know that you can't afford a lot but it does seem a bit unfair for me to have to pay for everything. Perhaps we could come to an agreement as to what would be a fair weekly payment from you?"
e.g." Of course I accept your apology. You're my brother and I'll always love you. However perhaps now might be a good time to clear the air a bit, anyway? For example, I really feel that you ought to be contributing towards your keep. I know that you can't afford a lot but it does seem a bit unfair for me to have to pay for everything. Perhaps we could come to an agreement as to what would be a fair weekly payment from you?"
If he only apologises when he sees his free lifestyle disappearing, it is not sincere. He wants it all back, with jam on. Put your foot down and tell him to sort himself out. How old is he , anyway ? If he is old enough to be responsible for a child, he should not be behaving like a child himself, expecting his family to keep providing for him, and sponging off you. If the worst comes to the worst, you could look after the child while he finds a suitable place for both of them. It is ultimatum time. Tell him his place in your home no longer exists, and do not let him back.
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