Help! What should I do?

[daisycutter]

My step daughter is throwing an 18th birthday party in August and virtually everyone is invited. My husband (her Dad) and my kids are all on the list. But also on the list is the friend of her mother (who is also my step daughter's best friend's Mum) who my husband had an affair with during his first marriage ...

To be honest I just don't want to go - I suspect that the ex-missus has secretly done this to peave me off even though we sort of get on in a very distant way. Because of the animosity at the beginning of mine and my husband's relationship with his ex I still think even this far on she would relish putting him on the spot. He was devastated when his lady broke it up and, for a while at the beginning of our relationship, I suspected that if she clicked her fingers he would go back .(she even intimated it to him when she found out he had met someone else) ... I suppose the reality is that the thought of them two meeting after all this time makes me feel a bit queasy!

I don't have a great deal of confidence and don't think I can brazen anything out if I am introduced. I'm not a great liar and I think that my reaction will be written all over my face! I've put on a bit of weight and that is making me feel even lower even though my husband says he loves me the way I am (he says the greatest sexual organ is the brain!!!!)

What do I do? I am that far from saying I don't want to go but I know the problems it will cause ... the only saving grace is that my new mother in law will also be there and she made no bones about the fact that she disliked the lady intensely!

[888sally888]

He loves you, he married you and he wants to be with you.

Go along, have a couple of drinks for courage, be you and have a good time!

[Velvetee]

Do you ever worry that your husband will cheat on you, seeing as he cheated on his ex wife with her friend? Also, how come the ex wife is still friends with a woman who slept with her husband?

[pastafreak]

Go!!!..and hold your head high girl!!!.....use the date in August to lose that bit of weight,buy some smashing new clothes-classy, not tarty-and be there on YOUR mans arm. Oh-and keep a smile on your face the whole time! x

[tickledtrout]

You should go and show everyone there that you are happy.If anyone was to be uncomfortable I would have thought it would be the ex wife

[daisycutter]

I'm not convinced he would cheat on me ... one, he knows that I was very hurt by my former husband and his lying and, to be honest, he has been an open book with me. There are no secrets - if he has run into this woman before he has told me that they stopped for a chat. Earlier in our relationship she would text him with her problems and he always showed me ... who knows, have been hood winked before but want to give him the benefit of the doubt ...

Believe me when his wife found out she made his life a misery and called this woman every name under the sun! But for some reason they patched up their differences after the split - I'm not so sure I would have been quite so sporting!

[bednobs]

suck it up and act like an adult would be my advice.
if there are loads of people invited you may not even come across her. it's hardly likely you are going to be ntroduced to everyone at the party. Do you know what she looks like? if not, its not like someone is going to say "this is blah blah you know the one that had an affair with your husband......"

[muppeteer]

i'm thinking of it from your step daughters angle. it is the most important birthday & she wants everyone to share it, but she is probably already feeling anxious that she will put somone out & is probably just trying to please everyone. if you come face to face with this lady just smile & say nice to meet you & chat about how good the party is & how proud you are of your step daughter becoming 18. im thinking your husband will find your confident & laid back aproach attractive & your step daughter will be releived & love you for it. you dont have to brazen it out- just fake confidence & have ready a few conversations. if you look secure in yourself & cool about it all then all anyone will do is respect you for it. she may not be your biological daughter, but im assuming you would still do anything for her & want to make her happy, so for just this 1 day put your feelings aside & go for it!

[daisycutter]

Thank you for your answers, guys ...

[joannie10]

go and be a happy and united family. It will cause people to talk if you dont go to such an important family occasion. buy yourself a new dress and get your hair done on the day and you will feel like a million dollars - there with your husband. x