heartbeat at my feet

[swedeheart]

I'm trying to establish the correct wording and punctuation of an Edith Wharton haiku that goes something like this:

my little dog, a heartbeat at my feet

...but there are so many, slightly differing versions floating about in cyberspace: Sometimes it's quoted as little dog and sometimes as little old dog, sometimes it's A heartbeat and sometimes it's THE heartbeat, sometimes there's a dash and sometimes a comma, and so on. It is vital that I get it correct so has anyone got this in a book?

[Mumof2]

This may be of use
http://etext.lib.virg...g/public/WhaProv.html

[swedeheart]

Yes that seems trustworthy. Found it in there, like this:

My little old dog:
A heart-beat
At my feet.

Thanks Mum! :)

[paddywak]

I like that swedeheart, if I changed it to my big old dog it would be perfect for Max who often goes to sleep on my feet (so we can't escape to the pub without him)

[swedeheart]

Aww, I love that mental image, paddywak:)

[Clanad]

But... the verse isn't Haiku...

Of course, you may not wish to adhere to the traditional requirements of Japanese Haiku, but if you do, it must have a series 5,7,5 syllables in three units. Additionally, one would never find a colon except at the end of the second mora or verse, and event that sparingly..The final mora would also be left un-punctuated... still a nice word picture, though

[swedeheart]

I'm familiar with haiku, Clanad, but I've read that Wharton herself thought of it as such and I was trying to be polite by using her own description. A bit misguidedly so, it seems to me now, as Edith is... erm, at the very least pining for the fjords anyway, and so it would have been better if I had used another term and not confused people even more than they already are over haiku. So thanks for pointing that out Clanad.

Having said that, I'd like to add that I don't feel you must follow the 5,7,5 syllables over three units form *even* if you wish to adhere to the traditional requirements. Because of the great differences between the two languages, many haijin feel that considerably less syllables get the job done in English - in a way that is in fact more true to the traditional, Japanese haiku. Matter of opinion. But again thanks.

[swedeheart]

That should probably be "considerably fewer"... :)