Bored by friends

[TP3560]

I'd be interested to hear people's thoughts on my situation. I've been friends with the same bunch of people for a few years. They're nice people, they've done nothing wrong to me, but the problem is, their company just bores me to tears.

Now, I know good friends can be hard to come by, and shouldn't just be chucked away on a whim, but I've felt like this for over a year. I don't enjoy myself when I go out with them, we all sit around looking miserable, and never seem to have much to say. If this was a relationship, and it was so obvious things weren't working out, most people would say it's probably time to call it a day, but when it's friends, there seems to be this expectancy that you should stick it out, because they're your friends. Is there really any point though, when you're not really getting anything out of the friendship? It seems that it's a lot easier to to tell a partner that you don't want to see them anymore, than a friend.

I know it sounds ungrateful, and I feel terible, but it's got to the point where I dread getting an invite to go out, because I know how the night is gonna go. I'm aware that I'm by no means perfect, and to be honest, it's probable that we're all bored with eachother. How do I get out of this situation?

All opinions appreciated (even if they're harsh!).

[maggie01]

Try and find a new circle of friends but still keep in touch with the old ones. You never know you may enjoy their company once you have other interests as well. If you don't, then you can see them less often and let it take its course.

[vehelpfulguy]

It sounds as though you have been friends for so long you have got nothing else to say to each other. Maybe you are all in a rut.

You have done well to recognize it and want to do something about it.

I would suggest getting yourself a hobby or two. You can still stay friendly with your friends, but do other things as well.

If you go to the local library they will have details of hundreds of local clubs and societies.

Join a local theatre group, learn to play chess or bridge, go rambling, learn to dance, go to evening classes, learn about computers or history, join an archeologoy group, the list is endless.

Then if you have a hobby, when you meet up with your friends you can say "hey my theatre group are putting on a play soon, do you want to come". That should get the conversation going.

It is a bit like a marriage. If you do everything together you have nothing to talk about, but if you have separate hobbies or intertests then when you are alone with your partner you can talk about what you have each done independently.

[Scarlett]

You have to widen your circle of friends, and not see these ones so often. You will appreciate each other a lot more if you spend less time togther, and if you try and have an adventure when you DO meet up. Mix and match your friends- introduce a new person into the equation- that always livens things up!

[terrij]

some times its true, you have been friends with someone for so long you even know what they are going to say next......in fact as you have been friends for so long and you may all be feeling the same, when you meet again how about getting on the subject of all doing something different.....why not put the idea forward of each one of you in turn to choosing something completely different to do or go the next time you meet,no matter what it is ( within reason) ha ha, then you all try each others ideas...who knows it could be fun...and you will still all be with friends.......only lets face it we all get in a rut but in the end it is so nice to be among true friends...........heres to you having a great time !!!!!!!!!

[TP3560]

Thanks for all your answers. I do try and suggest different things to do, but they're so fussy about where they will go. The other night I suggested we go to a live gig. They all sat there looking miserable in another room to where the band were performing. When I asked them to come in the other room and watch the act, they moaned about it being too crowded or their feet hurting, and I eventually ended up going in there and watching the band alone (waste of a ticket otherwise!). It just seems like we're not compatible, and I feel like knocking it on the head, but I'm running out of excuses not to go out with them. I will give some thought to what you've all said though : )

[Morrisonker]

You've probably all outgrown each other, it's not nice but it happens. I was in a similar situation last year and although I felt horrible doing it I gradually became friends with another group of people who used just to be casual drinking buddies. I felt horrible, you're not supposed to dump friends, only boy/girl friends. But I ended up seeing both groups, sometimes together, sometimes seperatly. You don't have to cut your older friends out of your life, it's nice to have new fun friends and the older friends who know you so well and you can trust them with more. There's not a limit to the amount of social groups you can belong to, just get out there and enjoy yourself.

[rowie]

I have had this same problem, sometimes even the people we chose to spend time with are not the ones who make us happy. Its time to move on, let go, yeah sure you had some great times and you will never forget them but let go. There is no rule saying you have to stick at if even if its not working, true friendship can pick itself up six months, a year down the line and it becomes a pleasure not a chore to see those people again.

Be there for them if they need you but for now take some time for yourself.