Christmas flowers for grave

[what..the?]

My brother died in Sept aged 28. I want to get something nice for his grave for christmas, I do not live locally and have not been to his grave due to a family argument.

However I would like to get something and hope it can be delivered to the grave, but I have two problems

(a) I do not know whether his grave has a head stone/marker yet so any delivery person may not know where to take it & there are no family or local neighbours that can take it really due to the family argument.

(2) I dont know what to order, flowers or is there any thing else appropriate, as my brother was so young he was not a flower person, but was a regular church member if that helps get some appropiate item.

Any help would be great, many thanks.

[saxy_jag]

Do you know which church he went to? Also, is your brother buried in his churchyard, or in a cemetery? If a churchyard, then you would be best to go directly to the church and ask their advice.

If he's not buried in the churchyard, and if you're not sure whether you can get flowers etc. sent to his grave, what about having a tree or bush planted in his memory, either outside the church or at a favourite spot? Or you could buy something for the church in his memory?

[maggie01]

Why don't you plant a nice tree or shrub in your own garden. That way he will always be there and you can talk to him whenever you like.

[what..the?]

I know which Church and that he is in the grave yard. He has a small plot in which his ashes are buried. I have a photo of the site so I can describe to someone where he is. I know that there is a small christmas cross placed there at the mo so that might help indentify the place.

I do not really want to go through the church because my family are well placed within the church comunity and I want to remain anonymous. I would feel very uncomfortable contacting anyone connected to the church.

Maybe I could get a delivery person to deliver to the right grave if I describe where it is from the photo and christmas cross someones left.

[what..the?]

Good suggestion maggie but a rent properties and move property alot so that wouldnt work I would hate to leave it behind.

I could get a tree in a big planter but the weather conditions where I live are too extreme really. I d hate it to die.

I would like to send something to the grave for my brother but also to show others visiting has grave that I am thanking of him, I don't think they think I care.

[bexste]

I don't think that any family arguement should stop you going to put flowers on your brothers grave. I know that I don't know any details about what kind of argument it was but surely your family would not pick an arguement with you when you have gone to do something so important. Even though you are not on good terms with them this will be at least one thing that you have in common with them, and their respect for your brother should overcome any desire to cause trouble with you. If it really is impossible I think that it is a good idea to plant a tree or a shrub at home, or buy flowers and put them next to your favorite photo of your brother in your own home.

[sleepyj]

or get a nice big pot and put a nice rose in it .for your garden .must be hard time for u .xxxx

[Roughquest]

I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss, this really must be a difficult time for you, I have an idea that may be of comfort for you - if you have a lovely photo of your brother may I suggest you buy him a lovely Christmas card and write down your thoughts and feelings inside it - how much you love and miss him and then place the card beside the photo. If you go into a church locally or near where he is buried why not light a special candle in the church just for him....
RQ xx

[lilacben]

Can you tell us what church or the area. prehaps one of us live near there and could help you.? Also couldnt you phone the church, not giving your name if you are worried to make sure of the site. also ask if they could be of receipt of it and put it on for you.? Love Brendax

[what..the?]

It is near Abergavenny, South Wales

[Annlinda]

In our family we put a Christmas holly wreath on the grave of relatives.

[Cheekystar]

Why not ring a local florist and talk through the issue and find out if they can deliver to the grave? Maybe put some bright flowers and a holly wreath / ponsettias?

There are some woods where you can have a try planted in someones memory and visit it.

[daisy48]

what..the? I appreciate that many feel the need to visit a loved one's grave or plot to lay flower's but every Xmas I place 2 rose's beside a photo of my parent's and on Xmas day I light a candle and wish then a Merry Xmas sending our love. Also when I go to the local carol service a week before Xmas I light another candle. x

[what..the?]

Many thanks for all these response's they are all helping

xx

[WendyS]

I'm sorry to hear about your family situation which must be painful at this time of the year.
If you could find out the address of the vicarage attached to the church you could have an appropriate wreath sent there marked "For the grave of xxz, where ashes are interred" c/o the Vicarage, plus the address. Many churches now have their own website which might help you track down the vicarage address. If you google the church's name and location, you may well find all the details you need.
I am sure the Vicar will know the location, and will feel it incumbent to have the wreath put on the appropriate place in time for Christmas.

[what..the?]

I have decided to order something and do something at home too.

I have ordered this:

http://www.johnlewis.com/Christmas/Christmas+D ecorations/Christmas+Decorations/Christmas+Tre es/1310/230400479/Product.aspx

As my brother was mentally and physically disabled and had a more child like out look on life which was great.

He loved christmas and got so excited at the sight of our christmas tree, he would love this. I am so pleased with it. I have decided to deliver it to a family member in the end as I know it will get the right grave that way.

Thank you all for your help. Have a good christmas x

[saxy_jag]

That's lovely. This could be a great way to heal the rift in the family, too. Probably what your brother would have wanted, and a lovely Christmas present for all of you.