Valentines day dilemma...

[Merr]

Ok, here goes...

I think I've fallen in love with someone at my place of work. I get to see her and spend time with her every day, we get on quite well, and I can feel my attraction for her just growing and growing (you know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomache every time you're around someone you're really in to?). The problem is that she already has a boyfriend that she has been seeing for about 9 months now, and I know she's starting to make long-term plans with him.

As Valentines day approaches, I really want to tell her how I feel, and to see if there's some reciprocity there. But I'm reluctant. I don't know what to do. I want to get these feelings out in the open, but then I don't want to confuse her/push her away. Any advice on this would be a great help.

Thanks

Merr

[Scarlett]

Sounds like a job for the valentines card. Just tell her how you feel- in a card, anonymously. That way she may suspect it is you, if she likes you! Eitehr way you will have put the idea into her head. This way you can carry on working with her without any embarrassment.

[woofgang]

merr if she does work out that its you and you have misread her, what will you do afterwards? Could you still work together?

She might feel a bit threatened by receiving an anonymous valentine from one of her work colleagues if in fact she is in a permanent relationship

Contrary to some people's belief, the fact that you have feelings for her, doesn't suggest that she has feelings for you!

Sorry to be a downer!

[andy-hughes]

Why not post a valentine in the external post, and wait and see if she mentions it. If she is interested in you, she'll be keen to see if you sent it, so if she says nothing, you know there's no future, and you can carry on working together, with your dignity intact.

A word of caution - work relationships are notoriously tricky - even if things are fine and you have a row, as all couples do, it makes being professional the next day dificult - something to thinlk about.

[slimbo]

send her a text on valentines morning saying how you feel. you will never stand a chance with her if she doesent know

[Drusilla]

From what you have said, it seems to me that she is just being friendly and this is wishful thinking on your part. By all means post her a card from outside work and judge her reaction to receiving an anonymous card; is she pleased, confused, or even irritated. Not every woman appreciates anonymous cards in this day and age.

[{Dakota}]

Sorry to be a stick in the mud but I have to disagree with those that say to send her a card/text/whatever. She is obviously happy with the gentleman she is with before she is making plans for her future with him, if she were not she's not be making these plans. Also "I think I am in love" are you sure about that? For all intents and purposes, you don't actually know this girl to be "in love" with her. I don't doubt for one second you have a deep affection for her but if you loved her you wouldn't even have used the words "I think".

I am on a friendly basis with men at my work but I have to say not only would I be embarrased to work with them, I'd be slightly annoyed that they would let their interest in me be known, knowing full well I was happy in my current relationship. It would be a different story if she were single.

Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear.

[happy_face]

I'm with Dakota on this one. I would be upset to find out someone I got on with really well turned around and said he fancies me when he knows I've been with my boyfriend for some time and look settled to be with him for even longer. The friendship would be ruined as it would be weaird being around the admirer. I'm afraid to say that the girl is happy with her life and it wouldn't be fair for you to spoil it just because you're bursting with emotions. Sometimes we have to think of other people's feelings and not just our own. Sorry to be harsh

[Merr]

Thanks for all the advice guys and gals.

I think I've made up my mind, I suppose that if she is happy where she's at right now in her life, I shouldn't go and destroy that. And I would rather stay friends with her than alienate her completely from me, and make work life difficult. Although the anonymous card idea does sound tempting, just to gauge her reaction.

As for how I deal with my emotions.... I suppose that's another question all together.....

[woofgang]

an anonymous card could cause problems between her and her bf...do you really want that? Honestly leave it be

[woofgang]

As many of us of both genders could answer, you just deal with it. Its not uncommon for people to meet people and have strong unrequited feelings for them.

If its a real problem then try to avoid being alone with her until things cool off a bit in your mind, take up a hobby, go out more, take cold showers (even the thought of doing that in winter should help!)

...and get on with your life!

[gill3891]

Am with Dakota on this one too! Sorry to be a downer again, coz I know it's the last thing you want to hear but don't do it! If she's making long term plans with her current b/f then she's obviously not thinking of breaking up with him to be with someone else! Try and get over it, if she breaks up with her b/f then maybe but it's nto looking good! Sorry Merr but it's looking like a no-go area!

[*ALFIE*]

Sorry Merr, don't take chances - carry on playing it professional. Just for the record, as people mentioned, relationships in work place is tricky.

[Ginger Elf]

easy! Visit www.saysomethingspecial.co.uk

it's totally the perfect way to show someone what you think of them!! i reckon her heart will leap when she sees she's got a message from an admirer - and there's no embarrassment of handing over a card face-to-face!
and you can still stick a message on today, it'll go on immediately!
good luck!!