How would you cope?

[Orangesauce1]

I got that horrific phone call Saturday.. your boyfriend has been involved in an accident

He works away in the middle east and trod on a mine... He has had to had his leg amputated at the bottom of the shin. He is only in his 30's.

He is not going to flown home for another couple of weeks and I havent seen him for 4 months!

He is a wonderful man, stong willed and determined he will get through this but sadly he seems to think it will all happen so quickly.

This all happened Saturday and he already thinks he will be coming home getting a plastic foot and then going back out to work there again!

I want to be strong and I will need to be as I know he is going to get bad tempered and frustrated when it doesnt go as quickly as he hopes.

He will have to learn to deal with not walking, driving or riding his motorbike (well not for a while) i know this can all be adapted and that he can carry on a normal life eventually.

If anyone has any inspiring words to get through this or has been in this position I would love to hear how you coped x

[PinkFizz]

My heart absolutely goes out to you and your boyfriend - what a terrible thing to have happened. Who was it that called you?

You must still be in shock yourself I would guess and yet you are thinking how to help him which shows what a wonderful person you are.xxx

[dot.hawkes]

awwwwww I am so sorry!!!!!!!!!! You must get in touch with the miliotary and they will be very supportive, are you in touch with his family?

[whiskeysheri]

Aww, babe! I'm so sorry!

I'm sending you the biggest hugs. I'm on MSN if you need to chat, sweetie xxx

[PinkFizz]

Makes every other problem on this site pale into insignificance today. xx

[Orangesauce1]

I still cant beleive it! There is nothing i can do though so just need to concentrate on going forward. I just hope our relationship is strong enough to cope.

Its going to be hard and he will be horrible to me sometimes through frustration! but i will do anything for him!

His boss called me and i spent last night with his family as I live with him I am on my own till he returns.

(ps thank god we have a bungalow!!) he weights 17 stone!

[PinkFizz]

Orangesauce - you sound an amazing person .How have his family taken the news? Have you managed to speak to him at all? You sound a very strong couple and will no doubt come through this, but it will take time.xx

[serendipity1]

bless you both sweetheart and I really mean it ,you both sound like you have kind of been prepared for this kind of thing to happen , all I can say is I hope you can both stay as brave as you appear to be and for each other , lots of love xx

[crete]

he is a big lad at 17 stone to be a serving soldier, great you already live in a bungalow.

[Orangesauce1]

He isn't in the army (only TA) he was clearing mine fields! he was devoted to saving lives and giving them a better quality. Yeah hes's huge... 6'2' ... He is my world xxx

Thank you all so much for your kind words

[Orangesauce1]

Sorry that might have misleaded you. His job is ordanance (bomb) clearance in post war countries. But he is also in the TA.. He has been away with work for 4 months and he was due to come home in 2 weeks... Life has a funny way of biting you in the arse :-)

[PinkFizz]

Honey - things are sent to try and test us in the strangest of ways which we often don't understand. But if you two love each other as much as I think you do then you WILL get through this and all I want to do is give you a great big hug.xxxxx

[redcrx]

Im sorry to hear that (I think i saw it on the news at weekend). Your boyfriend is a very brave man to be doing such a job in the first place and as such must have thought long and hard about the what ifs.

Im sure he realises that it wont be easy for him to recover as quick as hes making out but he will no doubt be trying to remain strong for you and his family as well as being positive for himself. Its a coping mechanism and he is away from the support network of his family and home at the moment.

As you say, with time he will be able to enjoy many of the things he currently does, like the motorbike riding and can gradually get his life back to some normaility.

I wish you both all the best and hope that he is home with you all soon, and that you all get the support and help that you need to get you through xx

[Orangesauce1]

Just feels like someone is trying to tell me something!

My cousin died in a motorbike accident a couple of months ago too. Its very tough i have just lived a very sheltered life i think.

Also feel guilty for feeling so upset as know there are people out ther who are suffering so much more.. my heart goes out to them.

[wonderwoman1]

Hiya Orangesauce1 honey,

I cant begin to imagine what you are going through and my heart goes out to you.

Sending you loads of love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[raysparx1]

Hi orange, that is the call we all dread,somebody close has had an accident, you sound to be very possitive and you will need to be,so will he,it won't be a quick fix will it,you know that,all you can do is be there to help,to listen,to take the crap when he gets angry and wants to vent his anger,and he will, will he be able to go back to this work ? I doubt it, you must also be prepared for the night sweats,flashbacks and nightmares, you also need help,you need somebody to talk to,don't bottle up what you feel,you are in for a very tough time,sorry I am not giving you the easy road,that is because there isn't one, take care orange,and please remember to look after yourself as well as him, Ray xx

[WendyS]

I really feel for you. This must seem like a living nightmare and you must be so frustrated and anxious being separated from him at such a terrible time.
You seem to be very sensible and emotionally resilient, and this is what your boyfriend will need most of all when he returns home. The only practical thing I can suggest is that you use the time before he returns to search the internet as much as possible for information on amputees and track down limbless associations. (The Royal British Legion may be able to help you here). There is probably a lot of information and helpful data available and the more examples you can find of people who have survived this trauma and rebuilt their lives, the more you will be able to support him. Also, the more you understand about the downsides of this situation like depression, flashbacks, frustrations, the more.you'll be able to encourage him that these are normal reactions which will pass in time. Good luck to you both. I hope you find light at the end of your tunnel.

[unruliejulie]

Hi orangesauce, my heart goes out to you both. 5 years ago my husband had a major car accident and it was touch and go as to whether he would loose a leg. Fortunately, he didnt, however he has to be careful not to re break it or else it still could happen. the break was a very bad one. He was wheelchair bound for 3 months and its difficult , very difficult, and that is with the knowledge that he will get the use again!
You will be amazed at how you both cope, in different ways. love will win out and you will appreciate the small things in life more so. I have to be honest with you though, it'll either make or break you as a couple. If you love him enough, it will make you, of that im certain, it did us!
i WISH YOU ALL THE VREY BEST, THINKING OF YOU x

[silverdaler]

Hi O.S.
There is not much more advice to give which hasnt already been given, but at least you know there are lots of people on here supporting you. The trouble is no two people cope the same with similar experiences so it will be hard to predict what to expect. From my own experience of working with people who have had limbs amputated, the ones who cope best are the ones with a good and loyal support network, which it sounds like your boyfriend has. Hopefully you will be put in touch with the appropriate agencies who are used to this awful scenario, and will help you all get through it.
Dont try to take everything on yourself. If anyone offers help -take it. You never know if it will be offered again.
You need to be supported too.
Everyones thoughts are with you both.
Take care xxxxxxxxxxx

[Goodsoulette]

We have a customer who is a policeman and I regularly see him down the gym. He has his left leg amputated below the knee. He used to be a marine and lost his leg in similar circumstances. Not just for his age, not for having half a leg missing, he IS one of the fittest guys I have ever met. They guy never stops. When I first saw him down the gym I Was so ashamed of myself for being 20 years younger and nowhere near as fit as this guy. This really doesnt need to hold him or you back. Good luck xx

[Eve]

Hey honey, you poor poor thing, my heart really goes out to you both.

It's good that he's got a strong attitude and hopefully can stave off the depression and even grief over his loss. It won't be easy and I really feel for you and how you're both going to cope.

I've done a huge amount of voluntary work with disabled people and it's amazing and inspiring the way that people cope and adapt. An fantastic gym instructor at my former gym was an amputee after a bike accident.

Definitely be there for him but make sure you look after yourself you and make sure BOTH of you get the support and love that you need.

There are some great organisations out there. I'e found these links for you...

http://www.ability.org.uk/support_groups_amput ee.html

www.limbless-association.org

www.amputee-coalition.org

www.dorset-ortho.co.uk

www.ertlreconstruction.com/The%20Ertl%20Procedure.htm

http://www.heathermills.org/help.php

Thinking of you both and if you ever need to chat or let off steam or anything i'm on msn on [email protected] xxx