How can I find the grave of my sister?

[Tan321]

My mum had twins on 9 December 1965 and one of the baby girls only survived approx 5 days. As mum was quite ill and had to stay in hospital for a while and dad had to look after me the hospital took my sister away for burial/cremation (not sure). In those days you didn't question what was happening and when mum was discharged she didn't ask where Deborah was buried. I have applied for the death cerficate and have found the registration at Havering in Essex. However I have come to a grinding halt. The hospital she was born in (Oldchurch, Romford) has been knocked down and Queen's Hospital is in it's place but they can't tell me anything. I have rung South Essex in charge of cemetaries and City of London but neither have any record of her burial/cremation. I have no idea where to go from here. In desperation I have ordered her death certificate but from reading posts on here I don't think that will help me. I have been most impressed with the help given to others in situations like mine and would dearly love some ideas as I am visiting London next week and could spend some time searching... if I knew where to search. As mum has got older she would dearly love to get some closure on this and have a small service for Deborah.

[dot.haukes]

I would ring the Essex Record Office:
http://www.essexcc.gov.uk/vip8/ecc/ECCWebsite/ dis/guc.jsp?channelOid=13813&guideOid=14788&gu ideContentOid=139734
and ask them if they have the records of the Oldchurch Hospital. The records should have gone there i would expect.
They may have come across this situation before and have an idea where you can look.
Also, Havering Registration District was the old Romford District that changed in 1965, so you are in the right place. The essex Record Office is in Chelmsford and may know where the Hispital burials took place.
It was also the Romford Workhouse and so this article may have some value:
http://www.romford.org/public-services/workhou se/sow.htm

[Tan321]

Thank you so much for answering so quickly. I will contact the Essex Record Office first thing tomorrow morning and hopefully they will be able to point me in the right direction. I had no idea that the hospital used to be the workhouse. We had a lot of ancestors in Romford so it will be interesting to see if any ended up there! I will let you know how I get on.

[Whoever]

It's highly possible that your sister was cremated, not buried. In which case it may be worth ringing the crematorium nearest to the hospital or where your parents were living at the time. However, I doubt whether they will have records going back over 40 years. However, if you do come to a cul-de-sac, there is still no reason why you cannot ask your mother's local clergyman h to hold a small private service for your twin sister. It doesn't necessarily have to held on the site where she was buried or cremated if you can't discover this information and perhaps going through this ritual in a different way would help her. Clergymen are used to having what might seem unusual requests like this relating to bereavements and if you think it would help your mother where all else has failed, it might be worth pursuing.

[Tan321]

Yes I think this may have to be the way to go and although I know mum would have dearly loved to know what happened to Deborah I am having little luck. I have spoken to the Essex Records office who were very helpful but ended up passing me back to Queen's Hospital formly Oldchurch where I have yet to get through to their archive patient records department. If I can get no joy there I think I have come up against a brick wall although the ERO said that as she was 5 days old there should be a record somewhere its just a matter of searching but I dont know where else to try.

[Tan321]

Just to keep you up to date. I eventually got an answer following a letter to the NHS Litigation Department at Romford. They have found where my sister was buried (Romford cemetery). However the problem was that although she died in December 1965 she was not buried until December 2005 (40 YEARS LATER). I am now trying to find out what happened in the interim period. I don't really want to think about it... but I need to know.

[Tan321]

One final update. Having had a conversation with the NHS Litigation Dept today to ask they why they thought there was a delay of 40 years between my sister's death and her burial, I was told "oops sorry that was a typo and it should have read she was buried on the 24 December 1965 not 2005'!! I now have a grave number for my sister Deborah and will visiting Romford soon to mark her resting place.

Thanks for all your advice and help.

[dothawkes31]

I can't imagine how much this all means to your Mum and your family, it must be a time of mixed emotions for you all, but i am glad you persevered Tan and stuck with your search, your Mum must be proud of you.

[weeal]

Aww Ive got goosebumps, how nice to have found what you were looking for.

Best wishes
Al

[alfiesgirl123]

Glad you had success, I am about to start looking for my sister who died at a few days old, she was baptized but I have no idea where she is buried. I hope that I achieve the same success as you.