News0 min ago
Man from the Government
A farmer named Sid was overseeing his stock on a remote moorland pasture in North Yorkshirewhen a brand new BMW advanced towards him throwing up a cloud of dust.
The driver a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked the farmer, " If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Sid looks at the man , obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, " Sure why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out a Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cellphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Workshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full colour 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid.
He watches the young select one of his animals and smiles as he puts it in the boot of his car.
Then Sid says to the young man, " Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your job is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay why not?"
"You're a Member of Parliament" says Sid
"Wow, that's correct," says the Yuppie, "But how did you guess that?"
" No guessing required" answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You use millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working make a living- or about cows, for that matter. This is a flock of sheep........
Now give me back my F****** dog !"
The driver a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked the farmer, " If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Sid looks at the man , obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing stock and calmly answers, " Sure why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out a Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cellphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Workshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full colour 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sid.
He watches the young select one of his animals and smiles as he puts it in the boot of his car.
Then Sid says to the young man, " Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your job is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay why not?"
"You're a Member of Parliament" says Sid
"Wow, that's correct," says the Yuppie, "But how did you guess that?"
" No guessing required" answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You use millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working make a living- or about cows, for that matter. This is a flock of sheep........
Now give me back my F****** dog !"
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