Will You Be Shopping At Boots This...
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Setting up a new workshop? There is a lengthy list of tools you'll need. This list will help you get started:
4 Answers
PEDISTAL DRILL: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
MOLE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop on fire.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16- or 1/2-inch socket you've lost.
SAWBENCH: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity
.
TROLLY JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG 2x4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
MOLE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your workshop on fire.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16- or 1/2-inch socket you've lost.
SAWBENCH: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity
.
TROLLY JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG 2x4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire
Answers
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TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
LEAD LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Briton. More often dark than light, its name is strangely inappropriate.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: a tool used to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over-tightened by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit -- or thumbs, whichever are closer.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard boxes delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, liquids in plastic bottles and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes and
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
LEAD LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Briton. More often dark than light, its name is strangely inappropriate.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: a tool used to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over-tightened by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit -- or thumbs, whichever are closer.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard boxes delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, liquids in plastic bottles and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes and
-- answer removed --
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